That thus just wouldn't be fair? (Wedding related)

[GirlOnIt]

Ok so I'm thinking way in advance only just looking into weddings etc and it will be October/November next year at the earliest.

But there's a venue that I've always said I'd love to marry at and when I've imagined getting married it's been there. We're going to look next weekend so could be we could sort something out or that I'm not even as keen when we do go.

But looking at the online quote and information. We could do and afford a weekend in November (I originally wanted September/October but that's more). The minimum day guests we can have is 50 but the price includes weekend stay for 30 guests and obviously ourselves. But that would mean 20 guests wouldn't be able to stay and there's over things they put on that just the guests staying can attend.

I don't know how we'd decide the 30 to stay and the 20 not to and we plan up invite some just to the wedding reception but I think it feels like too many tiers of who we think is worth coming and staying, coming to the wedding and not staying and only being invited to the evening do.

It's around 2 1/2 hours from where we live and the majority of family and friends. Although I've friends nearer too.

Dp says it doesn't matter we book what we want and if people don't want to come that's up to them. He's only bothered that his mum, dad, brother, best man and his partner stay. And the rest I can choose. I guess if it's immediate family and wedding party bridesmaids etc staying that's probably ok.
Do people expect to pay to stay over somewhere if they go to weddings? We're going to one this year and the couple asked if we wanted to book a room at the hotel as they had to fill the rooms, but we've paid for it not them and we didn't mind at all. But I do know they struggled to get all the rooms booked so presumably a lot of guests did mind.

Yes, we're going to scrap evening only guests and have more to the whims wedding.
I just really like the look of the place and the area has some sentimental memories.

The problem is that because you are having your wedding so far from home, you are incurring massive costs either for you or for your friends/family because of hotel stays.

I know that's a bit of a issue @HollowTalk that's why I'm asking. But then out friend are getting married about 40 mins way but a taxi would be around £40 so £80 there and back and I didn't fancy getting the bus there in my best clothes. We've decided to stay over and it's more than £150 for a room for a night and that's what I'd consider a local venue, anywhere I quite like near by is around that distance. The whole venue is costing a lot more than the one I'm looking at and it's lovely but not the kind of place I want.

OP it sounds like you've got most the rooms sorted anyway. Give DP option of a couple of rooms for his best mates and if a few go unused it'll cover anything cropping up last minute.
If you've budgeted for exclusive use then you're paying it anyway.

I absolutely love it!!
Took us two hours to get there today, is that going to be too long to expect people to travel?

And we can invite guests to the night before bbq and just pay the extra. So if we know guests are making a weekend of it we can ask if they'd like to come or not.

No that’s not too far at all!

If you love it book it, 2 hours isn't that long. Invite only who you really want to be there and don't go out of your way trying to please everyone because you never will.

I loved a few venues in Northumberland that were the same kind of thing, you booked the entire place for a set amount. I worried too much about a few elderly relatives having to travel too far (under 2 hours) and so went with a more local venue, they still complained!

Get all 50 guests to pay for overnight stay and put the money elsewhere.

Its in Northumberland @Sofialemon.

@GirlOnIt

If it's Woodhill, Ellingham, or Eshott Hall I would def book it. Woodhill and Ellingham were the two I considered when we were looking.

We stayed at Eshott Hall recently and it's beautiful, I'd have loved to get married there. A friend got married at Ellingham and their wedding looked amazing.

Newton Hall and Le Petite Chateau also look like great venues. I'd love to stay over at a wedding at any of those or anywhere similar.

Yes @Sofialemon it's one of the first three! I love it, definitely going to book for next autumn time.

All of those three are beautiful, and all have other hotels & B&B's fairly close by.

Probably a bit identifying seen as people in real life know but it's Woodhill @Sofialemon. I just love it and it feels like the right place for us.

I thought it might be with you mentioning the bbq, my husband loved the bbq hut.

Dp too @Sofialemon must be a man thing.

We hired a place that gave 3 nights accommodation for £60pp and we paid for our wedding party and parents to stay. The rest were offered to guests, we paid for any empties. We got a range of responses:

"Don't be silly, of course we'll pay." (Bridesmaids - turned down)
"Aren't you paying for Nanny and Grandad too?" (Um, no, MIL)
"Bloody bargain! And a free bar? This'll be awesome."
A girl who booked then cancelled because she decided she couldn't afford the £60. Annoying, but fine.
A few as yet unpaid rooms (they had to pay through us).

You really are overthinking this. Just pay for immediate family and the wedding party, and offer the rooms up to who wants them. Though I'd say you can't guarantee the room unless they pay up front ;)

The fretting over long distance weddings and guest "tiers" is mostly a mumsnet thing. My friends are scattered to the four winds and I don't think I've been to a wedding where at least half the guests hadn't travelled over 90m.

I know I think I just need to relax about it @thecatsthecats. We've got a good idea now we've seen it about who we'll offer rooms to and if there's some left I'll offer them at a reasonable cost to other guests. Maybe offer first to those who might find travelling the most difficult or who we know might struggle with the cost.

I found a venue I thought I loved but I couldn’t have all the guests I wanted. My wedding was about the guests so I found a venue that I loved and would accommodate my numbers. I found something better in the end.