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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to get married this year?

67 replies

Firstty · 24/02/2019 01:03

DP has just proposed and I have said yes. We already have a house and a baby and are very happy.

We haven't yet started making concrete plans but he has mentioned that he thinks Christmas 2020 would be good.

My initial thoughts are that I woul like to do it Christmas this year but trying to work out if that would be sensible or not.

My reasons for sooner are that 1. Almost 2 years is a long time for wedding planning and I think it would just prolong the stress. It's one day!! Also DSD(to be) is 7 and that is a long time to make her wait for something exciting. 2. We'd like to have another baby but I will be almost 38 by the time we are past the wedding 3. We have the money for a (non-extravagant) wedding so no need to save up.

The reasons for waiting are: 1. A lot of time to wedding plan so would not be stressful. 2. DD will be nearly 3 and therefore super cute and aware of her surroundings.

Would love your opinions. Obviously never having wedding planned before I don't know the ins and outs of what will make it more or less stressful!!

OP posts:
Hollowvictory · 24/02/2019 08:29

^this. Most wedding dresses are not made in china! Where did graphista work, ebay?

2birds1stone · 24/02/2019 08:32

I bought my dress or eBay. I am lucky that my mum can sew so she shortened it for me and added some straps using the horrible detachable bow that came with it.

Dress cost me £150 and was brand new never worn. I put it on the other day for shits and giggles. I still love it now and wish I had a reason to wear it....
Perhaps I need to hold a wedding dress party 🤣Grin

ToothlessReg · 24/02/2019 08:38

Wtf is graphista on? You go to a bridal shop, choose a dress and have it altered to fit if needs be. They'll do that for you.

If it’s a sample or a shop that sells off the peg, yes. Sample sales are a great way to get a designer dress for cheap, but usually a shop will only have one sample for each design - if the sample size isn’t close to the brides it might not be able to be altered to fit.

If you want a gown made by a wedding dress designer, you try on the sample in the shop, they take your measurements and order it in your size. That usually takes around 6 months unless they are able to do a rush order. No idea where the idea that they’re made in China came from though!

Myusernameismud · 24/02/2019 08:39

We got engaged in March and married in June the same year. Bought a dress from a high St retailer, most of whom sell bridal wear now, DH suit from M&S. Ceremony at a register office and lunch after at a lovely restaurant.

No fuss, nothing fancy but it was beautiful and perfect for us. I can't understand the nonsense of big weddings.

Do it this year, you have plenty of time!

Cremeeggsareforever · 24/02/2019 08:43

Depends what sort of wedding you want and how much money you want to spend.
Anyone I know that has had a wedding day with all the trimmings in less than a year has ended up incredibly stressed. We did it in 2 years and it was lovely. Lots of time to save and plan.

If you want a registry office, small reception somewhere not too fancy, etc you could do that in the next couple of months.

Just remember if you wanted certain photographers and other suppliers, they get booked up very far in advance, so the sooner the wedding, the less choosey you get to be.

BadLad · 24/02/2019 08:43

Where did graphista work, ebay?

I have no idea who is right, but I found that very funny.

Uptheapplesandpears · 24/02/2019 08:47

It would be doable to have a wedding, as opposed to simply a wedding ceremony, this year. If you get a wriggle on and you're not fussy. You probably won't be able to do it at a particularly popular time though. Christmas weddings are kind of going that way. I'd agree you're likely to get more choice in November or January.

What sort of wedding do you want?

StinkyCandle · 24/02/2019 09:01

I organised my wedding for around 150 guests in 5 months. It's only stressful if you make it that way, after all it's only a big party! Don't get me wrong, mine was amazing and we had a fantastic time, but it still only a party.

Personally I would get married this Christmas.

Sort your budget, and find a venue. Some do get booked 2 years in advance, but others will be available.
If you find your dream one within budget, you just need to go dress shopping (they do need to be ordered in advance) and the rest is just details. You don't need to agonised for 3 months over the colour of the invitations that no one care about, or will remember!

I would have got so bored if I had to think about a wedding for 2 years!
I would have found it so much more stressful than having to make decisions quickly and move on.

January is always the best time for a honeymoon in the sun. I did change my name when I got married but not straight away so all the travel arrangements were booked at the same time as the wedding and that was no fuss either.

I even did around 200 thank you letters in the couple of weeks between my wedding and my honeymoon -they were ordered and delivered with the invitations, so only had to write them in the evenings after the wedding.

It was the most expensive day of my life, but the best one ever! As long as you are happy, it's all that matters but it goes so quickly, 2 years is a long time to prepare for a few hours that will go in the blink of an eye.

Whynham · 24/02/2019 09:03

Manage your expectations, if you try for this year you may not get your exact venue you want on the date cos it could be booked already but theres plenty of time to find something. Everything else can be done in 10 months, everything else could be done in 10 weeks really.

RoboticSealpup · 24/02/2019 09:03

I hope this doesn't come across as judgemental, but seeing as you're already an established family who own a house together and have a child, I would think it was a bit excessive to plan a wedding for two years. You're really just formalising your existing relationship and securing your legal rights. You could still have a lovely day and a beautiful dress, but I don't really think you would need two years to plan it.

Hollowvictory · 24/02/2019 09:12

^^this. 2 year engagement when you've already got children is bizarre

toodlepipsqueaks · 24/02/2019 09:25

Congrats OP! Smile Especially if you aren't dead set on a specific venue yet I'm sure you could get something in for this Christmas. Has DP said why he had 2020 in mind? It might just be that he's taking quite a cautious approach based on not knowing exactly what's involved in planning/getting a venue, but actually would be fine with an earlier date.

On the other hand, I'm slightly surprised to see so many comments criticising long engagements as unnecessary, excessive, "dragging out" the planning, "boring for everyone" even. Surely setting the date further away doesn't necessarily mean you spend longer planning, as there is a finite number of decisions, with many of the big ones being made at a very early stage (venue, date, numbers etc)? And boring for other people - why?? Because they have to wait longer to attend a party that they're not organising or paying for? Confused

GreenTulips · 24/02/2019 09:32

I’ve had many conversations with brides planning 2 years ahead - every time you see them for 2 years! Incredibly dull. Nono didn’t know you chose x favours, no I don’t know you’d chose Y song, no I didn’t know X will be wearing yellow - gezzz

Book it and enjoy

shpoot · 24/02/2019 09:34

I agree. It's boring. Brides become obsessed with every detail and feel that you'll also want to know. Get it out of the way!

Normandy144 · 24/02/2019 09:37

It is definitely doable. My sister got engaged at the end of April last year and married just before Christmas. So in total just under 8 months. She was worried about lack of availability but didn't have any problems with the venues or suppliers she wanted. She did end up going for a Friday though. Dress wise, I think Graphista is being a little over dramatic. We visited a few shops a two the end of May and not one of them flinched when we gave the date. She ordered her dress over the end of the bank holiday weekend in May and it arrived mid October. Plenty of time for alterations.

I would start looking at venues and see what you can get. You could get some great bargains. My wedding venue was advertising a 2019 ew years eve package the other day, so there are deals to be had. Definitely doable, I wouldn't wait! Good luck planning.

Iwouldlikesomecake · 24/02/2019 09:39

Currently organising my September wedding. 160 people. Lots of people told us we were doing it 'quickly' and would struggle to get suppliers and venues etc.

Well, we are having the full white wedding at the church and venue we wanted with the first choice of car and photographer and dress. So actually my opinion is that if you go in aiming for the best but being willing to compromise you will have a great wedding at the time you want. For me it was about getting married not about 'the perfect party' but we've not actually had to choose.

SamStephens · 24/02/2019 09:45

It’s doable definitely just depends on the type of wedding you want and whether it’s available given the time of year you’re looking at.

My first engagement was 2.5yrs and fuck was that boring. I didn’t even want the big shebang but he (and my folks) did. Second wedding we arranged within 6 months and honestly 4 months of that was waiting for my divorce to be finalised and another month for our notice of intent to be filed.

Granted first wedding was all bells and whistles with a venue and white dress, guests, band, cars, speeches etc. Second wedding we went glamping over a long weekend and eloped so just needed a celebrant and photographer. Chalk and cheese. Just depends on what you want for the day.

YesThisIsMe · 24/02/2019 09:46

My DB got married between Xmas and New Year - it was lovely and nobody had trouble getting time off (if your key family members have very specific seasonal jobs you might have a problem though). Saturday 28th December looks perfect this year. I’d get phoning some venues ASAP.

BramblyHedge · 24/02/2019 09:51

We got married 3 months after engagement. Had a low key tea party and dress from monsoon. I'd do the same again.

MrsPworkingmummy · 24/02/2019 09:53

Congratulations OP. Go for it!!

We got engaged in February and were married in the December that same year. We had the most pefect winter wedding - it truly is a magical time to get married.

Jebuschristchocolatebar · 24/02/2019 09:55

Do it, we got engaged in Jan and got married at Christmas the same year. Remember wedding planning is only as stressful as you make it. Half of wedding stuff is unnecessary and you get pressured into worrying about it by unscrupulous vendors. They only thing I will say is if you want to get married this year then do all your big planning and dress purchase ASAP and then you can relax

Normandy144 · 24/02/2019 10:00

Also was going to add, you are in 'wedding fair' season at the moment, they are usually Jan through to April. So why not draw up a list of venues, visit them and see what's possible. At best you will find you can secure a venue you love for a date this year. At worst, you decide on a venue with limited availability and decide to go for the longer engagement. At least by viewing venues now the option of a Dec 2019 wedding is still very much on the cards. I don't think you have anything to lose.
Also correct me if I am wrong but you say you have a baby together, so are you on maternity leave at the moment? I planned most of our wedding during the last few months of my maternity leave. Was much easier to get out and visit venues and dress shops in the week as I found they had plenty of available appointments. I then drew up a short list and took DH to the best ones on the weekend.

SweetheartNeckline · 24/02/2019 10:00

We got engaged at the end of November and married at the end of September so 10 months. 80 day and 110 evening guests, church wedding with "proper" dress / bridesmaids / groomsmen / photographer / sit down meal / disco / cake. We even had time to make our own invitations, cake and favours. We could've easily got married in the May and very nearly did but DH has bad hayfever, plus I was studying for my degree so didn't want to clash with exams

Honestly 9-10 months is absolutely bags of time and I wouldn't personally want to wait to be married with young DC, especially if I was late 30s and wanting another child after marriage.

CurbsideProphet · 24/02/2019 10:03

We got engaged in autumn 2018 and are getting married this year. We own a house and don't want to wait, plus we weren't desperate for the ultimate barn in the middle of nowhere venue that gets booked up years in advance. I bought a sample dress, so no waiting at least 6 months for that to arrive from China Grin

Thumbcat · 24/02/2019 10:07

We were engaged in April and married in January which was more than enough time to plan. We were also going to have a Christmas wedding but our venue had a special offer for January weddings and we saved a lot of money by putting it back a couple of weeks.