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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how long it took...

33 replies

hidinginthetoiletagain · 22/02/2019 17:58

To potty train your child?

My daughter was 3 last month and we have a newish baby, so had let it slide a bit...

Finally decided we should probably bite the bullet about 10 days ago. She is fairly happy to pee/poo in the toilet/potty and if we pop her on there every hour or so can just about be dry all day. However, when at nursery (when I assume they aren't able to monitor her as closely) she'll have several accidents in a day. Similarly at home if I just ask/remind her rather than actually persuading her onto the potty she'll generally say she doesn't need a wee etc. and then wet herself...

All our friend's children seemed to have been trained 'in a weekend' though they're mostly school age now, so I wonder if the parents have just forgotten!

Are we trying to do this when she's not ready and we should give up? Or am I expecting way too much and it'll just take time?

OP posts:
Original poster
hidinginthetoiletagain · 22/02/2019 18:01

I should add that she is generally typically developing and certainly understands the concept - on day 3 she happily said 'Mummy a wee is coming' hopped onto the potty and weed! She did this twice that day but hasn't done it since...

She doesn't have the best levels of focus/concentration though and is the sort of child who NEVER want to leave play to have her dirty nappy changed... (not bothered about sitting in it at all)

OP posts:
OneBiscuitAtATime · 22/02/2019 18:04

Sorry, can’t help as I’m in a very similar situation with DS. He was 3 in November and we’ve been training since December. We don’t have accidents everyday but I have to remind him to go. He’ll deny needing to go despite showing the signs then have an accident a few minutes later if I don’t persuade him. I’m following for inspiration!

GregoryPeckingDuck · 22/02/2019 18:07

We potty trained both around that age. They were properly potty trained (asking to go/going themselves, very infrequent accidents etc) in about 1-2 months.

confusedandemployed · 22/02/2019 18:10

DD took aaaaaages. She was definitely ready from about age 2 but would hate to stop having fun to go to the loo. She's 6 now and even now she'll leave it to the very last minute. Drives me insane.

Alb1 · 22/02/2019 18:13

My DS took a little while, like yours new how to do it but just took a good few weeks if not longer to get the hang of it. He was 3 and a half at the time too, he's 4 and a half now though and has been 100% dry for ages and all other development has been normal, I think some children just take longer than others

Original poster
hidinginthetoiletagain · 22/02/2019 18:14

Thanks all, that's reassuring! So would you think we should keep trying? I'm very reluctant to go backwards, but don't want to end up giving her a complex if it's just too soon! (Pfb, I'm totally clueless!!).

OP posts:
DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 22/02/2019 18:15

In my opinion, if you have to remind them to go then they’re not ready.

We tried ours a couple of times, if they were more reliably having accidents than not, we just stopped. Final child was done in a couple of days about three weeks after he turned three. My older two were about the same age but were poo withholders which was a whole other kettle of fish.

daisypond · 22/02/2019 18:21

All mine were potty-trained quite quickly at around two and a half. I needed a set time to do it, so it had to be when I was on leave from work in the Christmas holidays when I would be around all day for a good week or so. I started potty training my first at around two and a quarter and it was a bit early for her, as we did have some accidents for a couple of months. But two and a half seemed OK all round for the others - and it fitted in with the Christmas holiday schedule. They were potty trained within a week, I think, for daytime, and hardly ever an accident after that. Nights took longer. We had a childminder, not a nursery - maybe that helped a bit as well.

Original poster
hidinginthetoiletagain · 22/02/2019 18:24

Hmmm yes princess that seems to be the consensus amongst my friends... It's not even enough for me to remind her, I have to actually encourage her onto the potty/toilet... I don't ever force her to though obviously and she does get on quite often of her own volition, though sadly this is generally to read a book rather than have a pee.. Hmm

OP posts:
oliviatrivia · 22/02/2019 18:27

My eldest - when he was 2.5 he told us he didn’t want to wear nappies any more and that was that. Never had an accident.

My next one - turned 3 a few months ago, is totally capable of controlling/knowing when he needs to go but absolutely refuses to use the toilet/a potty.

My experiences make me a big fan of the ‘its easier if they’re ready’ theory (hence we’re leaving my 3 year old for now!)

BlackeyedGruesome · 22/02/2019 18:31

1 day and never (may be one day it will happen)

JellySlice · 22/02/2019 18:32

IME asking them if they need to go triggers that need within 10-15 minutes.

Do you recognise her 'bladder dance'? She may not yet. If you recognise that she needs, tell her that she needs and take her - don't ask or send. If you think it's a while since she went, or you want her to go before you leave the house, for example, ask - but then watch her and take or send her when she starts wriggling.

You might need to spell it out "I can see that you're wriggling, LittleHiding. That means you need to do a wee wee. Can you feel it in your tummy? Let's go! "

FWIW one of mine trained in 48h at 2.5y, one took 4d at 3y and one took 3w at 3.5y and was never reliably dry. Turned out that they had a neurological condition. They were medicated for it until puberty, when their body matured and no longer needed help.

Original poster
hidinginthetoiletagain · 22/02/2019 18:36

Ah balls, I was hoping lots of people would come on and say 3-4 weeks! The first few posts seemed a bit more promising Grin.

OP posts:
AnnieAnt · 22/02/2019 20:15

Mine have taken progressively less time, mainly because I have learnt that going cold turkey seems to be the best way - generally, we are awash for a week or so and just as I'm about to give up hope, it clicks. Although DC4, who we started just before he was 2.5 and seemed really ready (would sit and wee on demand - no sitting for ages waiting for him), actually took six months in the end as
he just would not tell us if he needed to go - so we were permanently hovering and taking him to the loo. It can become all-consuming.

DC1.... we tried in the summer just before she turned three (everyone said summer was easier due to fewer items of clothing!) - and it was a disaster. With hindsight, we maybe should have persevered, but she just didn't seem to know when she needed to go. So we stopped, started again a couple of months later and she was about 3 & 3 months when we finally got there - but it remains one of the most traumatic things I have ever done! It was actually easier for her in the winter - clothes contained the mess and she got more of a sensation of being wet, which she really did not like.

On the plus side, she gave up her nappies totally (I.e. dry at night) three months later. Still waiting for DC4 to get there, despite being potty trained for some time.

They do all get there eventually but (and it's easy for me to say now ), try not to stress (I stressed massively!).

Good luck!

hidinginthenightgarden · 22/02/2019 20:19

DS was 2.5 and done day time within a week and then nightime within a few months.
DD was 2.5 and done daytime within 2-3 weeks, but still has several weeks regression 12 months later and is far from toilet trained at night.

M0reGinPlease · 22/02/2019 20:23

A few weeks to break the back of it with weed, poo took a bit longer, but I wanted to shoot all the people (and it seemed like f**king everyone) who said 'oh yeah my kid was dry in a weekend 🤯

M0reGinPlease · 22/02/2019 20:24

Haha, what a typo! WEES, not weed! I mean it was bad, but not that bad 😂

Hopefullysmart · 22/02/2019 20:25

It genuinely took me 1 day with 1 and a few days with the other. We waited til they were about 2.5, can’t remember exactly and we had dozens of accidents over the day/days. They had character pants, Night Garden, and after all the accidents I remember saying, try not to pee on Upsy Daisy and it worked!! I think it just has to be their time though. We never used a potty. I believe we should model and they should mimic, and we don’t use potties; I’d recommend a solid comfy toilet insert.

BitchQueen90 · 22/02/2019 20:39

DS was pretty quick to be honest. He was potty trained at 2 and a half, took about 2 weeks. I was persistent with it though and didn't let it slide.

He wasn't dry at night until he was 3.

Cotswoldmama · 22/02/2019 20:40

My eldest was 3.5 and it took a bout 4-5 days. I started with pull ups as I'm too lazy to clean up wee! After a day of two of asking him loads and putting him on the loo he said 'mummy I'm wearing a pull up so can we're in it' that's when I realised he could recognise when he needed to go and was able to hold it. We went to pants then and he only had the odd accident usually when he was napping

Iseewhatyoumeanthistime · 22/02/2019 20:51

I tried with my first from about 2.5 absolutely no luck whatsoever!! In the summer after he was 3, so about 3.4 went all out for a week, was off work, nice weather, struggled a bit at first but by the end of the week was fully taking himself to the potty. My second has just turned 3, I've not even started yet, he has been for a wee on the potty twice, once because he took his nappy off and then he needed a wee, so he just sat on it!!. I'm at the point of leaving it around the house and my plan is to do the same with him in the summer. Whatever you decide just don't stress about it. Good luck OP.

llangennith · 22/02/2019 21:45

It takes a few days of concerted effort on your part. If they're at nursery it's a lot harder.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 22/02/2019 21:53

DS was 3years and 3months when he was trained. Oddly he was dry at night before he was dry in the day and by getting him on the potty quickly enough in the morning could wear the same nappy from 7pm to late morning by which time it would need changing. The benefit of waiting until he was older and ready was that the whole process took less than a fortnight.

One tip that you may want to take or ignore was that when we went out I would put him in underpants with a nappy over the top. The problem with new nappies are that they are so absorbant the wearer doesn't always realise they're wet. By doing that it meant he let me know when we needed to change him into dry pants without soaking the rest of his clothes, and that led naturally into letting me know beforehand so I could take him to the toilet. Other than that, prompt to go and "have a try" constantly.

Lookingforadvice123 · 22/02/2019 21:55

With wees DS (age 2.7 at the time) was brilliant, he was dry from day 3 with only a small handful of accidents (he had a couple at nursery - it's normal as you say, they're more distracted than at home). He was a pain with his poo though and even though he wasn't going in his pants, he was holding it in to the point he was getting constipated. Luckily movicol sorted him out and fingers crossed we've not had any issues in weeks and weeks, he goes happily now.

LaurieMarlow · 22/02/2019 22:00

With DS1 we started at 2.5 and though it looked like he was trained (night and day) after about a week, it was a year before he was reliably without accidents.

With DS2 I’ll wait a bit longer.