Or his DP? (Heating)

[GirlOnIt]

We've recently got hive and he's driving me mad! I admit I can feel the cold and I tend to just turn the heating up if I'm cold. I think sometimes even if it says 20 it can feel chilly.

So we've got frigging hive and he's got the app on his phone. So will just turn it down, even when he's not in the house but I am. He's out tonight and he's turned it down, he claims he thought I'd be in bed and I'd forgotten to turn it down. But he's obsessed, he never puts it above19 unless it's really cold out and then he'll stretch to 20. I tend to put it up to 22 which he Noah's about.

If he's not in though he gets no say over the heating does he?

Slightly lighthearted, but I'm considering LTB, if he doesn't stop fucking with the heating when he's not even in the house!

We got an electronic thermostat and negotiated a plan for the temp at various times and situations. Neither of us deviates from that plan without checking with the other first, unless the other is completely unavailable and therefore not subject to the house temp. But if he comes home and it’s freezing or I come home and it’s hot, we will both be in horrible moods. Hence the negotiation to prevent that from happening.

You can override hive via the thermostat that's in the house.

Did you read the Guardian article recently about everything being designed for men? The calculations about appropriate office temp are often as much as 5 degrees too cold for women. Tell your H to leave the fucking heating alone.

I do it from the thermostat in the room @llangennith. He changes it from the app. So I'm thinking it's not getting any warmer and I check and it's back down to 19.

He's done it when he's been at work and he's noticed it's really warm and the heart is still on. He says he thinks I've forgotten it and that's why he does it. Tbf when he's home if I say I'm cold he turns it up for me. He just grumbles about it.

We keep ours at 28 but I f we are both out it goes to 23

I'd keep it to the temp you need it at whilst you are at home. Especially with kids (if you have them!(

I feel your pain but my dh is the opposite. He has the thermostat wherever he goes in our house. He seems to think it’s perfectly fine to boil us all alive. If he’s cold the heating goes on. He swears he hasn’t put it on - it’s the thermostat saying it needs to come on. Except the dial is always on run and not auto 🤨 it’s not unusual to wake up absolutely stuck to the bedsheets either because it’s so hot in here. 😩 I love it when he buggers off to work so I can open all the windows. Sadly he works from home more often than not...🤦🏼‍♀️

we dont have hive but dh can be stingy with it so I no longer mention being cold and just go put the heating on so it takes a bit longer before he realises and turns it back off. funnily enough he likes it on at his bath time!

YANBU I hate this my husband does this too. We dont have hive but he is forever turning down the heating ... which in itself might be understandable but je does things like turn down individual radiators and not tell me hes done it... the worst is that he turned it down inside the boiler which I did not even realise you could do... then when I kept wondering why it was so cold he still didnt tell me what hed done.. it took me ages to figure out what had happened... and it's not that hes too hot because he will be wearing two jumpers! And we arent completely broke or anything.... I'm not sure what it's about as hes not like that about anything else..
It's odd isnt it? I've known quite a few men who are like this about heating.

Placebogirl I was coming on to say the same thing. That article is depressing and really sheds a different light on arguments like this.

If your DH had 4G to turn down your heating he could have whatsapped you to see if you were still up instead of messing with your heating.

Your dp is BU. If you're at home alone and feel cold you should be able to put the heating on without him turning it off. If you're both there and he's too hot, then I might suggest you try putting on an extra layer or blanket first.

I hate being cold.

I switched off our heating on Friday as it was hardly being triggered to come on for almost a week before that.

Our heating is set so that the house has to be colder than 18° between 7am-
midnight, and colder than 16° between midnight and 7am for the heating to actually switch on. It's easy enough to turn on/off from the app if needed though.

Normally, if it felt cold, I'd use the app to put it up to 20.5° between 5pm and 10pm, but I've not been doing that recently as it's always been warmer.

In fact it hasn't dropped below 20° during the day, and hasn't dropped below 18° at night for over 6 days now, so I definitely did the right thing in turning it off.

This week, the house has been reaching (and staying) at 25° during the day, which is too warm, and we prefer it colder (17°) at night anyway. At night it's struggling to get below 19° atm.

God knows how hot it will be come summer!!

DH is also a bugger about heating, he doesn't feel the cold but I do, if he had his way it wouldn't go above 16, am on mat leave and will put it on a couple of each degrees. I have been known to swipe his phone during the night and put it on boast for an hour when it's particularly cold and I'm up feeding DS.

Also I’d be saying to him if he’s using hive to police the temperature of my home while I’m in it and he’s not then we’re getting rid of hive. You’re not a child that needs supervised when she has access to adult stuff, it’s your home and your heating too! I’m getting more cross the more I think about it!

I bet he thinks you’re not really cold and won’t notice if he turns it down/off!

I would tell him that if he fucks with it once more, you’ll get it uninstalled and back to a basic thermostat.

People saying what theirs is set at is completely irrelevant (well, obviously because they’re not you!) because so much depends on where your thermostat is, droughts, air movement etc. I wanted ours (which is portable) next to me in the lounge) but I couldn’t get it to a consistent & comfortable temperature. I ended up putting it in our room which has the radiator on 1 and a window open. All the other radiators are set at various temperatures, the lounge ones are on high. The temp is set at 19 in the bedroom and this seems to keep the house at a nice temperature. We have it coming on at 5:30, off again at 10. It quite often chases me off to bed as about now it’s starting to get chilly! If it’s been put on manual it’s FAR too hit by now. It’s easy to turn it on and heats up in no time if anyone’s cold in the day. When we had the cold spell it only went off as we climbed into bed!

It’s a hard thing to get right anyway, but with people who do and people who don’t feel the cold and tightwads v comfort it’s no wonder it’s a common source of arguments.

Being cold is horrible!
Our house runs at a minimum of 23/21 at all times
If my husband was dicking about with the heating when he wasn’t even here there’d be trouble!

He’s treating you like a child. Tell him to stop doing it. Agree a compromise day and night temperature for when you’re both home together and don’t deviate from it. If one of you is home alone then you get to do whatever you like. If he continues this behaviour then get rid of the damn thing and put a regular thermostat back in. And if his rationale is that the heating bills are too high then he needs to talk to you like an adult about it, not keep sneaking the temperature down.

Fortunately my DH is a wuss like me and hates being cold as well. Besides, he has NO idea how to work the heating

This is why we won’t get hive! DH threatens it but only in a jokey way.

I maybe female and a certain age but I don’t seem to be able to get warm. I keep waiting for the hot flushes just so I can be warm!

I would not cope if the house was only 16/19. Luckily DH is understanding, mind he only has to hold my hand to know how cold I am. I do pile on the layers, whilst he just needs a t-shirt.

But I would not be happy if he was controlling the temperature whilst not even in the house.

Hive........control your wife from your phone

Is he controlling in other ways? If so, I’d LTB. If not, I would just tell him that I’d continue the relationship but we would need to live in separate houses.

If he can't bear to have the heating on when he's not there, then he needs to sort out a way of keeping you warm which he ncop with.

We recently bought an oil-filled electric radiator for our sitting room which has no heating at all. The radiator does a great job. Might be more expensive to run than your central heating, especially if you plug a few in in various rooms; then he might stop complaining about you putting the heating on.

I've never heard of Hive but would throw it out. It's totally unacceptable of your DH controlling the temperature while he isn't even in the house. If you can't get rid of Hive, get rid of his phone.

The more I read MN the more I thank fuck I live alone and have absolute control of my own home. And my own life for that matter.

Everyone is different and likes different temperatures.

Early in our marriage we had to figure what worked for us as DH is from an extremely cold house and I grew up in a warm (too warm) home.

My DH will turn it down as he finds it too warm. I turn it up as I get cold. We discuss it, sometimes niggle at each other about in good spirits but if he did this when he wasn’t even i I’d be really annoyed.