To ask if I’ll ever stop loving him?

[AuroraAdoreHer]

Please be gentle on me. I have NC for this.

I’m married with 2 children. Last year I met a man at work and developed strong feelings of attraction towards him. It brought into sharp focus that I’m very unhappy in my marriage. DH and I had relationship counselling but have decided to split up.

My friend from work (also married with children), no longer works at my company but we have remained close friends and chat often.

He’s a very good person who prioritises his family although he seems unhappy in his relationship. He’s happy to give up his own happiness for the sake of his family.

Nothing physical has ever happened between us but I think we’re both attracted to each other.

As our time apart has increased I hoped I would forget about how I feel about him. Instead the feelings have evolved into something deeper and I believe that I love him.

I don’t know what I’m asking really. All I know is that I miss him constantly, I love him dearly and really miss him.

What do I do going forwards? Be his friend and stay in his life in case his circumstances ever change? Will this love and longing ever go away?

Has this ever happened to you and did you have a happy ending?

Thanks for reading.

You sound self obsessed and deluded. You are on the brink of wrecking two families' lives.
That's why it's a crush, it's not real.
You deserve any retribution that comes your way if you don't grow up.
Homewreckers are low lives imho.

when it hurts, it really bloody hurts.

But it doesn't hurt for as long as you think it does.... I'd say 3 days of major pain, and then increasingly lower level for a couple of weeks or so.

That's do-able, isn't it?

don't want what you can't have. And don't invent a new reality because it isn't reality. If you love him because he's faithful, don't imagine him faithful with you, because he'd have to be unfaithful in order to do that, so the scenario doesn't work!

He is a good man. He hasn’t done anything wrong whatsoever. He’s just tried to be a supportive friend to me.

I don’t know exactly how he feels about his wife but the ‘never been in love’ comment makes me suspect he’s not 100% happy/fulfilled.

I’m happy for you to call me selfish and a bad person but he hasn’t done anything wrong.

Monty how can I wreck a family if I’m deluded. Do you mean I’m deluded to think he might reciprocate? If so, then his family is solid surely?

Thank you to the people who have shown sympathy and understanding.

I haven’t posted about this before.

AnyFucker, what has he done wrong?

Enjoy the fantasy in your head not in real life.
This relationship is so full of potential hurt
Look to your marriage, what’s wrong and work on that

Give over. Take your rose tinted spectacles off.

The guy is loving your mooning over him.

AnyFucker do you think he knows how I feel then? I’m not sure how he would know. I don’t moon over him.

Of course he knows and he has given you just enough catnip to keep you interested.

But why would he want to do that? Surely it’s dangerous and an aggravation for him if he feels nothing.

Don't underestimate what an ego boost this is for him.

I expect he has a perfectly nice marriage. At least his wife is under the illusion she has.

Don't be that woman that falls for "my wife doesn't understand me" shit.

Just a minute.

What is "dangerous" about your relationship ? I thought it was purely platonic friendship. Just a tiny little twist of sexual intrigue. Nothing to see here folks. That kinda stuff. What could be "dangerous

You're addicted to the feeling of being almost with him. Like smoking or drinking, you're kidding yourself that cutting down is as good as stopping. It isn't. You spend your time obsessing over how much you can allow yourself to indulge.
Block him and go cold turkey. Plan to be busy. He's not going to come running, he's made that clear so stop trying to find new ways of waiting.

'Why is it a crush and not the feeling you get before falling in love with someone?'

Because you don't really know him, you don't have a future together, you aren't involved in each other's lives beyond the superficial. You just want an escape and that's alright, everyone does at times, but don't destroy your family and his over it.

AnyFucker, I think he has feelings for me that he doesn’t want to act on. I guess that’s the dangerous bit. Wanting each other. But on the surface it’s a platonic friendship.

He's not going to come running, he's made that clear so stop trying to find new ways of waiting.

That is a very good point.

Sometimes I think the more you like someone, the less you actually know them. More what you've made up in your head.

Op, we've all probably been in a position where we felt we were in love with someone we didn't really know, and felt like you do but goodness, when you read about it happening to a stranger it reads like absolute cliched drivel.

keepforgettingmyusername but isn’t that how every relationship starts out? You don’t know someone immediately. I think this is more than a crush.

arethereanyleftatall ha ha! You’re probably right.

'Doesn't every relationship start out like this? '
Well, for the relationships where you're both single and looking for love, yes they start out like this, and it all happens fairly quickly.

This is different, you aren't both available, thus he gets popped on a pedestal as you can make up the bits you don't know, and you get a really long time to obsess about it.

I am with AnyFucker. Time to grow up. Shake it off and step away.

You have kids who are having to deal with the fallout of their parents splitting. Put your focus there.

You don't have the luxury of this.

Is there actually a script somewhere? Sounds like he is working towards the usual justifications...

Of course he knows and he has given you just enough catnip to keep you interested

OP....he definitely knows you fancy him, especially if you both are giving each other that 'look in the eye' like you say.
I think he's enjoying all the attention he gets from you and the ego massage.
I also think he could well be playing mind games with you to manipulate you into having an affair - he's making it clear he doesn't do 'love' and will never leave his kids/wife.
So if/when you get 'involved' he has a ready made, long known 'reason' as to why he 'can't' give you the attention/commitment you want or need.

Don't be so naive and a doormat.
Plus you've met his family and you're STILL actively seeking his company to get your own kicks - does that not disgust you?
Would you be happy if another woman were behaving like this with your husband/bf?

I do know what it's like to feel emotions so deeply - and i'm autistic too.
What i've learnt is that to date my response/reaction when it comes to romance/men is more about my own attachment style rather than what actually is (if you get what i mean?)
Now i have that knowledge i find navigating deep emotions and issues like this sooooo much easier.

That guy i thought i'd been in love with all these years and who has had such a profound effect on me and my life - turns out he's actually psychopathic and knew exactly what he was doing when he was pulling my strings.

Once again mums net readers are failing at reading comprehension.

No you never get over them. When your an old lady, like I am, you'll smile to yourself when you think of them and get a little ache in your heart - if your lucky.

Remember, it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.