To think there is literally nothing i can do???

[goodfornothinggnome]

I am 28 years of age, and am trying to find a job. It is intense because it brings to the forefront of my mind how absolutely useless i am.

I will struggle for all manner of reasons, I have no friends or family that dont share my last name so Ive no idea what I will do for references. I have worked in the joint business between myself and my husband purely with paperwork but have been sick for the past almost year, so even thats non existent.

aside from that I have no useable skills. Im not very smart, im now painfully shy, have Generalised anxiety disorder, have OCD, depression, am overweight and I have a shockingly low self esteem. I am working on all of these things, currently in CBT for the OCD I am working on losing weight and i cannot afford counselling for the self esteem issues i have.

I have completed some studies, i have worked with animals, i worked within the beauty industry, and even in construction, ive worked as a cleaner, Ive worked as a 111 advisor, Ive worked in Mcdonalds, i failed at it all.

I got to a point where I literally said, fuck it, I will throw myself into managing the family, and do what i can with our business BUT i want something that will enable me to feel like i am actually contributing to something, and also our finances.

Ive got further into my rut what with being at home each day all day on my own until the family are home.

Ive recently started looking again, but I literally cant find anything that I feel like I can do. Ive applied for carers roles and i keep getting turned down. Ive interviewed for travel agency jobs, ive applied to work in local libraries, I have also applied to work in travel agencies... i have an interest in travel.

Just hoping maybe someone can say theyve been here and found somewhere that they fit in. I dont want to spend the rest of my life feeling this way. Its my dream to get a job where I can go to work, feel like i am competent- even if its just working at a supermarket or something....where I can get a wage each month to put towards our bills.
I just feel like a massive drain on our families resources.

Any advice I would gratefully receive.

I have just written this on another post but this would be my advice.

Read through your OP. Now imagine if a friend sent you this in an email. How would you respond? Maybe even reply in Writing responding to these points to your friend! NOW TAKE THAT ADVICE.

The reason why I suggest this is that I am 100% certain that you would not reply with “forget it you are a useless failure”. So how would you reply? What strengths would you point out?

Get rid of all of the pointless useless self dialogue that does nothing to help you move forward and then you have a plan!

Sorry for the late reply, Ive sat down to form a reply to the thread on maybe 5-6 occasions but then Ive felt like it wasnt the time to try and formulate a response, so here I am!

Therapy and trying to make positive changes has really taken it out of me recently, so I do apologise- but the good news is I am really starting to feel better.

I have tried to take a look at my situation, and have realised that a lot of the time I was sacked or ran away from situations when my anxiety was getting the best of me, and I think moving on I really need to try and keep the thoughts to only 1-2 steps ahead, versus always looking at the bigger picture, and every detail, hopefully this will help me stop catastrophising (i dont know how thats spelt today!)

I have looked into mind courses, and will be speaking to them this week about the start dates of some of their courses, and see if i might be able to get onto them, there is a mind about 30 minutes away so thats manageable. There is also a charity nearby that helps people to work on their self esteem, which I think I need to work on.

I have been looking for jobs, and there are a few serious contenders. I saw a job working in the hospital, working with medical records, hours are during school time, and would allow me a really good work/life balance and seems to be something I could do, I had also applied for a few cleaning jobs, but late in the week an opportunity to start contracting has found itself to me, and right now I feel like this may be the best option for me. I am told that the opportunity is to put in evenings and weekends as and when I want, and that way I can still commit myself to the physical needs of the family, and the house, and continue with the therapy.

I know that I am getting ahead of myself, but the opportunity is there for me to contract full time in the long run. If i can convince myself that I can do this, I could earn good money, and even be full time by September when DD goes to upper school.

Feeling really happy, because this could really be within my grasp.

Thank you all for so much support. Ive felt like complete rubbish not really having a place that Ive fit, but this could really be it. Itll feel so good when I can actually contribute financially to our family, or feel like I have a purpose.

That's a very positive update Good! I agree that you should just look at the next 1 or 2 steps, rather than the whole, as it can be overwhelming otherwise.

Good luck with the job hunting, whatever you choose to do. It will really help with your self esteem, to feel like you're contributing to the family finances (as well as having some money of your own) and being a productive member of the workplace.

I'm really pleased for you, you deserve some good things coming your way. You've come a long way since your first post, well done!

This sounds like it could be good. Take it as it goes, and if you find yourself thinking that you are no good, stop and remind yourself that it's 99% likely to be your anxiety talking. I don't know about you, but with me it's cyclical and I find it helpful to look at charts like this and wait a few days before giving anything up as I know I might have decided I am fine at whatever it is by then.

Other people can "read" anxiety wrong and might think that you are being unfriendly / skiving (when actually you are just keeping out of sight) or don't want the job, and thus fire you because of that, not even because of your performance - if you feel as if your behaviour might be coming over wrong, you could consider bringing up your issues in a matter-of-fact way, e.g. labelling it "being an introvert" if you don't want to use "anxiety".

Congratulations! That all sounds really positive 😃 well done you and good luck with everything! I’ve always fancied medical records, it seems like it would be interesting and a nice, low stress job