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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off over "you wouldn't last 5 minutes without me" from DP?

29 replies

Binchicken · 23/02/2019 22:53

Just that really. Said during an argument.

He took it back afterwards saying "I didn't mean it like that" but I don't really see how else it could be meant.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 23/02/2019 22:55

YANU. I'd be pissed off as well! Rude, arrogant sod!

KanielOutis · 23/02/2019 22:59

ExH used to say that. I manage just fine without him.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/02/2019 23:01

YANBU. There’s only one way to take it.

What prompted him to say that?

Pomegranatemolasses · 23/02/2019 23:02

Really crappy comment. I'd be fuming.

PrawnOfCreation · 23/02/2019 23:03

Yuk. Basically translates to "I'm doing you a huge favour just by being with you" usually used by men who bring nothing to the relationship but their presence.

Dhalandchips · 23/02/2019 23:03

Yep, my ex used to say it too. He's an ex.

cookiemon666 · 23/02/2019 23:08

Ex husband used to say this. Been myself and the kids for nearly 3 years and we are doing okSmile

AutumnCrow · 23/02/2019 23:12

Well, he's a very stupid person to say that.

Original poster
Binchicken · 23/02/2019 23:15

Annelovesgilbert, going back through the argument it would be this:

We're hoping to move back to scotland soon where we're both from (living in SE england atm - we moved here for DP's job). Moving back up north is dependant on him getting a good job up there, which he has been applying for.

We were spending some time together this evening, watching videos on the tv and chatting, when DP picks up his book (related to his job) and starts reading it/doing work. I said, in a lighthearted way, "you really going to pick up on that just now? It's saturday night, lets do something," to which he replied "you want us to go back up north, don't you? If so you better let me get on with this." I slightly took umbrage to that and asked him why it was so important to do it now. And why moving north had to be up to him anyway (we both work but he earns more, which is why in his mind it has to be him that gets the good job up there before we can go.) That's when he laughed and said "you know, you wouldn't last 5 minutes without me." He was smiling when he said it which pissed me off even more. It just came out of nowhere. I think he thought he was being funny and quickly backpedalled when he saw how angry I got. He kept insisting he "didn't mean it like that" but couldn't clarify what he did actually mean by it. When it was clear I wasn't going to accept his explanation he went into a mood. We're not speaking now.

OP posts:
newtlover · 23/02/2019 23:16

has he ever said anything else like that, or implied it by his actions?
anyone can say something they don't mean in the heat of an argument, but if it's part of a pattern that's abusive, frankly

Original poster
Binchicken · 23/02/2019 23:19

newtlover come to think of it he has said it before, just once. I seem to remember getting really pissed off at him then too, though I can't remember what prompted it. I remember saying something like "that must be what you really think of me then," to which he denied. But I suspect it what he does really think.

OP posts:
Oldraver · 23/02/2019 23:22

Well it didnt sound like a heat of the moment slip of the tongue.

Sounds like he really did mean it

Atthebottomofthegarden · 23/02/2019 23:28

Do you have kids?

Original poster
Binchicken · 23/02/2019 23:29

Atthebottomofthegarden no, no DC

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 23/02/2019 23:32

How long did you last before you met him?

Depending what he’s like other than this either smile and nod or kick him to the kirb.

Atthebottomofthegarden · 23/02/2019 23:33

I would think twice about having any with him, if he’s like this now it won’t improve matters!

Is there any truth in what he says or is he just being an arse? Do you rely on him to “look after” you in any way? Does he mean you couldn’t cope financially, practically or emotionally do you think?

Atthebottomofthegarden · 23/02/2019 23:34

And yes, I would be excessively pissed of too...

Atthebottomofthegarden · 23/02/2019 23:34

Off

IncrediblySadToo · 23/02/2019 23:35

He was laughing, sounds like he was just joking...

OrigamiZoo · 23/02/2019 23:36

I bet he'd like to think that but the opposite is true.

timeisnotaline · 23/02/2019 23:37

Hmm. No kids. Are you going to have them? I guess I’d feel very insecure going on mat leave unless you are very confident he will value my contribution.
In the meantime , what do you do in the relationship? Finances , planning generally, holiday planning, washing, meal planning, shopping, cleaning ?
Because I’d be all ‘oh no holidays this year. Dp: Why not? Me: well I plan them. Unless you are playing stupid you are incapable of it.
No meal planned, up to you darling. I’ve realised you wouldn’t last 5 mins without me so we really need to work on your skills.
I’d mention it 10 times a day until he grovelled. But I am very much the manager in our relationship , so I’m not sure dp would last 5 mins without me GrinGrin

Atthebottomofthegarden · 23/02/2019 23:38

😁

justilou1 · 23/02/2019 23:38

You might want to go out with friends and prove him wrong.

NotaSpringChicken · 23/02/2019 23:39

Are you really depending on him getting a good job in Scotland so you can both move back North?

Perhaps you could get a job in the area you want to live in and let him choose whether or not to follow. Living costs are much more affordable further north.

PregnantSea · 23/02/2019 23:41

Sounds like he was joking. It was in poor taste and I'd be annoyed too, but if he was smiling and you weren't fighting I would say he was just messing around. I've said this to my DH before - usually when he can't find his socks or his keys, and I know where they are. It's not serious in any way.

You know your own DP though, so if you think he meant something by it then he probably did. Maybe you should apply for jobs up north now? And if you get one first you can just head off on your own, he can follow later. Then you can smile at him and say you're managing just fine without him, but can he please pull his finger out and hurry up with his big important job hunt? That might annoy him lol ...

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