That thus just wouldn't be fair? (Wedding related)

[GirlOnIt]

Ok so I'm thinking way in advance only just looking into weddings etc and it will be October/November next year at the earliest.

But there's a venue that I've always said I'd love to marry at and when I've imagined getting married it's been there. We're going to look next weekend so could be we could sort something out or that I'm not even as keen when we do go.

But looking at the online quote and information. We could do and afford a weekend in November (I originally wanted September/October but that's more). The minimum day guests we can have is 50 but the price includes weekend stay for 30 guests and obviously ourselves. But that would mean 20 guests wouldn't be able to stay and there's over things they put on that just the guests staying can attend.

I don't know how we'd decide the 30 to stay and the 20 not to and we plan up invite some just to the wedding reception but I think it feels like too many tiers of who we think is worth coming and staying, coming to the wedding and not staying and only being invited to the evening do.

It's around 2 1/2 hours from where we live and the majority of family and friends. Although I've friends nearer too.

Dp says it doesn't matter we book what we want and if people don't want to come that's up to them. He's only bothered that his mum, dad, brother, best man and his partner stay. And the rest I can choose. I guess if it's immediate family and wedding party bridesmaids etc staying that's probably ok.
Do people expect to pay to stay over somewhere if they go to weddings? We're going to one this year and the couple asked if we wanted to book a room at the hotel as they had to fill the rooms, but we've paid for it not them and we didn't mind at all. But I do know they struggled to get all the rooms booked so presumably a lot of guests did mind.

I like to stay over, if it's any distance from home (it nearly always has been) but would always expect to pay for our accomm. ourselves.

If it were me, I'd want a breakdown of costs from the venue, find or work out cost of each room, then tell guests (except anyone you really want to treat/pay for) that X number of rooms only are available at the venue, at a cost of £X per night, first come first served.
And include a list of other hotels/B&Bs close by.

We'd be paying because it's part of the wedding then staying

It makes perfect sense, as does your wanting the friends who couldn't afford to pay there - but your problem will be how it may come across if the "Oooo but I've known them longer" starts

You are of course entitled to arrange whatever you want on whatever terms, but let's face it, anyone might say they "can't afford it" if there's a chance of someone else paying, and believing themselves to be "part of the wedding" could also apply to anyone

The thing with weddings, though, is that someone somewhere is always going to take the hump no matter what you do. Personally I'd pick a different venue without all the "package" complications, but that's just me ... in the end, so as long as you've tried your best, it might be worth just leaving them all to it

I would give first dibs to those guests who are travelling the furthest

I would not expect my hotel room to be paid for whoever I was family or not.

It is a kind gesture to offer to pay for family, yours and his. I would stop there though. Perhaps best man and your closest friend at a stretch and then you will have reached 30 guests anyway. The remaining twenty places should be offered to the friends that live closer to the venue, and any others that you wish to invite. I very much doubt they would ever expect a room paid for by you!

It isn't that far, and will be the equivalent of a day out for most guests. They may choose to stay somewhere close by and cheaper for instance.

I would keep to a weekend definitely. Not mid week if your friends are teachers and it is term time.

As long as there's other accommodation nearby I think it's OK. I also like the other idea of PP of giving rooms to very close relatives then saying rooms are available for £x a night first come first served see me for details, otherwise there are the following B&B options.

I would be careful with evening only invitations so far from your home town. I tend to think evening invitations are fine for work colleagues etc who are local but not for people who will have to travel.

Not sure I'm cut out for this wedding planning stuff, it's too stressful 😂
If it wasn't for my Gp's I'd just go off abroad and come back married I think!

Ok, we could stretch to 70 coming all day. The 30 who stay with us being immediate family and wedding party. I'd just make any other friends I want there bridesmaids or Dp's ushers?
Then anyone else can find somewhere to stay or not, up to them. I'm guessing some invitees won't come and we'll have to narrow the invites down.

Is this a woman thing, worrying? Asked Dp and he's just not bothered. I said what if you invite Bob to stay and not Fred and he's upset and he just laughed and said he won't care and if he does he doesn't have to come.
His family are so much easier than mine too though and I know they won't be bothered. Where as my dads family

Personally, I can't imagine caring about a specific venue enough to expect most of the guests to travel 2.5 hours to it. Or to want to travel that far for it myself. I'd just pick somewhere nearer, honestly.

Are ushers just if you have a church wedding?

No, people have ushers at non church weddings. We did.

I always expect to pay and it’s helpful to give out local info. Why are you getting married so far away from everyone?

I expect to pay for my own hotel if I am staying over at a wedding. Occasionally it has been paid for by the B&G, but that has been a pleasant surprise and didn't make a difference whether I went to the wedding or not

I wouldn't think twice about a close family member or member of the wedding party having their hotel paid for if I was paying. How would I even know?

There seems a few b&b pub style places so Dp said why don't we go for a drive round when we visit next weekend and see if we can get a deal to book all the rooms

If you do this, don't let on it's a wedding. Say you're organising some sort of event locally that weekend - a hobby or sporting thing e.g. a Star Trek fan meet, cycling rally, etc.

The minute you say "wedding" you're signing up to paying an extra 25-50% for no reason.

Why would you pay for 30 rooms? I’d be telling them I don’t need that so please reduce the price.

Also, you don’t need to invite 50 people. That’s just the minimum cost level they will charge.

If you insist on following this strange path, then allocate rooms to family and friends and offer the rest as first come first serve. I would see any person who expected free accommodation as a CF though.

Don't stretch it to 70! Those extra 20 are people you wouldn't care if they didn't show.

If you can afford to, I would pay for immediate family and for bridesmaids/best man to stay over (though this is very unusual.) Stick to the 50 and just send everyone a list of accommodation in the area.

It's not that we're paying for the rooms. We're paying for the full use of the venue for the weekend. There's rooms for 30 guests + some children. I suppose me and Dp could just stay alone but we'd pay the same price.

The 70 is reducing the number of guests overall, because we won't be having evening guests. Everyone will be invited all day.

Go and look at the venue - see if you still love it.

Then think about the rooms / practical side of it

Make a list of the people who you would want to stay there (ie immediate family, wedding party) and see how close you get to the maximum capacity.

Think about alternative venues - do they come close to this place?

Then make a decision - don't get too far ahead of yourself worrying about stuff

I'd allocate rooms to immediate family and bridesmaids/groomsmen. By doing that it looks like you are using 25 of the 30 rooms so I'd stop right there and just send a list of "places to stay nearby" with the invitations. You don't have to fill all 30 rooms.

Tbh, I wouldn't do evening invitations for a venue 2 hours away from everyone, and I wouldn't attend a wedding for evening only at that distance.

I agree with angela.

I think evening guests only work if they are local. I certainly wouldn't travel 2.5 hours and presumably have to pay for accommodation for an evening invite in most circumstances.

We’re going to a family wedding in Spain. Venue only has rooms for 20 guests - these are allocated to immediate family and bridesmaids. We had no issue with this. Bride put out list of hotels nearby and is laying in minibuses to/from these hotels to venue.

We’re very happy with this. Doesn’t bother us that we’re not immediate family. People understand. Don’t stress over it

OP, you dad isn't on the list of people staying - is that who you are forgetting? And are there any families with step children you have forgotten about DSis recently had to be reminded about our stepneices when planning her wedding

We did this, and offered specific guests rooms for 2 nights. We chose them on the basis of :

-immediate family & wedding party
-those who were coming from furthest away (a few were coming from abroad)

• those with young children /babies so that they could join in more/not leave so early.

A few more distant relatives were out out at bit being offered rooms, but honestly they were mostly CFers who just wanted a weekend away on us. One even said that they wanted a room as it would have been a nice romantic break for them...

You see I'm wanting to find a way it could work so if I do love it @OlennasWimple** then it will be ok. If I don't think it's going to work at all I'm not going to go see it and just convince myself it's not the right place.

No my dads not on the list @AngelaHodgeson. He might have made the evening guest list, but that would only have been for my Gp's sake.

There is likely to be other local accommodation available so just look for that and send an email out to people with these options. We have often stayed away for weddings - no one has paid for us and I would never expect them to.

Not sure evening only guests would travel2.5 hours for a few hours at a party

Why not look closer to home?

Complete madness for one venue