Working late. Is it the norm now ? How sad.

[Oblomov]

I posted on two threads yesterday about dh's who work later than their contracted hours.
Barney2 's dh works "(7am) and not home until late (gone 7pm" - so thats a 12 hr day then. And he always says yes to another extra job, if asked. Fillyfonk said "the company won't go into liquidation", if he says no. I agree with Fillyfonk.
Rabsters dh works "9 - 5.30, yet he seems to work 8.30 - 6 most days" so thats an extra hour every day.7 hours a week. A DAY A WEEK. That he does. FOR NOTHING.
Cod said "stop naggin". McDreamy,heifer, HonoriaGlossop, all basically / pretty much said that it was the norm thesedays.
And everyone is saying, this is the norm. REALLY ?
What I am asking, is not what time your dh gets home. Because everyone's is different, they work different hours, have diffrerent length commutes.
I am asking why people think it is o.k. to regularly do more than your contracted hours. I.e do an extra DAY for free, every week.
Last week, there was a post about a lady who had been made redundant, after giving so much. Aloha posted that "But I say never, ever consider yourself as working for anyone else, whether you work full time or part time, always put yourself and your own interests above those of your company. Because you can bet that the company will NEVER put your interests above their financial ones." I agree with her.
No company gives a sh*t about any employee. So if Aloha's argument is right ( and I beleive it is), why give ONE day PER WEEK, extra, for nothing.
If you think that this is the norm these days, for people to do extra hours, I think it is VERY SAD.
My dh has a new job as an Operations Manager. He doesn't take a full lunch. He regularly gives extra 1/2, 3/4 , 1 and 1/2 hrs extra. His men get paid overtime. But he doesn't. He says it is expected. I think, he thinks, that I am naieve. I am not naieve, I know people do it. I just think, that the work / life balance has become totally out-of-proportion. And I think its WRONG.
Maybe its just me, then ?

Harpsi - totally agree with your post. well put.

i dont think its a london thing , anyone working in a large company ,anywhere in the country ,seems to be doing it . My DH gets to work about 8.30 and wont leave until at least 1830 ,doesnt get paid overtime .He is dreading them being given blackberrys as then they could get to him at all hours ,although theyd have trouble because we live in the village that time forgot as far as mobile phone signals is concerned !

Nomdeplume. I hear you. I have re-read your posts. It is the norm. And it is CRAP. I knew this, before my OP

WickedWW can I ask which home counties area you work in? We're thinking of moving out of London (maybe Guildford/Farnham) and a 5pm going home time being the norm is very attractive.

Oblomov - my partner does exactly as you say. He works for his own financial interests. He is away from home for nearly 12 hours a day, 5 days a week (he sneaks a few lunches, haircuts and tennis games into that time). He makes a lot of money.

I have absolutely no problem with any of this.

me too Anna- dh gets paid by the hour so naturally that encourages him to work more.

I am torn between admiring his drive and wishing I had married someone in a fixed hours job so I had more help with the kids in the evenings.

whywhywhy - basically it's pretty much always a trade-off between more money and more family time... and often a difficult trade-off.

I don't expect my partner to do any skivvy work around the house (though I do expect him to be tidy) because he works a lot and makes a lot of money and that's his contribution to our lifestyle and it's a pretty good one. But I do have a cleaner/window-cleaner/get the shopping delivered/eat out regularly so he basically pays for services that make domestic life easier. I suppose that a man who made less money and worked fewer hours might reasonably be expected to clean and cook some of the time.

Except if you're a teacher in England, Anna... In which case it's no money and no life. Possibly other so-called "vocational" jobs as well.

duchesse - well, there are plenty of badly paid jobs out there that expect devotion... maybe it's better to just walk away

my dh is supposed to work 9-5, but often ends up going in at 8 and coming home and 7-7:30 in the evening. he works very, very hard, and pretty much carries at least 2 members of staff in his office. the reason he works these hours is because if he doesn't work extremely hard, he will be fired. just before christmas ast year, when i was heavily pg, the boss threatened him with redundancy because he was taking too much time off for scans, hospital admittance etc. she phoned him while i was in labour to make sure he wasn't going to take more than his two weeks paternity leave!

the reason he puts up with it, and the reason he doesn't walk out then sue, or wait till he gets fired then sue, or speak up and risk getting fired then sue, is because if he gets fired then we are destitute. yes, i could go out to work, but there's no way i could earn enough to keep us afloat. and i don't think dh would do very well as a full time carer for ds.

he's in the process of looking for another job, but he's been looking since Novemeber and nothing's come out yet. it's not that he wants to put his work life ahead of his family, he just has to, in order to keep a roof over all our heads!

I work in a company where it is the culture to pitch in and do over and above contracted hours where necessary - but then there is always some opportunity to leave earlier another time, or take a day's holiday at short notice, or compensate in some other way. There has been no problem for me working PT. And the MD leaves at 6 every day to go home to his children So it can be done.

berolina - if you have a reasonable, sane, normal boss then yes, it can be done.

unfortunately, dh doesn't.

I think the work/life balance in this country is clearly skewed, but I think it is gradually improving with longer statutory Paternity leave etc. But presenteeism is so ingrained that expecting your partner to make a stand against it is slightly unreasonable - if he values his job and the contribution it makes to the family then why would he put it in jeopardy by offering less than his colleagues. Sure he could get a less onerous job in order to spend longer at home, but could your family cope with the consequences?

Since my son was born I try to leave on time as much as possible, and rather than take overtime I take time in lieu instead. Sadly I'm sure that although this is tolerated, it's also been noted and I fear being first against the wall should my industry take a downturn.

For me the risk is worth taking as it means I get to bath DS a few times a week and that's the only time I'll get to see him apart from over breakfast. But it does make me feel insecure at work. I'd love to work a 4 day week but have decided against requesting it. I think they would go along with it, but it would make me easier to dispense with. My DW is hopefully going to 4 days when she finishes Mat leave, but I think this is still seen as being far more acceptable for women than men.

It's not always the case that long hours=pots of luverly money.

DH works for the emergency services. If he picks up a job an hour before the end of his shift, he's stuck with it. This can keep him at work for an extra 5,6,or worst case scenario 12 hours, on a pretty mediocre public sector wage. He gets paid overtime, but to be honest this still doesn't add up to much.

I am dreading going back to work, as my job (mediocre-waged public sector too) can also require me to work late. We have a flexitime policy, but it's a bit of a smokescreen really - you can only go if the office is very quiet, and there's still plenty of people to cover - so in essence you can never plan to leave "early". Lord knows how we'll fit in the nursery runs. We've already agreed dd will need to commute with me into central London to maximise the chances I can pick her up on time. I'm quite sad about the whole thing, TBH.

Not read all the thread, but I work in accounts so at month end we're very busy and regular overtime. We can take it back as flexi if we want, or get paid it.
I prefer to get paid. But tbh it doesn't really affect me that much - I start work at eight and finish at four, so working til five can give me an extra hr a day without really making a difference.
DH often works 12hr days - leaves at half six, back in around seven ish but he's hourly paid and appreciates the extra money.

Its why I left my full time job after I had my son...I was working a 40 hour week on paper, but it was the culture of my organisation to work late , come in at weekends etc (all unpaid) and I found myself increasingly resentful of this, not to mention knackered!

I haven't read all the thread, so don't know whether anyone's pointed out that in a lot of top level jobs, you're paid on results, not how many hours you sit in an office.

My dh is a vice president in one of the biggest companies in the world, and yes, sometimes I go for two weeks and barely see him, but other times he doesn't go into work at all, or is home by 4pm and doesn't work at the weekend, so that's fine by me. It just depends whether there's a major crisis on or not.

What I don't approve of is people who just hang around at work when they don't really need to.

cant see point of op
is it to pity us?
dh earsn loads thatw hy he wroks a lot
and we get to go to bermuda

Just for clarification, incase I haven't made myself clear, my dh works more hours than he is paid to do. And that makes me sad. If that is the norm, then that is a shame.

Troy, it was not to pity. I disagree with dh. I think he should leave on time. I know there are occassions, I know that there are emergencies. But his contract states to 4.30 pm. He has been leaving at 6pm. But he is not a top Director. He is not on an enormous salary.It is a differenc eof oppinion I have with my dh. Nothing to do with pity or getting at anyone who works long hours, or abroad or long commutes, or anything. Just that I have disagreed with my dh.

Cod, that's a vry odd name change. Please stop it, I don't feel comfortable with it.

Agree there does seem to be a long hours culture in this country. And agree it is wrong to have that as a basic expectation. Fine, if some people want to do it, or some jobs truly require it, but not as a base level for all companies.

But it is very, very risky for one person to challenge it. What do you do if the company then sidelines you, or tells you to eff off?

Lol Troymclure, probably should not comment on your post but I just can't help myself.

Yes you go to Bermuda but seriously "dh earsn loads thatw hy he wroks a lot
and we get to go to bermuda"

You do sound slightly snobbish, however I have no doubt you are a very sweet person.