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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being precious?

100 replies

Onthedowns · 22/02/2019 21:08

DD is nearly 7 wanting her ears pierced, she did last year then changed her mind. My SIL said she would pay for her bday I said ok but if poss I would like to come also I didn’t want DD to go to Claire’s but a local piercer.

Today my DD comes home and says SIL took her aside for a chat and said she will take her just them without mummy and daddy and if she wants to go to Claire’s she can maybe next weekend.

SIL has her own younger children and has a bee in her bonnet about taking DD for some reason.

It is something I wanted to be present for and reluctant for Claire’s. DD also does school swimming etc so have to think about healing time etc. DH thinks I am overreacting .

OP posts:
Kez0777 · 23/02/2019 08:18

My dd who was 6 got her ear pierced at Claire's, they have been fine but they flippin hurt (did warn her!) and she cried! I would have hated not to be there to reassure her and give her cuddles! That's my job not someone else's!
DD who is 9 recently got hers done at a tattoo place, these are so much better. 4 weeks on they are healing lovely and you can tell the quality of the earrings is so much better. She went with DH and said they didn't hurt at all. If they had we would know and that's why she's gone a year after her little sister who she made get hers done first and watched her cry! She then refused to have hers done Grin
I wouldn't let anyone other than us take them and I would definitely go to a tattoo place over Claire's

Osirus · 23/02/2019 08:19

I had mine done in Claire’s, about 18 years ago though. It didn’t hurt and there was no problems at all.

Regardless as to where, how, why, it should be with you.

lljkk · 23/02/2019 09:23

Put SIL in her place.
Check on school rules for PE, make sure it's realistic.

In retrospect, I wish DD had waited until end July to make sure the main healing period was over with, no school hassle taking them out.
Mine & DD's were all done by casually trained people with guns (I'd do that again no hesitation).
Back when I had it done, nobody in schools gave a toss.

MNers insist that piercing is very dangerous - that a newly pierced ear can shed its earring & someone else promptly swallow it. The hysteria on here is pretty amazing.

Quartz2208 · 23/02/2019 09:24

People forget that piercing is in effect shoving a foreign object through skin and needs to be done properly and thought through
DD had hers done at 8 at a tattoo place with titanium studs. She still wears these 99% of the time and only goes into others for outings. She has by far the best and hasn’t had an infection that many of her friends have

Rowgtfc72 · 23/02/2019 09:45

I got dds pierced at Claire. Couldn't fault our local store and made sure decent earrings were put in. Wasn't asked for ID though as her parent.
I waited untill she was 9 as she would be the one cleaning them and taking them in and out.
We did it at the very start of the summer hols as well to give them a chance to heal.
No way would anyone else but me have taken her. Maybe dh but it's not really his thing.

SmarmyMrMime · 23/02/2019 10:01

I had a bad experience with a piercing at Claire's... The piercing itself was fine, my client just didn't expect to have the bonus of my latex glove pierced through her new stud. She took it very well.

So no to Claire's because they employ muppets like me stumbling in off the street with a CV in hand, and I was not the ditziest one working there!

The best argument against piercing young is that the earlobes continue to grow through life, so you do end up with a strong chance of badly positioned piercings in adulthood even if they were fine at the point they were done. Being old enough to manage the aftercare and the early discomfort is helpful.

SiL has no right to override your wishes.

I'd have loved sparkly earrings when I was 8 and lots of girls in my class had them. It doesn't mean it would have been a sensible informed choice (I was 17 when they were done... 6 months later I was doing it on the unsuspecting public Grin

Junkmail · 23/02/2019 10:30

My mum didn’t let me get my ear pierced until I was 16 and she took me to Claire’s and my god please don’t let your sister do this. You need to go to a professional piercer and be present for the aftercare advise. Claire’s fucked up not only my ear piercings but both my sisters too. Wrong angles, bad placement, slow to heal. Just don’t. I have had other piercings done properly and not had half the hassle and I can imagine it would be 100 times worse for a six year old to deal with.

Fluffyears · 23/02/2019 10:48

I went to a professional piercer for a non-ear piercing and she refused to do ears due to the difficulty. She happily did my eyebrow and lower belly button and my friend nipple and clit hood (I wince at that one). I had my ears done at 4?as my mum wanted them healed before I went to school and I pestered her for them because my friend had them. I remember going to the local hairdresser as picking out studs with pink crystals. I remember the woman marking my ears but I don’t remember the piercing. I went home and my mum gave me a junior disprol I threw up and asked for a nap. I never napped in the day, I had gone into mild shock.

pinkyredrose · 23/02/2019 12:17

@dragonsfire. Can you tell us what your 'very good' piercing training at Claires consisted of? Genuinely interested btw.

dragonsfire · 23/02/2019 12:31

@pinkyredrose I am probably abit of a weird case as I had actually worked in fine jewellery for years before where piercing was done, so I had an idea of how was done although never done myself and they didn’t pierce under 16year olds.

My training was a whole day at a training store they were very particular and strict on hygiene etc if anything more than the place I had worked before (who also used a gun)

As I was a manager it was my job to train the staff, which I found abit scary but I was strict and would take an hour with each at least. I would always have them practice on me first- my ears were very holey!

I always did first piercing with them and if they freaked out I would take over so no one was rushed. We pretty much made sure anyone new to piercing had someone experienced wherever possible for the first month to make sure all checks and information given.

As I said though I had some prior experience. I only worked there a year as went back to fine Jewellery.

pinkyredrose · 23/02/2019 12:41

@dragonsfire. Sorry you lost me at my training was a whole day And you'd take an hour at least when training new staff? And people wonder why Claires is shit.

dragonsfire · 23/02/2019 12:55

@pinkyredrose because my training was to train others not just the piercing training - it was the cleaning the station etc all the rules and regulations. How to properly explain it etc.

The actual physically piercing aspect was about an hour. But I know many stores that gave a 10 min talk and hand the gun over!

As I said I have worked in many a jewellers and actually their training was more lax. I think it really depends on the manager etc.

I personally wouldn’t recommend getting done at Claire’s I hated it, I hated piercing babies ears and never felt 100% confident but compared to stories heard my particular training was quite good, but that’s why was only there a year. I never pierced again even when in a jewellers setting (they are the same pretty much)

As I said under 10 seems young and I would go to a tattoo/piercing place.

MotorcycleMayhem · 23/02/2019 13:21

Fuck me, a whole day as a trainer, and a whole hour of training given to the piercers? And that's considered good by Claires standards.

A proper piercer, who is very unlikely to be a hairy tattooed biker (although I am a female, long haired, single tattooed, multiple pierced, biker myself) will have done a minimum 6 months apprenticeship - more likely upwards of a year.

In that time, they'll have had to learn about hygiene, sterilisation processes, autoclaves, first aid, blood borne pathogens etc.

They will have had their Hepatitis inoculations amongst other things to protect themselves.

They will not try to sell you bullshit magic potions to heal the piercing more quickly as there is no such thing. They will offer free aftercare. They will want your piercing to look it's best as it's their reputation on the line.

They will understand the need for different lengths of jewellery to allow for swelling - something the guns can't do. My ear lobe is actually too thick for the standard Caflon studs, and they embedded in the back. This should have been checked by a competent piercer and an alternative offered, but was not as it was done in H Samuel back in the 90s with a gun.

Piercing studios are licensed by the council and cleanliness standards stringently maintained. Their piercing methods are quicker, quieter, less painful, more professional, fine by far better trained people, worth better quality jewellery for less money. Why people insist on going to Claires is beyond me.

However back to the OP, your SIL is an arse and needs reining in.

MoveOnTheCards · 23/02/2019 13:35

Aside from the Claires/not Claires issue, I would be going batshit at my SIL for being conspiratorial about the whole thing with my daughter. Trust would be lost and I would not be leaving my child with her unsupervised until I felt my wishes would be firmly respected.

As the parent your wishes are paramount, not SIL’s. If my husband had an issue with that I would also be going batshit at him.

RabbityMcRabbit · 23/02/2019 13:40

Whilst she was there my niece took her and let her have a tattoo across her lower tummy. I went absolutely ballistic.
@Spots I hope you took the tattooist to task too. They broke the law by tattooing a person under 18. You could report them

Pinkblanket · 23/02/2019 14:03

My local tattoo /piercers advertises that they use a gun to pierce ears. They're not all some amazing superior high class establishment.

Fresta · 23/02/2019 14:06

It doesn't take six months to learn how to pierce an ear!

QuizzlyBear · 23/02/2019 14:44

I had mine pierced at a Claire's-type place and they were crap - I was left with slightly wonky piercing holes permanently.

Go to a tattooist / piercing place. They're experts and far more hygienic.

Damntheman · 23/02/2019 14:48

I would go as far as to go and speak to your local Claire's to make sure they know you do not consent should your SIL take her anyway.

You're not being precious, SIL is being rude AF! You are quite right to insist on your daughter being sure, and to do it at a proper place with a needle. Piercing guns are awful.

happymummy12345 · 23/02/2019 14:57

I don't have any issue with children having their ears pierced and think the younger the better. But it should be the parent who takes them and gives permission. Not the place of someone else and your sil is wrong

UnperfectLife · 23/02/2019 15:07

I had my ears pierced at Claire's with no problems whatsoever. I swim twice a week. Are you not supposed to???
Do not leave your daughter alone with SIL. You cannot trust her. Also tell her she is categorically not allowed to take your daughter to have her ears pierced - by Claire's or by anyone for that matter.

JasperKarat · 23/02/2019 15:16

I first went to get my ears pierced at ten the summer before secondary school, I got scared and bottled out, the lady offered to get a member of staff to pin me down and do it! I'm not sure it was a Claire's but definitely a similar type establishment, luckily DM said no way! I got them done instead for my 23th birthday at a reputable piercing salon where my uncle had had tattoos and piercings and so knew and trusted them. They made me feel very relaxed and confident and it didn't hurt at all. I developed a taste for piercings as an older teen, early twenties (nose, tragus, tongue, secund earlobe) and always went back there.
A former friend of mine took her stuff year old to Claire's , I was there, her DD got so upset and scared she was crying and threw up in her mum's hand, Claire's still pierced her, just got her mum to hold her still.
I walked out and it is one of many reasons I'm no longer friends with that person

JasperKarat · 23/02/2019 15:16

*13th birthday

MotorcycleMayhem · 23/02/2019 15:20

It doesn't take six months to learn how to pierce an ear!

No, but it takes that long to learn the trade better than banging a gun into the ears of a baby.

Would you choose the person with more training or less than an hour? The one wearing gloves with an autoclave for sterilising their tools? Sitting in a clean studio where you get a consultation on private or sitting in the door of a shopping centre?

Onthedowns · 23/02/2019 18:40

Thank you I have reiterated my views to DH again and yes my DD is still young and coming into swimming season!

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