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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Another "no kids at wedding" thread

62 replies

havingtochangeusernameagain · 25/02/2019 14:37

Except that my son is 16 and not invited. He is the groom's cousin, it's my husband's nephew who is getting married. DS will have finished exams/school by the time of the wedding. Info with invite says no kids.

WIBU to ask if ds can attend?

OP posts:

DirtyDennis · 25/02/2019 14:42

Does your DS want to go?

clairemcnam · 25/02/2019 14:43

Does the groom see much of him at all?

BartonHollow · 25/02/2019 14:44

You don't ask if he can go but you ask what the age cut off is for "kids"

16 is NOT a kid

LazyLizzy · 25/02/2019 14:44

WIBU to ask if ds can attend?

Yes. Don't ask, it's embarrassing.

PurpleDaisies · 25/02/2019 14:45

Is he named on the invitation?

bingoitsadingo · 25/02/2019 14:45

Depends. If you have an 18yro daughter who is invited, YANBU. Otherwise, I imagine he isn't invited as a way of cutting down numbers, rather than because they are afraid he will be disruptive. In which case YWBU. Sometimes you have to draw a line somewhere, a cousin that they are presumably not that close to (?) is not an unreasonable place to draw it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/02/2019 14:45

If he’s not named on the invitation then he’s not invited. Does it say yours and husband’s names or “family xxx”?

CaseofEllen · 25/02/2019 14:45

I think they would've included your DS on the invite if they wanted to invite him.

NameChangeNugget · 25/02/2019 14:45

I would imagine a 16 year old boy would rather crap in his hands and clap, than attend a wedding.

He’s not been invited, don’t be THAT relative....

Merryoldgoat · 25/02/2019 14:45

Of course you should ask.

PurpleDaisies · 25/02/2019 14:46

Of course you should ask.

Why?

Jackshouse · 25/02/2019 14:46

What does the invitation say? Smith family? Then ask but or Claire and Roger Smith then don’t.

LazyLizzy · 25/02/2019 14:47

Of course you should ask.

Why? OP said he had not been invited.

TildaTurnip · 25/02/2019 14:47

Who is the invitation addressed to? If ‘havingtochanheusernameagain and family’ I’d assume he could (but would double check).

arethereanyleftatall · 25/02/2019 14:48

I don't know my cousins hardly at all. Wouldn't occur to them or me to be invited to each other's wedding. How close are they?

ElspethFlashman · 25/02/2019 14:48

If he's not on the invite he's not invited, regardless of the semantics of whether he's a "kid" or not.

Watch this thread become an argument about what constitutes a kid but it's irrelevant.

People often don't invite cousins. Especially if they have loads of them. I certainly only invited the ones I saw very regularly.

It is the height of bad form to try to get someone invited to a wedding, btw.

BusterTheBulldog · 25/02/2019 14:48

I put my friends 15 and 17 year old on the invite, I fully expected they would not come. They did.

I’d be naming them on the invite if I was inviting them. If they are not, I’d say not invited.

PatchworkElmer · 25/02/2019 14:53

How is it addressed? I’d others are named and DS isn’t, assume he’s not invited. I wouldn’t ask if that was the case either.

SilverySurfer · 25/02/2019 14:53

Why would you ask? If his name is not on the invitation then he has not been invited. Maybe they need to keep numbers down to fit the venue, or the couple have other family/friends who they wish to invite more than your son. I would be surprised anyway if a 16 year old really gave a damn if he went to a wedding or not but suspect it's not him but you who are annoyed at him not being invited.

PBo83 · 25/02/2019 14:54

I don't think a 16 year old would come under a 'no kids' policy BUT if he's not on the invite then, regardless, it's safe to assume he's not invited (and please don't ask, that just makes it awkward for everyone particularly, as others said, that a 16 year old lad isn't likely to be chomping at the bit for an invite anyway).

Fabaunt · 25/02/2019 15:00

Yeah he’s not invited, don’t ask. That’s mortifying.

thecatsthecats · 25/02/2019 15:00

Unless there's a drip feed about older siblings being invited, or special needs, then YABU. He can even stay alone overnight if it's an away do.

Original poster

havingtochangeusernameagain · 25/02/2019 15:01

I had lots of cousins at my wedding. But I am an only child, which is a bit different.

To be fair, I didn't want kids at my wedding but husband insisted partly so that said nephew (and his sister) could attend.

As for "height of bad form", my cousin (who was invited to my wedding along with two kids) not only asked if his daughter (9 at the time) could attend but if she could be my bridesmaid. I was happy for her to be bridesmaid and didn't think it was bad form to ask. I'd been bridesmaid at his older brother's wedding.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 25/02/2019 15:02

As for "height of bad form", my cousin (who was invited to my wedding along with two kids) not only asked if his daughter (9 at the time) could attend but if she could be my bridesmaid

That’s incredibly bad form!

CaseofEllen · 25/02/2019 15:04

That's fine for you OP but your family members might feel differently.

I think to ask if your DS can come, especially when he's old enough to look after himself at home, puts so much unnecessary pressure on your poor family members. Maybe they have to keep numbers down due to cost. Don't put them in that position. They would've named him on the invite if he was invited.

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