To think there is literally nothing i can do???

[goodfornothinggnome]

I am 28 years of age, and am trying to find a job. It is intense because it brings to the forefront of my mind how absolutely useless i am.

I will struggle for all manner of reasons, I have no friends or family that dont share my last name so Ive no idea what I will do for references. I have worked in the joint business between myself and my husband purely with paperwork but have been sick for the past almost year, so even thats non existent.

aside from that I have no useable skills. Im not very smart, im now painfully shy, have Generalised anxiety disorder, have OCD, depression, am overweight and I have a shockingly low self esteem. I am working on all of these things, currently in CBT for the OCD I am working on losing weight and i cannot afford counselling for the self esteem issues i have.

I have completed some studies, i have worked with animals, i worked within the beauty industry, and even in construction, ive worked as a cleaner, Ive worked as a 111 advisor, Ive worked in Mcdonalds, i failed at it all.

I got to a point where I literally said, fuck it, I will throw myself into managing the family, and do what i can with our business BUT i want something that will enable me to feel like i am actually contributing to something, and also our finances.

Ive got further into my rut what with being at home each day all day on my own until the family are home.

Ive recently started looking again, but I literally cant find anything that I feel like I can do. Ive applied for carers roles and i keep getting turned down. Ive interviewed for travel agency jobs, ive applied to work in local libraries, I have also applied to work in travel agencies... i have an interest in travel.

Just hoping maybe someone can say theyve been here and found somewhere that they fit in. I dont want to spend the rest of my life feeling this way. Its my dream to get a job where I can go to work, feel like i am competent- even if its just working at a supermarket or something....where I can get a wage each month to put towards our bills.
I just feel like a massive drain on our families resources.

Any advice I would gratefully receive.

I have got qualifications, I have them in IT, but i was rubbish, did the same to work in the beauty industry and construction. It seems that training literally makes no sense because i fail anyway. Ive come around to the way of thinking that if I can set my sights quite low that i have a chance of achieving.

In what way do you think you fail?

You must be competent if you gain the qualifications.

So do you give up on it after? Is it getting a job after you get the qualification? Is it giving up on setting up your own business? Is it working ft/pt that is the problem?

Did things go wrong because of anxiety? 💐

Why not set yourself up as a dog walker/dogsitter?

1. You like animals.
2. Exercise is part of the job (weight loss).
3. Fresh air and doggie cuddles will help your MH.

thank you everyone for being so lovely to me, I think a massive part of not getting carers jobs may have been that i do tend to come across as visibly anxious much of the time, which I wish I could change!

I have enjoyed aspects of many of the roles I have worked in, I enjoyed working with dogs, because this was not always dependant on people, and I love dogs. I was earning decent money, and I really felt good about myself, but about 14 months later it all sort of imploded. One of the elderly dogs i looked after was PTS and his owner died, and because i had got used to seeing them each day and grew fond of them both, i took that quite hard, and felt a lot of guilt about not being able to help either of them. I reduced to only one dog who i cared for, and he went back to live with his owner. I loved looking after the dogs, but I no longer have any clients and havent really been able to gain much of a new clientele-not enough to make it worth having insurances or paying to get my dog first aid renewed.

I then moved on to working for nhs 111, this was a massive, massive mistake for me. I completed the training, but i took a few bad calls, and I was wracked with anxiety, whilst it was a job i really wanted, and would have loved without the anxiety I was too scared to make a mistake in regards to anyones health, and I would find that some calls would stay on my mind for days. I would have been proud to have been able to keep that job, but i actually failed when they reviewed my calls, and i didnt feel i could continue- i didnt hurt anyone I was pulled up on poor wording.

Then i worked in construction, I managed to get myself into supervisory roles, but these havent worked out because of my anxiety.

writing this all down, Im realising that a huge amount of this is the anxiety dealing with any sort of responsibility which renders me unable to deal with any of it.

I have spent my life moving from one industry to another in order to try and make something workable, I hate feeling like I cant deal with anything.

The only job I've really had that I could deal with was when I cleaned a building site, It was only for the last 6 months but I loved making it clean and getting rid of the smell in the toilets...which is actually really stupid i know, but I felt some pride in doing something. I dont think I would be able to gain another job just like that where I work on a site when works finished so I dont need to worry about people laughing at me or anything else.

Contact the Young Women’s Trust - they provide free coaching a CV advice.

Oh, and I worked as a Pawnbroker for about a week! They sacked me, because i wasnt getting it..

I think you need to get some help for your anxiety. Get that under control and the rest will fall into place. I'd start by seeing your gp and telling g them how much of an impact anxiety has on your life.

It sounds as if you gave up a bit easily with the dogs. You liked that and needed to find more dogs to care for. I understand it isn't worth doing it small-scale, because of insurance costs, but you could make a plan of action for it to work. Volunteer at the dog groomers and vets if you can. Cards in shop windows, flyers through doors. Your local facebook page and join any local Facebook dog groups. Perhaps start a meetup group of dog owners to go for a walk and drink at a dog-friendly pub. Do you have an outgoing friend you could rope in to helping you with this?
I'd strongly suggest that you steer clear of any jobs like the NHS one. You should avoid jobs that involve time pressure and responsibility for others IMO.

If you enjoyed your cleaning job then most offices have cleaners that work early mornings or evenings. Perhaps you could look at working for a cleaning agency?

It really doesn’t sound like you are a failure you just need to find something that’s the right fit. You have a wide range of experience & you’re not afraid to get your hands dirty. I agree with previous posters that seeing your GP to get help with your anxiety is a good idea.

Good luck! [ flowers]

It sounds like your CV is probably a bit all over the place so employers think you won’t commit if they take you on and they’ll need to replace you in 6 months.

Have you tried a standard call centre job (I know you said you did 111 but that’s a bit different to a basic call centre) they usually have a high turn over sowing be so bothered about your work history and they usually offer training and opportunities for progression if you stay a while.

So neither dog care nor cleaning were failures at all ?

Ive been quite unlucky with medication so far, ive been on a lot of different mixtures of medication with varying degrees of working, luckily have been offered some CBT for the OCD symptoms which have been shrugged off as just anxiety by the GP and other MH professionals for about 8 years.

am currently on venlafaxine, propranolol, amitryptyline, and the odd dose of diazepam depending on how bad the physical affects are.

Im often at the drs with a headache that wont go, or at the dentist because ive cracked a tooth from grinding and clenching my teeth. Not to forget the chest pains or dizziness of course. i think theyre so sick of me that they just stop listening.

It sounds like you are actually a very good worker. You have experience in various roles and you worked your way up to supervisor level. That in itself is very accomplished. Try and focus more on that first and foremost. It is your anxiety getting in the way. If you can get help with this, everything else should fall into place. Maybe start with a job where you don't have huge responsibility.Remember too that everyine makes mistakes, it's nothing to be ashamed of. The trick is learning from them and then letting them go. Maybe you are too caring for a carer job if you know what I mean.

ah, i missed out the cleaning with Mcdonalds, sorry. Trying to answer everything.

No, maybe the dogs werent a failure, maybe i just view it as such because of the dog and owner who died. i felt like id failed them though.

Maybe I do have some options,

thank you to the PP who says cleaning in an office out of hours, sounds just like my cup of tea. I could happily do that.

I do agree that my cv is also all over the place, whilst it is well weitten(- sounds nothing like i had anything to do with it!) it is all over the place, with all the jumping about. I havent thought about call centre work, i will have to look into that a bit, ive kept well away from that since 111 but youre right. its very different.

Bestestbrownies makes a great point!

thank you all, this is really helpful to me, and im feeling oddly empowered.

......and yes, I get what you mean about caring too much to do care work, ive often been told that I am a sensitive soul (which im sure really means pull yourself together you daft sod!)

Call centre job is a really good call. You get so many calls that it all just becomes the same if you see what I mean.

I did that for about three years. I was so nervous for about a week. After that, I flew 😮

I don't know anything about anxiety.
You sound like a massive perfectionist, though. If you didn't call your condition anxiety, I'd tell you to cut yourself some slack. Most of us settle for just muddling thru with adequate.

Funny enough I just started a new job in a new sector (high pressure, too much detail, bad press if we get it wrong, office politics). I hate having to wear office clothes & feel very inadequate about how I dress. Daily challenge.

The amount of body odour (office is Too Hot). Bad breath. Farts, Ribbald jokes. Messy desks. Mangled handshakes. High nerves & obvious insecurities. It helps that I'm older so I can regard all this with bemusement. I still can't dress the part very well, but I'm not intimated by everyone else like I thought I'd be.

Oh, pet. You are clearly bright and articulate, but you are so anxious. Get help for that - get coping strategies in place - and you will feel so much better. Have you tried meditation?

The Headspace app is great, I really recommend it. positive affirmations would also work for you.

The dog thing was not your fault. You’re clearly competent.

You need to work out what you’d like to do - things like 111 operator are too stressful, and would be for lots of people, including me, so not that. What do you enjoy?

Take it from there.

I’d be happy to look at your cv if that would help.

Why do you feel you failed the elderly dog and it's owner OP?

Volunteering is worth looking at- try do-it.org to build your confidence.

Your mail indicates your are articulate, it follows an organised structure and presents an argument well and logically. I think you are very good at talking yourself down and wish you would put that same energy and focus into talking yourself up.
I know you are in a rut and we are taught not to value raising a family as much as making a direct financial contribution, but I'm sure you have lots of talents and qualities. You need a lucky break, we all need a lucky break occasionally.

Use March to be self improvement month.

Get a colour and hair cut at local college to help students ( and get a nice new look) nails and facial too if available .
Stop eating, loose weight.
Volunteer somewhere ; food bank, local school reading, charity shop, dog kennels.
Spend one hour everyday tweaking CV, looking for jobs and applying.
Spend 20 minutes doing 39 day shred.

You aren’t trying to be the next Amanda Holden/Kardashian/Teresa May. You just got to be a happier you by April.

Really? Manicure and facial? That's the advice we're still giving out to women struggling with their mental health in the world of work?

Sounds to me like the one job you actually loved was the dogs. Is there a local ani.al shelter or something you could volunteer at? Get yourself known to staff and the when a job comes up you can apply.

Could you get an ex client from that job be a reference? Given that you have worked with your family I don't think having one family reference would be so bad.

Wishing you all the best with your job search