Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being precious?

100 replies

Onthedowns · 22/02/2019 21:08

DD is nearly 7 wanting her ears pierced, she did last year then changed her mind. My SIL said she would pay for her bday I said ok but if poss I would like to come also I didn’t want DD to go to Claire’s but a local piercer.

Today my DD comes home and says SIL took her aside for a chat and said she will take her just them without mummy and daddy and if she wants to go to Claire’s she can maybe next weekend.

SIL has her own younger children and has a bee in her bonnet about taking DD for some reason.

It is something I wanted to be present for and reluctant for Claire’s. DD also does school swimming etc so have to think about healing time etc. DH thinks I am overreacting .

OP posts:
pictish · 22/02/2019 21:43

She’s a cheeky bint by the way. I wouldn’t leave your dd with her until the piercings have been done. In the place of your choosing.

Lovingbenidorm · 22/02/2019 21:43

IMO 6yo is far too young for various reasons.
Main point tho is that sil needs to keep her beak out if it,
How dare she take your daughter to one side and talk about it like it was their little secret?!
That’s one cheeky cow

CaseofEllen · 22/02/2019 21:44

I just think the fact that she has undermined what you have said about your own child is rubbish. Regardless of the situation you should be respected as a mother.

everythingbackbutyou · 22/02/2019 21:44

I am absolutely furious on your behalf, reading this. SIL needs to butt out. Is she your dh's sister? Sounds like he is way more concerned with upsetting them than with what your wishes are. There is no way I would be ok with someone undermining my clearly stated wishes like this. Getting ears pierced is a rite of passage that I'm sure you would like to participate in with your daughter, not hear about it second hand from your sil.

Original poster
Onthedowns · 22/02/2019 21:56

Thank that’s what I think that it’s something I would like to do with my daughter but also as she hasn’t mentioned it again I haven’t broached subject with her. Yes it is DH sister and I have made my feelings clear I haven’t messaged or said anything but have told DH I am furious and if doesn’t tell her I will

OP posts:
UniversalAunt · 22/02/2019 22:00

“I am pretty furious she has spoken to DD behind my back today shows total disrespect .”

Too right.
I’d be furious, alarm bells clanging & unsure if I could trust my DD in her care
I’d make it very clear to SIL that she’d be in serious shit if this matter goes any further in discussion or action. Serious serious shit.

HollowTalk · 22/02/2019 22:01

I'd phone Claire's Accessories tomorrow and ask them to please make sure anyone coming in with a child for ear piercings should make sure the child is with their parent.

Dohee · 22/02/2019 22:03

Dd got hers done the day before her 9th birthday in Claire's. It was her birthday present. The lady who did it was extremely professional, spent a lot of time making sure the piercings were going to look even. Everything was sterile, she gave lots of info on the aftercare, let us spend ages picking out the earrings etc. Couldn't fault them. Dd was so proud of those earrings! It was something that I wouldn't have missed experiencing with her. She felt like a proper big girl! And Granny even came along lol. It's a big thing for them.

erja · 22/02/2019 22:03

I think she went about it in a really bad way and I'd be really, really angry.
Although, I don't think 6yo is too young for lobe piercings.
Definitely don't go to Claire's though! Not even sure why they're still allowed to pierceShock

It's ultimately your choice though. Not SIL.

novasglowx · 22/02/2019 22:04

Nope nope nope & nope. Not her decision to make, totally undermining you. And for the love of all that is holy, not bloody Claire's!

Fairenuff · 22/02/2019 22:05

If your dd isn't sure I would leave it completely for now.

kateandme · 22/02/2019 22:05

u dc doesn't even sound so sure.i would be gently discourging it or "shall we wait a bit longer so your very sure,can you think of something more you want for your birthday instead?"its ever so young
and your sister is being sly and vindictive to get her way so that would be a no for her.i deff wanted my mum when I had mine too.
also explain to her about swimming and the consequences.

GruciusMalfoy · 22/02/2019 22:05

I'd be furious, and wouldn't trust her not to go behind your back as soon as she thinks she can get away with it.

Dohee · 22/02/2019 22:06

And I could see tears coming into dd's eyes after the first one going in, so I wouldn't like anyone else there to support her. Dd gets strength from me, and I wouldn't trust anyone else not to make it hard for her.

Dohee · 22/02/2019 22:07

Apologies for asking as it seems it should be something I know, but why the antipathy for Claire's?

sunshineandshowers21 · 22/02/2019 22:08

definitely don’t go to claire’s! both of my little cousins had theirs pierced there when they were younger and they both got infected. i took them to a local tattoo and piercing parlour to get them done again and they healed perfectly. they were a little scared of the needle but the man there froze their ears and it was all over in seconds.

RiverTam · 22/02/2019 22:10

I would make it clear that as she is so untrustworthy your DD will not be allowed to be with her without you also being there.

Your SIL sounds like the kind of idiot who thinks a girl is something to dress up.

Dohee · 22/02/2019 22:10

DD's didn't get infected. I think the aftercare is probably the most important thing.

Dohee · 22/02/2019 22:11

Do you remember the episode of Friends where Rachel's sister pierced Emma's ears so that she didn't look like a boy!! Grin

Rhubarbina · 22/02/2019 22:21

Totally out of order on the part of your SIL. I had a vaguely similar situation arise when DH's immediate family (from Latin America) bought expensive earrings for my newborn daughter and assumed we'd be getting her ears pierced, or that that they'd oversee it when they came to visit. I don't speak Spanish to communicate directly, but told my husband no fucking way, I was so pissed off. I know they were offended by me not wanting her ears pierced and I know I was bitched about behind my back for it and for shunning the ruby earrings the relative had paid for and couldn't return, but I was pissed off they made such an assumption about my baby, and totally disregarded my opinion on their discussions/plans. You should definitely stand up to the SIL, it's disrespectful and manipulative of her.

Springwalk · 22/02/2019 22:26

She is very young, buy some magnetic earrings and say to SIL you have changed your mind, then hold at arms length going forward.

Joebloggswazere · 22/02/2019 22:28

None of the tattoo shops near me would do piercing for under 16. We took DD5 to Claires, absolutely no problems at all. Healed lovely, definitely aren’t wonky, and they made sure the hold was in the right place for growth. DD was able to do PE in school and go swimming so I don’t know what the fuss is about. As regards to your sil though, just tell her straight, you don’t want them in Claires (for whatever reason) and you want to be there.

snitzelvoncrumb · 22/02/2019 22:33

I would just ask dd if she wants her ears pierced, if she does just take her yourself asap.

DarkDarkNight · 22/02/2019 22:41

You are not being at all precious. I would suggest your MIL get something else for a present (nice earrings for after the healing period maybe) and tell your SIL to butt out. How would she feel if you were to take her children for their first haircut or something?!

You are right about the piercing, take them to a reputable piercer not Claire’s. It’s much better to pierce with a needle than a gun and they will (or should) use medical grade titanium or similar to minimise problems.

CJsGoldfish · 22/02/2019 22:43

When I see that kind of heading on MN I usually roll my eyes knowing that the answer is going to be a big fat YES.

This though? Absolutely not.

You need to have a word to your SIL and make it very clear that she needs to STOP with this shit. Stop talking about it and never ever go behind your back like that again.
Unfortunately, you'll have to spell it out and tell her that under NO circumstances is she to take YOUR child to get her ears pierced. Anyone who goes against such clear instructions would feel my wrath. Your child also needs to know that her aunty is NOT to be taking her and you'll be very cross if that happens. This is the time to find your backbone otherwise they will always walk all over you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread