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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ex refusing to sell

60 replies

Mami16 · 24/02/2019 11:09

I need some advice, been through hell with my ex last year while I was pregnant. He was emotionally abusive and would scream in my face and swear in front of DS which is only 2. He demanded that the house would be put up for sale so I agreed and we had a buyer, I moved out and back to parents because we sold the house and were only waiting to sign on completion. I then had a beautiful DD and ex was all sorry and wanted to try again. I said no could never go back and put children through that. Ex has now pulled out of the sale, moved back into the house and is refusing to sell. I’m stuck in my parents with two little ones and no room here. Any advice?

OP posts:
dinkydolphin · 24/02/2019 11:15

He does have the right to back out of the house. I would have him removed from the property and move back in with you & your children.

Snuffalo · 24/02/2019 11:16

Were you married? What names are on the mortgage?

Original poster
Mami16 · 24/02/2019 11:18

Not married, joint mortgage. Yes I get he’s allowed to change his mind but he’s done it out of spite, he was the one that went to solicitors and demanded it went for sale, I agreed and moved while I was 8 months pregnant, wasn’t safe for us to stay there because of his temper. Oh and he’s now changed the locks too 😡

OP posts:
rumptifizzer · 24/02/2019 11:21

Start divorce proceedings and there'll be a court order relating to finances. Apply for child support in the meantime.

everydaymum · 24/02/2019 11:21

You need legal advice and official separation of assets. If he can't 'pay you out' he'll have to sell.

Original poster
Mami16 · 24/02/2019 11:25

Anyone got advice or experience of forcing sale of a house? He is refusing to sell and told me I will have to take him to court. He will do everything to delay the sale. So stressful when you got a toddler and newborn and crammed in my parents (although I’m very grateful) it’s just so unfair that he is living and enjoying in a 3 bed house and doing this to us!

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 24/02/2019 11:25

You need legal advice. He'll have to buy you out.

Original poster
Mami16 · 24/02/2019 11:27

I’ve been to see a solicitor and they said it’s not very straightforward as there’s children involved and we weren’t married. He is also going for 50/50 custody so he can say that he’s got a stable home and needs the house for the children

OP posts:
Original poster
Mami16 · 24/02/2019 11:29

Oh and the cost of taking him to court to make him sell is shocking! Money imI don’t have and he knows that!

OP posts:
MrsWillGardner · 24/02/2019 11:29

@rumptifizzer. They aren’t married.

Op, get legal advice ASAP. You are entitled to half the house.

kaytee87 · 24/02/2019 11:29

So what actual advice did the solicitor give you?

Hellohappy · 24/02/2019 11:33

It’s a shame you moved out. I was in a similar position and stayed put although it was horrendous. It did end up in court too costing me thousands. The house did sell eventually but if i had moved out I think exh would still be in the house 5 years later. It is complicated so you will have to take legal advice.

Original poster
Mami16 · 24/02/2019 11:35

Was basically told that child contact would have to be sorted in court before any application/decision would be made about the house. Solicitor told me that if I went to court to force him to sell it would cost thousands (which would have to be paid upfront and not out of the profit) and it will take around 7 months and that’s if he was co-operative. It’s so unfair the way he’s gone about this, he bullied me out of the house, tried for a long time and by the end I couldn’t take it anymore and had to have someone with me for my own safety when he would pick and drop DS off. Solicitor said even though it’s been awful for me there wasn’t any serious physical violence to get him out.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 24/02/2019 11:38

What equity do you have in the house?

Hellohappy · 24/02/2019 11:38

Has he offered to buy you out?

Original poster
Mami16 · 24/02/2019 11:40

Hellohappy: Yes it was a shame and I regret it now but it got to the point I no longer felt safe there and I was 8 months pregnant and because he demanded to sell and go through solicitor I didn’t think he would pull out but after our DD was born he begged us back but I refused and now I’m in this situation.

Hellohappy- can you give me advice on the court proceedings on the sale of the house? How long did it take? We agreed to sell and both find somewhere else. He’s now changed the locks and my solicitor has written to him to say he has no right and that he has to give me a set of keys but still not had them

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Original poster
Mami16 · 24/02/2019 11:42

He told me when we were trying to discuss child maintenance that he was now part time and will be going self employed soon so he can’t buy me out but he lies so much he will make me take this to court and then if he can offer to buy me out just to waste my money on court fees! There’s about £50000 equity

OP posts:
Poppyfr33 · 24/02/2019 11:46

Could you visit your local council about housing, as you left the marital home due to abusive behaviour. Can’t think of anything else to help your situation.

Original poster
Mami16 · 24/02/2019 11:50

I’m meeting with domestic abuse team tomorrow to see about housing as I’m now classed as ‘homeless’ in their view which is wrong because I have a house and I know there’s so many real homeless people out there. Although I’m very grateful to them for the help I’m receiving I still feel it’s wrong that I was basically forced out of our home but no serious physical violence occurred then there’s nothing the solicitor can do to get him out

OP posts:
meorhim20 · 24/02/2019 11:51

take him up on the 50/50 offer of child custody. I have seen this bluff plenty of times. If he is serous, take it as a win - you can return to work at least part time without having to worry about childcare (ideally find a job during ex's 50% contact time and rebuild your life.

danceyourselfsilly · 24/02/2019 11:53

Sorry you are going through this it is horrible with young DCs
My advice would be:
A) Get solicitor to write him a letter - they advised me in a similar position that this is often all it takes. We were not married either and had 1 DC and I didn’t even have a joint mortgage.
B) Keep conversation between you and him open as much as you can - there are always 2 sides to everything - remember to remind him however he treats you will reflect on your children and their relationship with him.

The above worked for me
Good luck

Original poster
Mami16 · 24/02/2019 11:54

I have a job, I’m on maternity leave. I just don’t have the thousands of pound to take him to court to make him sell the house!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mami16 · 24/02/2019 11:59

Thanks danceyourselfsilly. You’d think that he should know that how bad he’s treating me here is affecting the two little ones. He’s punishing me now because I won’t go back to him for him to control us. I don’t think a letter from my solicitor to him will do any different, he wants me to spend and waste money and basically lose everything!

OP posts:
PtahNeith · 24/02/2019 11:59

It does not matter that he wasn't violent (yet) - coercive control is a crime. And a crime for a reason. A decent solicitor would know that and not be fixating on violence.

Coercive control destroys lives, and as a result it's a crime that carries a prison sentence. Maybe you should find a solicitor that actually understands domestic abuse properly.

Have you contacted Rights of Women for advice?

Has anybody assessed your risk level from him? Because you're more at risk of violence (even if he's never been violent before) in the year after leaving/him realising you're not coming back this time.

Also: www.freedomprogramme.co.uk - it will help you recover and deal with him for what he is.

Abuse is about power and control. Everything you're describing of him right now is about control - it's a continuation of his previous abuse and it is incredibly important that both you and the professionals working with you understand that.

Hellohappy · 24/02/2019 12:00

When I went to court we both wanted to keep the House and I could afford the mortgage but because there was enough equity to be split we could both move on. The court ordered the sale of the house.

I also had two small children. People said, you can stay in the house till the dc are 18. Not true!