What do you wish your parents had taught you as a child?

[NayYay]

There's a few things I wish my parents had taught me as a child. Some of it is really basic stuff but has had a massive impact on my life. I don't want my kids to have to go through the same.

Financial - how to budget, loans, mortgages etc
Oral hygiene- my DM had a phobia of the dentist and as a result I only ever went to the dentist twice as a child. She wouldn't let me go.
How to cook

What did you wish your parents told you about.

Boundaries. I wish I had been helped to instill better boundaries for myself.

I wish there had not been so much academic pressure but also more support. I wish they had let me (encouraged me) to follow things I was interested in rather than what they were interested in.

I wish I had career guidance.

Emotional intelligence. My DM had none & her idea of parenting was feed & water, nothing else. My much more savvy Dad was always travelling for work. If I'd spent more time with him I'd have learnt real life skills ( how to learn from mistakes, not beat myself up for not being perfect, , how not to catastrophise, how not to self sabotage) , not just how to be a seething with resentment Stepford Wife (like my DM).

I don’t think people here seem to be blaming their parents?

However I do see friends of mine who we’re much better equipped for adulthood, far more savvy and confident.

I’d never blame my parents, for what they lacked. My mother especially was an angel and I jus tell her she was great. However I know that they had serious crosses to bear themselves, which resulted in us kids having to learn a lot of life lessons on our own. We didn’t have grandparents or extended family either to pass on wisdom, that can count for a lot.

It just shows how much we can as parents give our own children. There’s so much more than just the feeding and clothing. I think it’s positive. I’m more determined than ever to give my children as much as I can. Even if they can’t see the wisdom yet!

Many responses seem to point to wishing parents had intervened / offered advice more often. When we often as parents feel like we should just let kids be, or teenagers, and not comment on their relationships etc. It makes me think that, without being overbearing, we should pass on advice and boost their confidence as people.

That you can't please all of the people all of the time.

That I should revise. They never once asked me/said I should/showed interest in my work.

That it’s normal and healthy to say I love you to family. Never had that.

Finances. I don’t think they understood themselves, but making me live on £20 a week when the bus fare alone was nearly that to go to college was a bit mad.

@GregoryPeckingDuck that's really interesting actually because it's one thing I've questioned with my own children. I'm not pushy at all and very much of the thinking that childhood should be fun but my ds gives up most hobbies he starts and I do wonder whether we should make him stick to it more. Perhaps long term he'd appreciate if we did.

Reading through this thread reinforces to me that actually I was pretty blessed as a kid and I hope I do as good a job as my parents did

All the wonderful practical experience as stated by many others here however a crucial one I wish I had been taught ; when to say sorry. Convinced this key lesson not encouraged in the family led to a lot of silent treatment, sullen behaviour and general anxiety until everything "feels right" again in relationships.

@frazzledmum I do think it’s partly just down to my personality though. I’ve always been lazy to be quite frank. It hasn’t stopped me from being successful but I do wonder whether I haven’t achieved my potential.

The people who’ve mentioned that they were never taught to swim have made me think of my own experience “learning” to swim
Rather than take me to a proper pool and actually teach me, my dad took us to the little lake on the campsite we were holidaying at, and chucked me off the jetty Yeah, I kicked, coughed, spluttered and didn’t drown, but it was hardly “learning to swim”, more like “learning not to die”

How to budget / get a mortgage / manage finances

How to meet and greet people (I had to learn how to do handshakes and introduce people when I started work)

My parents are brilliant, amazing and lovely people. I had an idyllic childhood, but I do wish they taught me skills in how to be self sufficient. I couldn’t cook or understand how to budget properly when I left home. I certainly had a rude awakening!

What boundaries are
How to play games and have fun and laugh with another person
How to have friends and be a friend in a healthy way

It's odd how many posters say budgeting.

There was a thread recently along the lines of would you tell your children how much you earn and the majority of posters were horrified and said NO. How much they earned wasn't their children's business.

I wish my mum had spoken to me more about men and what not to put up with.
I wish they had taught me confidence and to dream big, they actually did the opposite.

She also never had a conversation with me about periods or sex. The most I got was 'tell me when you need me to get you some sanitary pads'.
My mum also didn't help me with those teenage dilemas like shaving, make up, etc.
I have vowed to not be the same with my own daughter!

I also wish they had taught/spoken to me more about the realities of working life, money etc. I don't remember them paying much interest in my school work or exams, I was never career minded.probably for that reason. I wish I'd had the encouragement to work my hardest towards a more secure future.

Personal grooming.

My parents had/have LOADS of great qualities, but "scrubbing up well' wasn't one of them. Like, my dad had to be reminded to brush his hair and his teeth. Otherwise he just wouldn't!

Clothes were simply practical and "I can't go around the shops naked". Never any style or fashion. Dad was still wearing the exact same outfits in his 60s, that he was wearing in his 20s. Mum is a bit better, but not much.

As a result, I never really learnt about grooming or personal hygiene. I had to learn it all from scratch as an adult, through looking at what other people did. Even now, I have to set a NYE resolution every single year, that I will brush my teeth every day this year... Otherwise, I just... won't.
I've had to set fixed rules about simple stuff like how often I take showers, when I should wash my hands, how often I should wash my clothes. Stuff other people seem to do naturally, I have to have rules and routines around. Because no one ever taught me!

Independence in general.

I was really "under the thumb" and didn't do anything on my own. I dutifully followed my parents and elder brother around doing what they wanted to do. Any suggestion of doing my own thing was frowned upon. As I got older and tried to breakaway, even for small things like going into town with friends, or buying my own clothes, it led to massive rows, so I just gave up to avoid the confrontation. Shame really because it really ruined my relationships with the family as I "escaped" as soon as I could and only ever did the bare minimum afterwards. By trying to keep me close, they actually pushed me away!

I never really learnt about grooming or personal hygiene

Same here. I remember going to school in dirty clothes. I smelled. But parents didn't seem to notice nor care - they were the same, so it was just normal. One bath every Sunday. Can't recall any importance attached to brushing teeth nor a morning wash.

It was at my first job, when the senior partner called me in and basically told me to sort myself out - at the time I was mortified, but at least he told me in a very dignified way, no silly hints - he just said it as it was, but also told me how to sort it out - no ranting or raving, just cool and calm in a "fatherly" kind of way. I followed his advice and never had any problem ever since. I just wish my own parents had done the same a few years earlier!

The only thing I wish my mum had taught me was that looks and how you present yourself don’t matter.
She and my dad were very funny about clothes, I wasn’t allowed to develop my own style, I wore jeans and “nice tops”
I like bright colours and bold statements and vintage dresses but because I always had to consider “what would everyone think” I’ve never been able to develop my style for myself.

To wait.
My mum was always a little too relaxed about sex. It was almost like your value as a woman was in men noticing / wanting you. Relationships that weren’t healthy were tolerated or even encouraged, and I got in a real mess. I wish I had had a strong message that it’s ok to say no to a guy.

I wish my mum had taught me how to apply make up and how to dress well (as in, how to put outfits together and accessorise). I am still learning those things now in my 40s and don't feel confident that I'm doing it right.

I was a little bit overweight as a child and it was only when I got to my 30s that I finally started regular exercise and dieting. I wish my parents had helped me manage my weight better when I was a kid instead of piling up huge portions of lasagne on my plate and having a fridge full of fatty snacks.

Finances - money management, importantance of good credit, savings, how mortgages and loans work etc.

That not everyone is nice and it’s okay to say ‘no’.

Anything to do with sex and bodily functions - my mum was ridiculously private and I had to teach myself about periods and buy my own first packet of pads as she just wouldn’t talk about things.

But mainly I wish I’d had a bit more freedom, I was always expected to take care of my younger siblings one of which was heavily disabled I never had a proper childhood and at night when we got to our teen years they would lock all the internal doors downstairs so we could go to the bathroom or back but that’s it. If we were thirsty or hungry or needed painkillers we’d have to wait until morning, not allowed locks on our doors, would just walk in without knocking, wasn’t allowed out past 9pm even at 17. Just so controlling.

There’s a reason I walked out with a overnight bag and £10 to my name just past my 17th birthday, we’re very LC now.

Also hygiene and clothes, at one point I had one pair of trousers and a few pairs of old knickers and had to practically get on my knees and beg for a can of deodorant.

I’m a very different parent.

Life admin. I had no idea just how many forms and bits of paper adult life required! Things like car tax and credit card bills.
Whole load of stuff that took me by surprise as I left home. I've mentioned a few things to my mum over time and had the reply "Really? I thought it was obvious what to do."
Not to me it wasn't.
I don't want to over cosset my children but I want them to know how to live when they're old enough to be independent.

Its interesting how many talk about being able to do practical life skills. I have read so many parents on here justifying doing everything for their teenage or even older kids by saying that there is plenty of time to learn that when they leave home.
One thing my parents got right was giving me weekly pocket money from a very young age, and teaching me I had to save up for toys, etc I wanted. I have always been very good with money as an adult.

That I was enough just by being myself & that what I had to say was of merit in itself. I grew up not feeling good enough & it’s affected my entire life. I still don’t and I’m 43.