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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think OH isn't careful enough with the baby?

148 replies

SchlickShlock · 25/02/2019 19:03

My little boy is 10 months old. He's just started crawling and pulling himself up and is into everything. I'm still on maternity leave so spend all day with him.

My OH works long hours but has adjusted his day so that he can be home for an hour or so to see the baby before bedtime. Great! Apart from over the last few weeks this hour before bed has just become a mad house. OH rough houses and tosses the baby around like he's a rugby ball. In the past week the baby has had two nose bleeds, one from head banging with OH and one from being dropped. Just tonight while I was tidying up in the kitchen (having five minutes peace!) the baby has screamed.... When I've gone in to see what's happened OH says he hit his head on a toy. He hits his head a lot during the day but never hard enough to scream. OH won't let me take him, calms him down and I leave the room, less than five minutes later the baby is screaming again apparently this time because he's hit the cupboard.

I just feel like I can't trust my OH to spend time with him alone. He's so rough with him and doesn't seem to understand that he's not old enough for the kind of energetic playing OH is used to doing with his (older) nieces and nephews.

It doesn't help that it's just before bed, he's tired and a bit cranky and my OH is trying to make up for all the hours he's missed while he is at work.

Am I being unreasonable or should I expect my OH to listen to me and dial it back a bit, play more gently and try and prevent any more injuries?

OP posts:
DC3dilemma · 25/02/2019 20:04

Awful.

OP, I hope this is just idiocy and he stops and thinks about things now before anything more serious happens.

Trying to be generous, I wonder if he is craving the baby being older and less dependent on you, and this is just him rushing the kind of play a toddler/preschooler might enjoy. But if he just won’t listen and wake up to the fact that this is a 10m old baby, you’re going to have to speak to the HV.

fezzesarecool · 25/02/2019 20:04

What is the headbanging nosebleed about?

My two year old has banged my head with his during a tantrum on a few occasions, once causing me a cut lip. But he’s never had a mark on him from on and he’s very forceful when he’s done it.

How about the fall/drop? Again my dd is a climber and had a few falls, only injuries from scraped knees from outside or the graze he had recently as his head caught a corner.

In my mind for your baby to get a nosebleed in this way strength and force has been used.

JumpOrBePushed · 25/02/2019 20:04

He’s being far too rough. And it’s very worrying that he’s continuing to engage in rough play after the baby’s already been hurt once.

Accidents can happen, yes, but the normal response would be to tone down the rough play and take more care after the first time the baby was hurt.

And I agree that it sounds like a pattern of behaviour that would draw attention from SS.

Biancadelrioisback · 25/02/2019 20:04

Sorry but my DS is 2 and has never had a bump or fall resulting in a nose bleed. My DH plays rugby, we all wrestle and jump on each other, still none of us have ever sustained an injury. I'd be horrified if DS ended up with a nose bleed from our play fights and would stop straight away

pudcat · 25/02/2019 20:04

Do stop making excuses for your husband. Accidents do happen but not as frequently as this. Also why does your baby hit his head a lot during the day? Are you not watching him as he crawls about?

Pegase · 25/02/2019 20:05

I would quite seriously consider this as abuse and, as someone who works with children, would report this behaviour to social services without hesitation. You are minimising his actions I'm afraid and I agree with previous posters that this could end with a more serious injury very easily with such a young child.

cometinmoominvalley · 25/02/2019 20:07

I'm going to go against the grain a little bit here, not minimising the fact that it's a serious situation but I wouldn't leap to the conclusion that it's deliberately abusive. That said, it's totally unacceptable and very scary that these types of injuries are happening and God forbid something even worse were to happen. It's neglect and you are both culpable if you allow it to continue, sorry. What steps are you going to take to make sure it never happens again?

ChristmasArmadillo · 25/02/2019 20:07

I was expecting to think YABU as my husband can be fairly boisterous with our children but this level + your baby’s age is ridiculous and I wouldn’t be letting him near them. Nosebleeds?? This isn’t normal at all. He could really injure the poor little mite, please protect your baby.

Ellie56 · 25/02/2019 20:09

This really doesn't sound good OP.

Springwalk · 25/02/2019 20:14

I am shocked!

This isn’t just rough play op, he is injuring your child!

I don’t understand how this can ever be okay with you, nose bleeds and dropping him. WTH!

You need to keep your baby safe, and urgently need to find out what is happening every time you leave the room.

ems137 · 25/02/2019 20:14

My 2 toddlers are very boisterous, clumsy and rough by nature, they have minor accidents every single day. We have NEVER had a nose bleed, the only blood has either been from a grazed knee or where they bit their own lip falling onto it.

My DH is also very rough and loves to play fight with them. He's never hurt them though, they normally hurt him. What your partner is doing is not ok, it's really not ok or normal. I would have gone crazy after the first injury, it certainly wouldn't have happened again!

ohtheholidays · 25/02/2019 20:18

This doesn't sound like lots of accidents SchlickShlock I'm sorry but it doesn't and I say that as a mother of 5DC and 2 of my DC are disabled(they both struggle with they're balance and hand eye coordination)I'm also an Auntie to 13 children and I've worked in Nurserys(1 of which had baby's from only a couple of months old)and schools and I've never witnessed a nosebleed with any of those children so the fact that your DS has had 2 at only 10 months old is very suspect!

I'd be getting the baby away from him,for me my 5DC come before anyone else no matter who they are,you need to put your baby first!

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/02/2019 20:19

I am on another thread talking about the treatment of a child. Someone, who has been working with children for a very long time made a chilling remark. It went something like this:

Most mothers don’t abuse their children. 90% of children removed from their family home were removed because their mothers failed to protect them.

Please advocate for your child.

CrazyPineapple · 25/02/2019 20:19

www.nhs.uk/conditions/nosebleed/
The NHS are clear that if a child under 2 has a nosebleed after a blow to the head they must see a GP straight away. Who knows what damage has been done already to their developing brain?
You need to step up as a mother and put your child first. Your child looks to you for protection. Do it!

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 25/02/2019 20:19

Speak to your health visitor, or if they are useless (not unknown!) see your GP. I would tell you to get every injury documented when it happens but I think the problem is too urgent for that. I'm not normally one for involving the authorities, but this is serious.
When you baby is seriously injured, nobody is going to care that you told your husband not to be so rough, just that you failed to protect your baby.

CrazyPineapple · 25/02/2019 20:21

A&E, that should be, not GP

bobstersmum · 25/02/2019 20:21

I think it sounds like he doesn't realise how easily they can be hurt. If he's at work most of the time he won't have enough experience dealing with such a little baby, you really do have to think ahead and not take your eye off the ball
I've got three and the middle one was always sporting a massive head bump, he was non stop, once I was at the doctors and as I was talking to the gp he wrestled free from me and ran across the room tripped over the weighing scales and his head came up in the hugest bump you've ever seen, instantly. The gp said oh dear go home and get the frozen peas on it! He was only 14 months! I was glad it happened there though.

However, nose bleeds sound serious!

Springwalk · 25/02/2019 20:21

You would think if he had caused an actual nose bleed to a ten month baby that he would NEVER ever do that again. Surely if it was not intentional YOU would not have to say anything to him!!!!

The very fact he has continued to injure and harm his baby even ignoring your pleas to stop makes it very much intentional, because he isn’t stopping. Is he?

You have to take your baby away from this man op. It is such a dangerous situation, one that could end very very badly if you don’t take immediate action to protect your baby.

Booboostwo · 25/02/2019 20:23

My DD was extremely clumsy as a toddler, she would fall all the time and she fell straight without bending her knees or putting out her hands but even she never had a nosebleed! What he did must have been extreme to cause such an injury twice.

Why is he not able to predict that this kind of inappropriate play is dangerous? It’s a bizarre excuse for someone who is, presumably, NT. Making a mistake is fine, it can happen to anyone, but repeatedly failing to predict that situations are dangerous for a baby is very odd.

Namebot · 25/02/2019 20:24

I think a nose bleed is quite an extreme injury for baby. Think about the force required to cause a bleed from the nose. That’s a heck of an impact.

Both of mine have head butted me ( accidentally) when they were that age or older. It was eye wateringly painful but they both laughed and thought it was hilarious - the impact had not hurt them. If your baby is bleeding and crying the force must be massively significant.

Cherylshaw · 25/02/2019 20:26

When I started reading your post I was thinking yabu, my partner play wrestles and tosses the kids about and is rougher playing than me but that has never resulted in any injuries
YANBU I have 2 kids under five and neither of them have had nose bleeds or been dropped, of course accidents happen but this seems very unusual

Booboostwo · 25/02/2019 20:27

Please click on the NHS link above, it’s shocking. Your DS may need medical attention.

NerrSnerr · 25/02/2019 20:27

I think it sounds like he doesn't realise how easily they can be hurt. If he's at work most of the time he won't have enough experience dealing with such a little baby

That's bollocks, most working parents can figure out how to play with their children without being so forceful they give them nosebleeds.

Did you get medical attention OP? Your baby needs someone to keep them safe. anyfucker is right, what injury is going to be next?

NotMyUsualTopBilling · 25/02/2019 20:27

My daughter was a head banger from an early age, she would head butt anything and everything in her path if she didn't get her own way and literally stuck her head through the TV screen when she was 2! It was a standing joke that no one ever saw her without a bump or bruised forehead as a result.

Not once did she have a nose bleed!

TrixieFranklin · 25/02/2019 20:32

Please protect your child from this behaviour it sounds awful for the poor baby.

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