To shudder at the thought of having another baby?

[AllesAusLiebe]

Just wondering whether anyone else felt the same and did you overcome these feelings?

DS is 4.5 months and is and has always been incredibly difficult. He initially had colic and digestive problems, improved for around 2 weeks, but now we’ve got a whole litany of issues with him. Hates being held unless I walk around the room in circles, hates the car, hates the pram, hates the groups I take him to, won’t sit still for longer than 3 minutes, complains, whines and screams for at least 70% of the day when he’s awake.

I’m completely at my limit and am actually looking forward to getting back to work because I find him so tough to deal with during the day. It’s horrible to admit this, but I often look at friends’ babies and think, “why can’t you be more like them....?!”.

DH and I always said we’d like 2 kids, but the experience with this one has been so scarring that I absolutely cannot contemplate it.

Did anyone else who had a demanding 1st child go on to have another ‘easier’ baby? How did you get yourself to the point whereby having a second seemed like a reasonable thing to do?

You're allowed to change your mind you know. Give yourself time to decide but 2 is not obligatory.

If you have another, they'll be completely different, all babies are. Maybe difficult in a different way, easier in others. I had difficult first DC, she never slept, tantrum queen, constant battle of wills until she was about 5/6 yrs really. Still likes her own way and is a very contrary 10yr old but is mostly easy compared to her younger years. Ds, the second baby was a dream sleeper but was very clingy, fussy eater with a serious food allergy, asthmatic. So difficult health-wise rather than dds sleep and behavioural issues. Parenthood is just one big challenge whether you've got one or five, I think having one is hard as you focus so many of your concerns and worries on them only.

As I said up thread I have ; DC, but one and done? Absolutely nothing wrong with that!!!

Have u tried a cranial osteopath? They can really help with so much and might change your baby completely? Also look into gut health probiotics for both of u!
Don’t give up! When it seems like u can’t go on, Hope is just round the corner. Xx

Doesn't sound goady at all @meow1989. You do what's right for you and you're enjoying your life and doing things that feel right. I'd love another one not yet though as baby is only months old but in couple years time and I don't partner is too keen. Only time will tell.

Our eldest didn't sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time until she started walking and was physically tiring herself out. I was like a walking zombie by the time she was 1. It was relentless and I'm still really shocked that we went on to have more.

I'll never forget my mum having her overnight for the first time when she was around a year and she was on the phone at 9am the next morning begging for mercy .

Our other 2 were an absolute breeze in comparison!

She's still the one that gives me sleepless nights btw even though she's now an adult with her own DC.

We had one of these - decided we wanted number two so just went for it early on because we wanted it over and done with. Had another fussy one and an very busy few years.

They're 17 & 18 now and really quite nice

It's taken 4.5 years for me to want to start trying for baby number two.

It's a massive life adjustment.

It's still so early and I thought the exact same, baby stage was hell on earth but eventually diagnosed with CMPI and soya intolerance + reflux. Ensure these are checked also bit it does get so much better, mines 17m now and much much easier and actually makes us smile with some of his antics xx

I have such mixed feelings but DD literally couldn't be put down without full on screaming for the first 3 months, cluster fed every evening for a similar length of time leaving me stuck on the sofa.

I want a second one but the thought of having to leave a baby to scream for prolonged periods while I attend to DD or having to neglect DD for months on end to meet the needs of the baby stresses me out just thinking about it.

First baby was shit. Reflux, screaming, clingy etc. Once more mobile they were much happier and turned into an awesome toddler! No tantrums, polite, kind and wonderful. Took me 4 years to decide to have another due to the first being bloody awful as a baby.
Second baby is 6 months, and a fucking dream! I fully expect shit toddler years this time around.

Time. My daughter was very similar and I remember crying when she was weeks old because I said to my partner “I’m sad because I now know that I will NEVER have another child. I cannot ever go through this again”. Roll on 4 years (yes, it did take that long) and we are trying for baby number 2 and I’m actually quite excited about it. It took a long, long time to forgot those awful first few months but you do get there .

I could have happily gone back to work until DS was 6 months old and started my maternity leave then. I really found the first few months tough. He was around 4 before I could face another, but unfortunately we left it too late and it never happened for us.

Having one has it's challenges, but tbh, I quite enjoy our family of three and feel our family is complete. Financially it's been much easier in lots of ways and now DS is older I quite enjoy not having to worry about a younger one.

Hi OP. My dd was a reflux and colic baby. She also was a non-sleeper who at one point would be awake every. Forty. Five. Minutes. I genuinely thought I was going to die. I thought it was the end of me. I had PND due to all of the above and no support at all. But my dd is now 19 months, she's such an amazing character, I don't feel like I did and I love her so much. When we have a good day I think oh I would like another one but I have to shake myself and remind myself how it was before to banish the thought. Damn body trying to trick me !

Not unreasonable at all. I shudder at the thought of having a first

Yes I did. My two are totally different. My eldest had reflux, severe eczema and a dairy allergy. He cried a lot and fed two hourly for months and rarely napped. As a toddler he didn’t stop, was on the go constantly and developmentally ahead so was mobile early, it was exhausting. He’s still quite intense now!

My youngest is the opposite. Calm, could always be put down as a baby, just so different.

I’m glad it worked out that way round, if I’d had my first, second, I would have had a shock. You’re only 4 months in OP, give it time, they change as they grow and start to (hopefully) sleep more. No rush. I got to the stage where I just wanted another baby, so we did. Wouldn’t want anymore though, I am done.

You literally just had him - give yourself time!

My first experience of having a child was very challenging although I didn't feel quite as strongly as you. She was a tough baby.
When she was 18 months old I got the urge. I remembered how hard it was but the urge was stronger than the worry.
Fast forward to now and my 6 month old baby is the most chilled out baby. Ridiculously easy. But of course it might not have gone that way.
My difficult baby got way easier around 6 months. Give yourself time X

My older sister was an extremely difficult baby (toddler, teen, adult etc.) I was the opposite. Easy baby who loved to sleep from day one. I'm honestly not sure why my Mom risked it though after her. 😂

Nothing wrong with feeling how you feel at all. I felt exactly the same when my eldest was that age. He really was the refluxy baby from hell.

We changed our mind when he was about a year old. He got a lot easier and we thought we would give it a go. Our thinking was that another baby couldn't have been any worse than our first and at least we knew how to deal with it all again.

As it was, our youngest was a much easier baby in comparison, but frankly anything would have been! The baby days are hard, but they don't last forever. You don't need to decide just yet. See how you feel in the future.

Nobody really feels like having another when they've got a 4.5 month baby, you're still very much in the thick of it. You do start to forget how hard it all was though, unfortunately, then you stupidly go for another

Yeah to be fair I don't think many first time mums of 4 month olds will want another one

You won’t like my post.

My first DS was really hard in some ways, easy in others. Didn’t cry much, barely slept. Very fussy eater but ate what he liked well. Absolutely easy and lovely with family who knew him well. Tricky with strangers. Diagnosed with High Functioning Autism at 5. He’s utterly gorgeous both physically and his personality. Everyone loves him and his teachers think he’s lovely despite his issues in class.

This was my timeline:

0-6 months - typical baby, quite calm but ok.

6-12 months - exhaustion and trouble weaning. Found a real challenge.

12-18 months - back to work. Baby became quite difficult to manage and very full on.

18 - 36 months - utter hell. Constant colds, not settling at nursery, potty training issues, food sensory issues, autistic traits becoming apparent.

36 - 48 months - random improvement and truly lovely nature showing - put difficulties down to not being able to communicate well earlier on.

So then we decided to have no 2.

No 2 is 1 Year now and we realise DS1 was easy. DS2 is like a whirlwind. Difficult from day 1. Adore him but Christ it’s been hard.

No idea what he’ll be like in a few years but he is hard work now. I don’t regret having him but if I knew how hard he’d be I might have chosen differently.

My first baby was bloody hard work- sounds exactly like your little one, had colic, reflux and undiagnosed for months cows milk allergy, screamed from the first few hours of been born for almost 7 months constant. He would scream blue murder all day, had to be held all the time, screamed in car, hated baby groups, screamed when feeding, screamed when not feeding, you name it he would scream through it. I was at my wits end, I had my mum round my house every day while my partner was at work, I remember crying begging her to make him stop crying. I was finally taken serious by a doctor and after new meds, milk etc he was a different baby. I swore tho I would never go back to the baby stage...... until he turned 3 and was the sweetest child in the world and the days of screaming were a distant memory. I did end up having a second child a little over a year ago and my god the difference, no colic, no reflux, no screaming, completely content child. I remember the early days of second child on pins waiting for the screaming to start but it never did. You may feel different in a few years x

Me and my DP said no more after our first purely because it was a difficult pregnancy and our DD was prem and was very poorly.

Now our DD is nearly 9yrs old and I'm starting to want another one. I'm not so sure about it as I'm not sure my DP would want another one now and I'm worried about the age gap. I am nearly 33 and my DM thinks I am too old for another one so that's kind of off putting.

DD is nearly 5 months. I love her, we have some lovely times, but she's hard work. She was colicky for weeks, she's just coming out of 6 weeks of awful sleep (I mean waking up every 30 minutes), she will not be left alone for more than 5 mins and we had a pretty shit time BFing.

I went to visit a friend who has a completely placid baby. She's able to do some work on the side because he's so easy. He happily lies there in his Moses basket or on his play mat for hours.

This made me feel shit. But recently DD has got a bit better. She's still needy, still needs near constant entertainment, but she's more fun. Her personality is coming out.

Can I imagine having another baby right now? Fuck no. Currently an only child is really appealing. Don't put pressure on yourself and definitely don't let other people make you think too much about the future. Take it day by day and remember everything is a phase (even if it doesn't feel like it)