50/50 custody

[Mami16]

Any advice on family court 50/50 custody ond two year old and newborn? I don’t mind contact but over night stays I’m worried about when he wasn’t a hand on dad to DS.

I actually fought for ex to see more of DD than he was proposing in court. 70/30 to me as opposed to the 90/10 he was suggesting because she loves him he was always hands on and had previously been a SAHD.

It was granted and has worked out very well and because it’s more than he had wanted (due to his job and relationship) he’s always happy for me to keep her on some of his days if she has parties or matches on those days.

I would have fought tooth and bam against 50/50 though as in our case it wouldn’t have been in her best interest.

Fight it.

ExH took me to court

good luck at court OP.
Try to keep your cool

Thanks all. I am dreading it and have a feeling I'm going to need all the luck!

Please keep us posted I'm intrigued of outcome as I'm going through similar- good luck!! X

Be aware that many dads are pushing for 50/50 so that they don't have to pay you ANY child maintenance.

Given the age of the DCs I would say you have good grounds to go for a split in your favour.

Are you breast feeding OP?

How was court today? Please update. Do hope
Everything went ok and you weren't bullied x

Hi well I was dreading it!

I had a good barrister, ex was interrupting his barrister a few times and was told that if he carries on it won't look good. There was some problem with Cafcass today so they weren't there. We are back in 4 weeks to see Cafcass where they will speak to us separately.

There was no mention of the domestic violence allegation ex has made up about me.

He's going for 50/50 and will not budge or reason at all.

I've showed that I'm willing for contact but concerned for overnights due to their young age and he's never been there. We have agreed and had a temporary court order that he spends time with our 2 year old twice a week 6-7.30 and EOW until this is sorted.
For our baby contact will take place in a contact centre, up to him to sort it.

He lied a few times and it's hard having to listen to him making you to be a monster and a liar but I hope they see through his bullying ways and the fact he's forced us out of the family home, moved back in himself and changed the locks, great dad thinking of his children!

OMG you're literally mimicking my own story!
So did cafcass call you before your court hearing? Apparently it's common that they don't send their report to courts on time

Never knew there were so many like my ex about until I joined on here. It's so sad! Will do anything to protect my babies and make sure that they won't be distressed in any way but think I'm in for a big fight with him.

My solicitor said it was strange that cafcass hadn't phoned me before today but I think from what my barrister said today they will phone me before our next meeting and then we meet them in court and have an hour each.

How old is your DC? Does he want 50/50?

All my ex is concerned about is keeping the house and getting one up on me!

I really hope they see through him.

I wonder if he wants 50/50 so he doesn't have to pay maintenance to you?
I'm praying cafcass call me, I've seen my ex court order and his allegations are disgusting lies where as I'm 10"% honest.
My DC is 9 months so much older than your baby. I introduced two full days a week since he left in September but still wants more, I accept one day yes but I'm like you I believe they're too young and they need their mums for the most of the duration- it's sad to say that maybe but I honestly believe young children need mothers as the primary carer.

Yeah he probably does want to try and avoid paying me. Doesn't really bother me about maintenance though because I've always been the one to provide and buy the things they need.

It's heartbreaking that they are doing this to get back at us and not actually thinking of the damage they will do to the little ones. My two year old still wakes up in the nights and will only settle with me (ex used to go mad at that but it was because he refused to get up when DS was very small and they catch on very quickly who's there to feed/comfort them)

I really hope that they realise that it's not in the best interest of the children to be away from the primary caregiver for so long and over night so young. I hope it won't happen until they understand that they are going to sleep there for a night or two and then come back to us.

My ex never ever hear DC cry during the night, even with monitor next to him. I did day and night feeds full stop - he did 2 night shifts and then gave up in the early hours as he doesn't have boobs!

I hope for your little one the ex doesn't get anymore. Please let me know how you get on.

When are you in court?

I have 4 weeks now to wait till the next hearing. No overnights so far.

I'm 4 weeks too. I've got him to agree to contact centre in the meantime as he hasn't seen baby in 7 weeks and I feel that's not fair on her.
He took her overnight without my permission hence why I'm holding onto baby now! seriously why do men do this? Destroy us emotionally then try and take the kids too. I think this father's for justice doesn't help at all! he talks like I never allowed him
Access!

I stopped contact for two months because he threatened not to bring him back twice, his behaviour and shouting and swearing in front of DS, not keeping to his times he demanded, he couldn't cope with the long days and brought DS back early to me (was also a way for ex to make sure I was home because I didn't know what time I'd have him back)

Of course he's denied all this and has made me to look like the bad one.

They've done a temp order where DS sees him Tuesday night 6-730 and then same Friday then every other sat and sun 9-7. DD will be in a contact centre on Saturdays whenever ex goes ahead and books it.

They will always want more just to control and emotionally destroy us!

I stopped contact for 4 months then ExH took me to court.

He wanted 50/50 but in court stated that he would only take her to appointments in his time if I wasn't there (my DD has diagnosed SN) and the courts said that I had a right to be there and he couldn't stop me.

He didn't have overnights at all until January, and she's only just had the first overnight.

He has her Thursday 2-5pm, and then every other Saturday 10am - Sunday 4pm. He didn't put up a fight when I offered this despite originally wanting her full time and then dropping to 50/50.

Youwinagain how old is DD?

She's 3, almost 4

Mami16 I'm so pleased that you got a reasonable contact agreed for now. It will be telling if your Ex actually bothers to set up the contact centre. If he doesn't it will reflect badly on him in court next time.

Mami16 how's contact going is it all ok so far?

So far so good. My mother does handovers so don't have to see him and he's been told not to contact me so it's easier in a way.

I am dreading the overnight stays because he's up in the middle of the night screaming for me and I know he won't settle with him.

Waiting for cafcass to phone me now then back to court next month.

Isn't life so much better when we don't need to see them? It's crap for me because my ex is always using social media to talk rubbish about me.
When does overnight start, is there an order in place for overnights yet?
When Are cafcass due to call you? Mines 28th, apparently it'll be a quick call, like a check list they go through x

Yeah much easier! You need to take screenshots of the social media, so wrong of him!

No overnights until it's sorted in court. When we all lived together ex would be gone for work before DS was up in the morning and be in bed before he got home so it's only me he's used to and the fact that I've done everything DS won't settle with him.

Not had a date with Cafcass just a letter to say that I will be having a 30 minute telephone interview soon, dreading it!