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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to get married this year?

67 replies

Firstty · 24/02/2019 01:03

DP has just proposed and I have said yes. We already have a house and a baby and are very happy.

We haven't yet started making concrete plans but he has mentioned that he thinks Christmas 2020 would be good.

My initial thoughts are that I woul like to do it Christmas this year but trying to work out if that would be sensible or not.

My reasons for sooner are that 1. Almost 2 years is a long time for wedding planning and I think it would just prolong the stress. It's one day!! Also DSD(to be) is 7 and that is a long time to make her wait for something exciting. 2. We'd like to have another baby but I will be almost 38 by the time we are past the wedding 3. We have the money for a (non-extravagant) wedding so no need to save up.

The reasons for waiting are: 1. A lot of time to wedding plan so would not be stressful. 2. DD will be nearly 3 and therefore super cute and aware of her surroundings.

Would love your opinions. Obviously never having wedding planned before I don't know the ins and outs of what will make it more or less stressful!!

OP posts:

fezzesarecool · 24/02/2019 01:12

I think I would make ttc the priority to how soon you set the wedding if you prefer to be married first. From now until Christmas is plenty of time to plan and wedding stress will come however long you wait.

What would you regret more, possibly having trouble conceiving and less options available to you or the pros of waiting longer to get married?

bookmum08 · 24/02/2019 01:21

If you go and get your licence you can get married in two weeks time. There is a difference between a wedding and getting married
You need to talk about which of those is the more important one.You have a child already and want another. You should just get married for the legal security.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/02/2019 01:25

Do it this year. Christmas is still ages away if you can afford what you want now. We planned ours in less than 4 months and it was only that long as family from abroad were already scheduled to visit so we tied it in with that so they could be there. And that a Saturday in June!

Long engagements are so boring, for everyone. You wouldn’t take nearly two years to plan a party and that’s what it is, with the paperwork which isn’t complicated or that time consuming.

Congratulations!

2birds1stone · 24/02/2019 01:29

I had to wait 18 months to get married as.dh wanted a particular venue which was only available at that time. We could have got married within 9 months if we didn't have to wait for the venue and that was a wedding with 100 day guests and 200 evening so not small but I was decisive and everything basically arranged or agreed on within a few months.

Christmas this year is doable provided what you want is available and the people you want to attend can make it.

I personally wouldn't wait 2 years especially if you want another child. If you get married in December you could already be pregnant or have another baby by your 1st anniversary if you are lucky and catch early.

Justagirlwholovesaboy · 24/02/2019 01:37

Depends what you both want, if you want to be married then it can happen quickly. If you want a wedding in a particular venue or have guests you want there who need notice, this means needing more time. Still Christmas this year seems doable either way

Graphista · 24/02/2019 02:50

I used to work in the industry, you COULD have the time to organise even a traditional white wedding by Christmas this year.

BUT

you will HAVE to be organised, have the funds for deposits and contact venues etc ASAP.

Christmas is a VERY popular time not only for weddings but obviously work do's etc so venues are booked way in advance, some have a running booking for every Christmas for big company work do's eg "smiths ltd always have the 3rd Saturday in December" and a regular booking is of more value than a one off event, so you may well not get the venue you want AND prices can be higher too

If you're going the traditional route you need to find and order your dress by Easter to be honest. Nope not even kidding. This is because most traditional gowns are made bespoke and shipped from China 6 months is MINIMUM order time.

Ditto men's suits unless buying off the peg, if you're hiring morning suits or kilts or similar or buying bespoke, again Christmas and new year VERY popular time and hirings and tailors are booked way in advance

You'll need to be very flexible on details

HappyMama01 · 24/02/2019 04:01

I managed to plan, pay and sort everything out in 4 weeks and was married at the fifth week, at 28 weeks pregnant!
We had a great day. Small and intimate with only immediate family followed by a meal.

Go for it OP!

HappyMama01 · 24/02/2019 04:02

Go for it OP!

HappyMama01 · 24/02/2019 04:02

Go for it OP!

Aquamarine1029 · 24/02/2019 04:48

Go to the registrar's office and just get married. Why waste money on some daft "party?" Save your money and your sanity.

WinterHeatWave · 24/02/2019 04:52

We went from unexpected (on my side) engagement to wedding in 7 months. BUT, we were totally flexible on a Saturday date. And it was a decade ago.
If you are fixed on a Christmas, as opposed to November or February, wedding, it might have to be 2020. But less popular dates may well be available.
Congratulations.

Ollyscarecrow · 24/02/2019 04:57

We organized our church wedding in 9 weeks, and I was 32 weeks pregnant. 60 guests in a popular venue on a Friday. I know multiple people who have organized big weddings in 6 months.
Sorry graphista but I think you are talking nonsense. You can organize a wedding in a very short time if you aren’t planning to be bridezilla.

ivykaty44 · 24/02/2019 05:14

Just get married, there is no need to drag it out and to be honest I think it makes it quite painful and takes away much of the joy.

Getting married on the Saturday after Christmas has to be one of the cheapest days in the calendar and it’s so pretty with all the lights & sparkle from Christmas

Graphista · 24/02/2019 05:21

Olly I am NOT taking nonsense I was very clear I was accounting for traditional white wedding (so likely min 100 guests, traditional persobalised gown etc) PLUS getting married at a VERY busy time for likely venues busier even than traditional "wedding season" and a time when some venues have restricted opening times for parts of the venue.

Spring to summer much easier to be honest but even there the dress if bespoke traditional down needs min 6 month order time.

Op doesn't even have to take my word for it she can ask at bridal boutiques or read several other threads on here where B2b have been surprised to learn the realities of organising a wedding in particular traditional gowns.

Yes a smaller less traditional wedding would be easier and quicker to plan but I think it only fair to give her the likely issues she might face

I organised my own traditional wedding in 4 months BUT we were very flexible on dates, venue only available to certain people (military), flexible on clothes too my dress was ex display, bridesmaid gowns were hired and I wasn't bothered about matching completely, did my own stationery & favours, used Non bridal suppliers for many things and we married "off season" in late winter/early spring

That was over 20 years ago too, the industry has changed massively in that time and my response reflects that too.

Mushroomsarehorrible · 24/02/2019 05:27

Organised my (beautiful dream) wedding in four months. With v little help (i’m v decisive / knew exactly what I wanted and didn’t want any interference). Long engagements are tiresome. Get married this year OP.

Congratulations

ivykaty44 · 24/02/2019 05:36

We started planning a wedding last September for Christmas 2018. We looked at several venues and each venue could accommodate a wedding on the date, it didn’t seem to be a busy time of year - quite the opposite.

Getting an off the peg dress wouldn’t have been an issue, but dd decided to go for something else.

Flowers weren’t available at all, so dd decided on silk - which tbh I was surprised how beautiful they were & couldn’t tell the difference, the buttonholes were silk and the price was about a third.

I thought dd would never get the date at the register office- again she was offered slots all through the day about 8/9 choices of time and this was mid September so just 3 months before.

ps1991 · 24/02/2019 06:10

Do it this year! We had an 8months engagement, everything worked out great. Our friends who had longer engagements spent a lot of extra money on bits they didn’t need just because the had the time to 🙁

MaryShelley1818 · 24/02/2019 08:00

Just do it! We got engaged in June last year, booked the Wedding and got married the first weekend in December. No problems with availability for anything at all and more than enough time for planning.

Notonthestairs · 24/02/2019 08:06

I'd look at November and January dates. Cheaper and more available.
We took 5 months to plan a January wedding.

Arowana · 24/02/2019 08:09

Does it have to be around Christmas? How about Jan/Feb/Mar next year?

Ellapaella · 24/02/2019 08:14

I got married just before Christmas. The only thing I would say is that venues for parties etc will tend to be booked up pretty far in advance for that time of year so you will need to be very organised.
Having said that we only decided to get married 3 months before the date we chose and still managed to get everything organised in time, ours was very low key though and nothing fancy. Just the ceremony in a registry office, then we took everyone for lunch in a restaurant (had the whole place booked out for us) and a party in our local pub in the evening.
The biggest problem we had was finding a DJ for the evening do that close to Christmas.
I think you could do it if you started planning fairly soon and aren't after a very fancy bash.

Aozora13 · 24/02/2019 08:18

I’d just go for it! I got engaged in February and married in November. We were very lucky with the weather and the venue had a very good (and cheaper off-season) package so minimal stress and decision making required. Plus we were both pretty relaxed about the whole thing, which helped too! I think it’s easy to create stress/drama etc unnecessarily around weddings

Hollowvictory · 24/02/2019 08:23

You've got 2 children already so I'd just go to the registry office and gave a party after. I'd do it this summer why wait till Xmas? Don't see point!

shpoot · 24/02/2019 08:23

Wtf is graphista on? You go to a bridal shop, choose a dress and have it altered to fit if needs be. They'll do that for you.

bubblegumbottles · 24/02/2019 08:27

We planned a large-ish wedding (200 guests) in just under 6 months as our dream venue had a cancellation.
Bloody good job we booked it when we did as we had a bit TOO much fun at our engagement party and I ended up being 4 months pregnant on the big day.

Yes, it was a little bit stressful at times, weddings generally are (and I'm an ex-professional wedding planner). But it was brilliant and I wouldn't change it for the world :)

I've found in both my personal and professional experience that the longer you take to plan a wedding, the harder it is. There's longer to deliberate over decisions and longer for people to stick their noses/opinions in.
Just don't compromise on having your dream wedding if nothing is available at short notice, you'll regret not waiting.

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