To think OH isn't careful enough with the baby?

[SchlickShlock]

My little boy is 10 months old. He's just started crawling and pulling himself up and is into everything. I'm still on maternity leave so spend all day with him.

My OH works long hours but has adjusted his day so that he can be home for an hour or so to see the baby before bedtime. Great! Apart from over the last few weeks this hour before bed has just become a mad house. OH rough houses and tosses the baby around like he's a rugby ball. In the past week the baby has had two nose bleeds, one from head banging with OH and one from being dropped. Just tonight while I was tidying up in the kitchen (having five minutes peace!) the baby has screamed.... When I've gone in to see what's happened OH says he hit his head on a toy. He hits his head a lot during the day but never hard enough to scream. OH won't let me take him, calms him down and I leave the room, less than five minutes later the baby is screaming again apparently this time because he's hit the cupboard.

I just feel like I can't trust my OH to spend time with him alone. He's so rough with him and doesn't seem to understand that he's not old enough for the kind of energetic playing OH is used to doing with his (older) nieces and nephews.

It doesn't help that it's just before bed, he's tired and a bit cranky and my OH is trying to make up for all the hours he's missed while he is at work.

Am I being unreasonable or should I expect my OH to listen to me and dial it back a bit, play more gently and try and prevent any more injuries?

DD and I have clashed heads regularly. She has never had a nosebleed.

He’s not ashamed and horrified or he would stop ‘roughhousing’ with a fucking baby. If he’s trying to make up for not being there more, he should sit him down and read a story. I’m damned sure your son would prefer that. I worked full time from when DD was a year old. I never once thought “I haven’t seen her all day, I’ll throw her about like a rugby ball” It’s bloody bedtime, do something quiet. Only an idiot doesn’t realise that.

Some folk are very physical, they don’t know their own strength.
Sure, these men that don’t know their own strength are presumably constantly doing themselves serious harm when they accidentally squeeze their penis too hard when they pee or crack one off because they don’t know their own strength 🙄 Stop making excuses for people who just can’t be arsed caring about who they hurt.

Op just for your own peace of mind pop the baby down to A&E and get him checked over. Tell them how it happened and that you are worried. Not only can they check the baby but they will offer proper support and advice. Better to be safe than sorry

My ds is 8 months and loves being thrown around (wrong term! He likes being held upside down and jiggled about, finds it hilarious if you somersault him from sitting to sitting holding on if that makes sense), he also is trying to move and hits his head a few times a day, usually there'll be a little shocked cry and easily distracted.

Ds has never had a nose bleed from the above and I'd be horrified if he did (comment aimed at your dp, not you). Dp would never stop me comforting ds. Your dp at minimum needs have a word with himself and grow up. Your child is not a toy and he needs to be protected, if dp doesn't understand that dp doesn't get to play with him.

Totally agree OP’s husband is far too rough.

Just for balance though, one of my 14 month old DT’s fell on her face from standing this morning (she’s only been walking a month) and had a tiny nose bleed afterwards. She knocked her nose rather than her head if that makes sense. Just wanted to point out it doesn’t always take a huge impact. That said, I’d be furious if DH had caused her to have not one but two nosebleeds.

Not sure op will be back. A lot of people jumping the gun here

The force needed to cause a nosebleed on a ten month old baby could also have caused a brain injury. You seriously need to take them to A&E and get them checked out.
My middle child was massively clumsy, couldn't toddle through a wide open door without banging her head on one of the door frame sides, never ever had a nosebleed.

This is seriously disturbing.

Op is obviously a good mother because she has posted for advice, and she seems to care very much for her baby. I am pretty sure she will do the right thing and protect him.
Op, people are just worried, that’s all. Can you chat to your parents or a close friend about this?

If you told this to anyone in a childcare or school setting or any healthcare professional you would be reported to social care and they would do an emergency assessment. I suppose you've shown him the thread now and he's pretending it never happened and you're exaggerating. What he's done is very dangerous and could have life-changing consequences.

op have you spoken to your oh?

he needs to listen to you. it's not even remotely normal for a baby to have a nose bleed never mind so many accidents.

I am another that straight away thought of abuse, especially as the OP heard the baby scream on two occasions within minutes and both times when she was out of the room.

OP - you only have your partner's word for what happened. If there is nothing untoward going on then your partner shouldn't object to the baby being checked out at hospital.

He hit his head hard enough to have a nosebleed?? Twice?!
Did you take him to A&E?

I have 4 DC and none of them have ever had a nosebleed from a bumped head, he must have whacked it with some serious force!

This is quite shocking and I'm laid back in my parenting

This is horrifying. It may not be intentional but it is abusive. You can’t let your child be exposed to this treatment - you need to intervene and tell OH that unless he starts treating the baby with care you’ll be removing him and informing social services. As a mother your first responsibility is to protect your child, even from his own father if necessary.

Either he's thick and shouldn't be left alone with a baby/child or he's being far too rough and actually injuring your DC which equals physical abuse.
Either way ffs don't leave the child alone with him because he can't be trusted to care for him and the next time he injures the child for heaven's sake report him and leave.
Poor little mite.

neglect is a form of abuse

I have a dad like this, he is a complete pig headed moron around childen and was always hurting me and Dsis as children. He got completely carried away and would not stop. My DM used to shout at him but he wouldn’t stop or listen. When I got older this turned into very quick reflexes of aggression towards me because it got a reaction - also if I accidentally hit him in the face from being tickled very hard, he would lash back at me in the moment and smack me.

IMO this just is completely out of control and not ok - it can o too far too quickly. I’ve never liked this type of play with my own DC and didn’t like it if ex did it. I always felt like it’s a poor and dangerous substitute for real attention like playing a game or reading - it’s a moronic idea that this is ‘bonding’ or interacting with a child.

My DF once did the ‘helicopter’ move on my Dsis and pulled her arm out the socket. A few months later he did the same thing again. Total dick

I have a nephew who is quite rough and tumbly and often wants to be played with roughly but I always make sure I do any juggling or spinning around in a very safe space in a safe way - I might spin around with him in my arms with a firm grip, but I wouldn’t throw him in the air. This is when it goes too far and your DH you need to have a very serious chat

I think it sounds like he doesn't realise how easily they can be hurt. If he's at work most of the time he won't have enough experience dealing with such a little baby

My 2 are much older now but had all the normal head knocking/falls/bangs/That awful thing where they REALLY crack you in the face with theirs and never once did either have a nose bleed.
I actually can't imagine how hard he must be hitting his face for this to happen

Put it this way, when DD was 10 months DS at that point had sat on her, head butted her, hit her, stepped on her, poked and prodded her, at one point he tried to launch her off the sofa and did succeed several times, yet not one nosebleed. So how hard must your dp be 'playing' to cause one?

Before anyone judges she was a early walker, DS has SEN, and she was just as much as a little bugger as him to the point of having to use baby gates to seperate them.

Wtf Have i just read - you’ve let this carry on - he’s hurting your child and you say its just ‘rough play!’ For fucks sake wake the fuck up op and protect your child before something happens to him! Nosebleeds! Jesus Christ.

Our son has always LOVED a good bit of rough and tumble from being a baby and he is a clumsy little thing, always head banging, tripping, bumping etc.

He's wriggled out of a fireman's lift/fallen off the bed/head-butted the baby gate/trapped fingers in door and it's never culminated in anything like a nose bleed... much less when he was less than a year.

Each time both DH and I have joined a cause and effect team to prevent anything like it happening again, your partner is not parenting, he endangering the child - and so are you if you don't do anything!

If anything happens to a baby/child one parent saying they told the other to stop it does not go down well in the courts hence both parents being prosecuted.

DS launched himself out of his buggy at 18 months whilst I was opening the front door, and he smacked the back of his head on stone flags. Picked him up and his nose started bleeding, so we went straight to a&e. Six hours of observation and we were sent home with a concussion leaflet- and a friendly warning from the consultant that we may get a call from SS as we’d been to
A&E a few times (all for illness rather than injury, and justified every time- kid has had a rough start healthwise).

To me- seeing DS bump his head hard enough that his nose bled sickened me. I was beside myself with worry about brain injury. I felt horribly guilty. And it has never happened again.

That’s a normal response to a nosebleed after head injury. The cavalier attitude of your husband is astonishing.

How about you go back to work OP and your DP can drop down some of his ‘long hours’? Maybe then he’ll have chance to spend more time with HIS ds rather than trying to cram everything into the one hour a day he’s currently getting and doing such a ‘bad job’ of; in your opinion.

I read far too many ‘my DH just isn’t up to scratch/careful/attentive/involved enough’ and it’s 99% women who are at home full time either on my maternity or simply not working.

Ofc he’s not as good at it as you, he’s stuck at work all day no doubt wishing he was at home with DS!

He caused his 10 month old baby to have two nosebleeds in a week. That's very abnormal. If he's not abusive, and is a loving father he needs to stop before your DS ends up needing a hospital visit. Get your DH a punchbag to take his excess energy out on.

If your DS starts school and tells the teacher "Oh this bruise is when Daddy threw me on the sofa, and this is from when Daddy put me in a headlock" there will be concern...