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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel ashamed over dummy

74 replies

Theunluckydip · 26/02/2019 08:11

Hi all
I've been getting a lot of comments from people recently as my DD is 2.5 and still has a dummy. Amongst these people it's mainly my MIL/SIL who have made them, and it's making me feel really terrible.

Dd only has a dummy for bedtime and sometimes on car journeys. Dh and I have allowed it since it has been one of her only comfort items. MIL has always been judgemental over me allowing the dummy but recently SIL made a comment about it when we saw her last weekend. The nursery works have also mentioned it to me.

The dentist has no concerns about herteeth, and her speech is above average for her age.
Am I being too easily worried or do I need to ditch it?

OP posts:

InDubiousBattle · 26/02/2019 08:15

You don't need to ditch it, they need to mind their own bloody business. Dummies are great.

LovingLola · 26/02/2019 08:16

Does she have a nap in nursery ?

my2bundles · 26/02/2019 08:19

Ignore themy. Many young children need to suck for comfort. My son had his untill he was nearly 5, at tne time he needed that comfort alongside hugs etc. It hadn't affected his teeth or his speach, he us 11 now with a full set of lovely straight adult teeth. Allow them to give up this comfort when they are ready.

TheSerenDipitY · 26/02/2019 08:19

why?
why are you giving their feelings on the subject any thoughts over your and your childs feelings? are their feelings more important?

Cornettoninja · 26/02/2019 08:24

Honestly ignore them. 2.5 is fine for having a dummy, especially if he’s not got it permanently in his mouth (I do believe that limits speech but even then i wouldn’t advocate for complete removal just limitation if the child wasn’t ready).

Everyone’s an expert on other people’s children 🙄

Cornettoninja · 26/02/2019 08:25

Meant to add that I’d be more concerned about thumb sucking if the dummy was removed.

RogersVideo · 26/02/2019 08:25

My 3 year old still has her dummy at night. And her 4 year old cousin still has his at night too.

Just ignore them!

chocolatemademefat · 26/02/2019 08:31

You know what - kids grow up and all this will be forgotten. Do what’s right for your child and ignore other people. They did what they wanted.

Babdoc · 26/02/2019 08:36

I often wonder if people desperately sticking cigarettes or vapes in their mouths were deprived of their dummies too young and are seeking a replacement oral comfort.
Ignore comments, OP. A dummy for naps/sleep is not going to affect speech development during the day. Your child will abandon it when ready.
If they still use it at secondary school, perhaps have a word then..!

Birdsgottafly · 26/02/2019 08:40

You should have told your Mil straight long ago.

I didn't use dummies, but my youngest GD does.

I had my concerns but a bit of Googling taught me that, they can cut down on SIDS, that some children need to suckle more and that helps them in lots of ways, if fulfilled. My GD used to use my DD as a dummy and Ive seen babies overfed because they've just wanted to suckle, not feed. There seems to be a lot less thumb sucking around than there used to be.

If it's only for bed, there isn't an issue.

AhFeck · 26/02/2019 08:52

Rather a dummy at bedtime/poorly days than a thumb constantly shoved in their mouth it makes me heave when kids do that horrid sucky babyish face with their eyes looking up like an upset newborn and their thumb in their mouth and hand stroking their face. Freaks me out so much, it's like watching them pretend to be a baby!

ppeatfruit · 26/02/2019 08:56

The baby is 2 and a half there is NO ISSUE anyway. Ask your MIL and SIL if they would like their cups of tea or glasses of wine removed or whatever? I don't get why children aren't allowed some comforts.

ppeatfruit · 26/02/2019 08:59

Ahfeck So no children are allowed to suck their thumbs OR dummies how very kind of you.

FrenchJunebug · 26/02/2019 09:13

ignore them. My son had a dummy until 3. I was not allowed to talk with it in his mouth but otherwise who cares. One day he stopped using it. Tell people to mind their own business. In my opinion a dummy is better than a thumb as you can take it away. As to you being ashamed DON'T BE.

Soubriquet · 26/02/2019 09:14

My dd had a dummy till quite late. I think she was 3.5 before she finally gave it up. But gave it up she did. In her own time

We tried once and her behaviour became so bad, went had to give her it back. She became very anxious, teary, clingy and so not my usual bubbly daughter. Gave it back and she changed back to my bubbly girl.

We tried a few months later and we had no problems. She hasn’t looked back since.

Ds never took a dummy but he did suck his blanket. He’s 4 next week and seems to have weaned himself off it over the last few months

No NT child sucks a dummy aged 16 (without drugs anyway ). She will give it up when she’s ready and honestly a little comfort at bed time is ideal.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 26/02/2019 09:18

it makes me heave when kids do that horrid sucky babyish face with their eyes looking up like an upset newborn and their thumb in their mouth and hand stroking their face. Freaks me out so much, it's like watching them pretend to be a baby!

Bit of an extreme response there, AhFeck!

KeepSmiling83 · 26/02/2019 09:19

DD2 is nearly 4 and still has hers for bed and car journeys. Our dentist has said they are fine until the age of 4 so we have been trying to prepare her that in a couple of months we will be giving her dummy to the new baby animals (we are going to take her on a trip to the zoo).

DD1 only had a dummy until she was 11 months as she gave it up herself and I have to say her speech was better than DD2s. Whether that's down to the dummy I'll never know!

BeanTownNancy · 26/02/2019 09:23

Better a dummy than a thumb IMO - at least one day when they are ready and you take the dummy away, they are unlikely to switch to their thumb.

I have a sibling in their 30s who still sucks their thumb... even at work. They have a 2yo who sucks his thumb as well and never talks because he has it shoved in his face all day - it's not an easy habit to break as you can't just take the thumb away.

Personally, I binned the dummies when my son started chewing through them just before he turned 2 - decided they were a choking hazard at that point. He had a couple of nights being a bit sad and looking for them, but within 3 nights he went to sleep without them and has been perfectly fine ever since.

ItStartedWithAKiss241 · 26/02/2019 09:25

She’s your daughter and absolutely your choice, but if nursery, your mil and SIL have all seen it is she really only having it at bedtime? How would they even know she had it. If it’s when she’s tired, relaxed watching tv, in the car then sleepy at MILs as you ended up staying for tea it could be she has it a lot more that you realise. x

PepperSteak · 26/02/2019 09:26

I’m pleased I saw this today. DD (22 months) only has a dummy at night but has had it in the day time a few days recently as has a rotten cold. Glad to see I’m
Not being judged

welshweasel · 26/02/2019 09:30

My 3 year old still has his at night. Given he settles himself to sleep after a quick story (no having to lie with him until he falls asleep like some of my friends do) and sleeps 11-12 hours without waking I’m loathe to remove it currently!

reallyanotherone · 26/02/2019 09:31

Rather a dummy at bedtime/poorly days than a thumb constantly shoved in their mouth

I do find it odd when some people are vehemently anti-dummy, but encourage thumb sucking. I’ve seen many a superior post saying no way in hell would their child every have a dummy, but it was ok as they found their thumb at 3 weeks.

Dummies can be removed far easier than thumbs!

O/p i had similar with mine. Only i didn’t limit it as such either. I tried many, many times to restrict it to bed only, but they’d end up sticking a thumb in instead. So i figured we’d stick with one habit.

She eventually gave it up about 4. However when she started school she went through a brief phase of thumb sucking again. Fortunately it didn’t stick!

Sindragosan · 26/02/2019 09:31

My hv was fine with dd having a dummy just for bedtime at 2/3. They said as long as it's only for sleeping and nothing else not to worry about it.

MiGi777 · 26/02/2019 09:32

My son had a dummy until he was 3. Back then the health visitor was strongly advising mums not to use them for various weird reasons. BUT my son couldn't settle at night. He was so happy during the day but at bedtime he'd cry until gone midnight and nothing could settle him. In the end it was my dad who said to try a dummy. The second I tried it he slept all night and it comforted him so much. I have no idea why! I cuddled him to pieces yet this piece of plastic did the trick. I don't think it's anyone else's business whether or not your baby has a dummy. Surely that's up to you based on your own situation. I personally would rather a settled comforted relaxed child and if a dummy for bedtime helps I can't see why anyone would have a problem with it. The older generation have some strange ideas though. If any of my babies cried she'd wipe the floor with me for picking them up straight away for a cuddle, aparantly I was meant to leave them cry in case I "spoiled" them whatever that meant! The dummy didn't destroy his life, he's at uni now doing a law degree. He seems pretty normal!

MiGi777 · 26/02/2019 09:33

My nan!! My nan would wipe the floor with me! Typo!

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