What do you wish your parents had taught you as a child?

[NayYay]

There's a few things I wish my parents had taught me as a child. Some of it is really basic stuff but has had a massive impact on my life. I don't want my kids to have to go through the same.

Financial - how to budget, loans, mortgages etc
Oral hygiene- my DM had a phobia of the dentist and as a result I only ever went to the dentist twice as a child. She wouldn't let me go.
How to cook

What did you wish your parents told you about.

How to cook, use the washing machine, iron, properly clean etc.

My parents were lovely but they made freezer meals and i honestly wasn't allowed anywhere near an oven. It upset me so much that my mates would be laughing about how pathetic people who couldn't even cook were when i hadn't even opened tins myself.

Didn't get shown lights, darks etc for washing. Never used an iron. Only hoovered not the rest.

I wanted to but they just didn't let me and so when i moved away aged 18 i was so fucked. Like no clue. I had to ask my neighbour to help with the communal washing machine, sit watching videos on how to even do pasta and read guides on cleaning. It was a shit first year away from home

I think my mother tried her best. There are definitely things I wished I’d known sooner but she wouldn’t necessarily have known those herself. She lived/lives in a different world to me now. My children had huge advantages because of wider exposure to more varied social settings. They are confident in most settings because they’ve experienced them growing up. That doesn’t mean my mother failed me in any way. It means she taught me the things she thought essential for her life but I chose another way.

How to learn! I too relied on natural ability and went to one of those 'progressive' open plan schools where basically you just did what you wanted. I wrote stories and drew pictures for most of my time at junior school and had no idea how to learn in a classroom setting at age 11. Still don't really know now 😖

I wish my mother:
Had made me take better care of my teeth
Hasn’t told me all men are scum (my dad left her when I was a baby)
Had let my dad pay for swimming lessons- my older sibling went to 1 or 2 and then my mum withdrew her “because they wanted children to put their faces in the water”
Encouraged me to make friends instead of telling me we didn’t need anyone else. I was so lonely as a child
Looked after my hair instead of cutting it as short as a boy even though I’d beg her not to and cared more how I dressed Pictures of me when I was a kid make me at best cringe with embarrassment and at worst feel sad and ashamed.

I wish they had taught me not to be so "good" and to question things more. And to listen to my gut instinct.

And to budget and deal with finances.

To be fair though they taught me loads of great things and the above are things that they don't really do themselves.

Lots of responses including finances.

I think we learn that from example and experience. The only thing I'd liked to have been taught is that it's okay to tell people to fuck off. Hard to tell a child that though.

How to make polite small talk and work a room. I’ve learnt to do both as an adult by observing other people. Essential for networking

Oh yes agree to the dentist thing.

Also that it's OK to sometimes step out of your comfort zone and does not have to be a scary traumatising experience to do so. My mum was always being forced to do things she didn't want to so she had a big thing about never ever making us (thankfully we were very compliant children :o)

And that men are human and exist on a vast spectrum from dickhead to decent, they don't all exist in the dickhead part...

I don't blame her for any of this as it came from a place of kindness and nobody is perfect. She did a lot of things right.

Budgeting
Physical activity for its own sake not just to win races etc because I never did and so stopped.
Pushed me more at school passed exams but could have done so much better

Think those are probably my mistakes as much as not being taught by parents though.

Walk in heels and apply make up ....
I know it sounds crap but I have 2 other sisters and none of can walk in heels we all where trainers or flats and I will love to look elegant,, sexy and fantastic...and none of us can apply makeup without looking clownish

Confidence and boundaries.

That saying "no" or refusing to do something is not rude, it's a sign of strength.

Excellent thread.
That there is such a thing as 'gut feeling', and that an emotional response is worth paying attention to, whatever it tells you. I was taught to 'rise above' all the time, a kind of toxic laid-backness, a chronic avoidance of 'losing face'.

That real friendships make you feel good, and that real friends have your best interests at heart (and similarly boyfriends). I wish they hadn't been so nice about friends of mine who were a bit shitty; they could have taught me valuable boundary setting by not encouraging me to turn the other cheek, but to walk away and not be so generous with second chances. If my DC's friends aren't kind, I make sure DC know they don't have to stand for it and that it is OK for them to think their friend can just do one.

To believe in myself.

That most parents actually love their children!

That I am not “hopeless helpless and useless,” as they shouted at me on a regular basis.
That I deserve medical help when ill, not to be shouted at for waking them with my coughing at night (aged 4, with a chest infection).
That I am entitled to exist.
That I am not an inconvenience, and some people might even want my company.
That although nothing I ever did was good enough for them, I would eventually be good enough to qualify as a doctor.
That my chronically low self esteem and lack of confidence were actually the fault of their shit parenting and total lack of affection, not character flaws of my making.
Hell, forget teaching anything - I would have settled for an occasional hug.

How to have friends. They told me I didn't need friends, as they didn't have any and were fine.

To manage emotions of being upset and not just suppress them and pretend they did not exist.

But I also understand how their own childhoods had led to this.

To consider working towards a career that would work around having children. My DSIS was a hairdresser and now owns a barbers, she's never been out of work and worked with the little ones at home.

That I was of value and had worth.

The importance of a good credit rating, living within your means and understanding that when you get the thing you want (material items) you'll always want the next thing and the next thing as that grows older. It's not worth it.

My mother was a mass consumerist who racked up a lot of (manageable) debt. I emulated her on a low income. I'm still digging myself out of the hole pre-credit crunch but low income18 year old me dug myself into.

To respect your family. I grew up thinking it was normal to let off both barrels at home, even though you wouldn’t at work or with friends. It’s caused a lot of damage to me and the people around me, and taken me a long time to learn any different.
I’m still not sure how to have a healthy relationship, but I’m trying my best to teach my children. It’s hard.

Actually looking back my parents did a pretty good job overall.

However, I was quite bright and I wasn't pushed enough. I would just get through things and most things I found easy. What I couldn't deal with for a long time were things that didn't come easily to me - I literally had no idea where to start and when I got stuck how to keep going... And had no idea that to start you just had to start and then just keep going and work with others. I know it now. Wish I knew it earlier as there were lots of things I gave up on with barely or no trying.

How to swim - I didn’t learn until I had lessons in school age 10. I was one of 3 kids who had to potter in the shallow end while all my mates were zipping up and down the pool.

How to do a variety of sports - I envied kids who had parents that took them down the park and played rounders/cricket/etc. My DM just kept saying I was unsporty just like her. No, I just never had the opportunity to do more sports, could never join a team after school, never did karate or anything else I’d probably have enjoyed.

Finally, I wish they’d taught me card games. I went to uni not knowing a single game (apart from snap 😂). Attempts to learn as an adult haven’t been very successful.

To respect myself and that giving sex was not how you got a boyfriend. My parents were rubbish about the sex chat and although my mum told me the basics our dialogue was stilted and awkward. I learnt that sex was for making babies and that was the end of the conversation. We never spoke about boys and relationships. So I formed my own beliefs based on my hormonal urges. I lost my virginity to a stranger in a field and spent my early twenties going through a string of fwb trying to get a boyfriend. Now married (real friend who I slept with but it worked out) and having learnt about self respect from MN, if anything ever happened to DH and I for any reason and I was single again then I know for sure that I would do things very differently.