AIBU to think this is a sign of toxic masculinity or just a nasty person?

[Fretty]

I will try to make this short. Promise!

To set the scene: We are expats in a dominantly English speaking country. My first language is not English, but I learnt English at school, went to uni in the UK and have been working in my field for over twelve years. I am in a Management position and regularly represent the company I work for (events, press, PR, etc.). I have an extended professional network and never had any comments on or issues with communicating. (What I am trying to say is I don't think the below was due to me not being clear.)

I was looking to partner with a particular company for a project. There is plenty of competition for them, not so much for us. It would be a project they couldn't get directly and would be a kind of a sub-contractor for us. They were recommended by an acquaintance, so I got in touch.

The guy cut me off after about 2 minutes with:
"Listen, I don't understand what you are talking about. Frankly, I took none of what you said in. You better think about it, write it down and send it in an e-mail. If I am interested, I will let you know.
[in a "don't call me, I will call you" tone]

I wasn't particularly bothered and asked for his e-mail. He tried to give it to me but got mingled up and was mixing up spelling, didn't remember if it was .co or .com, etc. In the end, he told me:
"Anyway, it's on the website. Look it up. Bye."

I was more surprised by his unprofessional behaviour then upset, but it got me thinking; Is this a sign of toxic masculinity? Being aggressive and dismissive to show that they are the boss? Or is this just plain arrogance and rudeness?

I don't think there is anything I could do about it now [definitelly not sending anything], but what would you have done? Is there any way to react to this kind of behaviour other than ignoring it?

PS: It was a scheduled call.

Doe he get a thousnd calls a day from people pitching at him?

Unless you've been introduced to him and know him personally, I'd have emailed a head with a proposal, OR had my PA call his PA call him to arrange a suitable time to discuss a proposal, possibly over lunch. A phone pitch really isnt professional.

When you say expats in predominantly English speaking country, if you are in eg Australia then I'd be inclined to say the stereotype of a blunt Bruce comes into play, but if you are in Canada, they are a whole lot more laid back. These half threads with no details do grind my gears.

In gender studies, hegemonic masculinity is part of R. W. Connell's gender order theory, which recognizes multiple masculinities that vary across time, culture and the individual. Hegemonic masculinity is defined as a practice that legitimizes powerful men's dominant position in society and justifies the subordination of the common male population and women, and other marginalized ways of being a man

Yes, thought so, culture will come into play. You've omitted that bit of information.

Yes, thought so, culture will come into play. You've omitted that bit of information.

Are you responding to a post I didn’t see?

OP says it was a scheduled call after a recommendation.

Just sounds like he had no interest in doing business with you.

Jesus Christ it's nothing to do with toxic masculinity which is a stupid catch all term that means nothing anyway. It's just someone who is clearly a massive prick. Why you're trying to categorise it as anything else is weird.

Just sounds to me like someone who's pretty bad at their job

He does sound like a prick.

Not defending his rudeness AT ALL, but I often get calls at work, completely unscheduled and often disruptive to the work I am doing at that time, with little introduction or "is now a good time to talk" they've delve into something they want to do with us (my company) talking about their own business as if its something I should know about.

I'm NEVER as rude as that man on your call, but I do find myself asking them to email me and I've get back to them if its something we wish to explore.

Purely because email is more convenient (I can get to it when I have a moment - not when I am in the middle of working on something) and there can be info, attachments, links etc to refer to for more info/examples. Plus all the contact details are there if I do want to respond to them.

I doubt someone of your position needs my advice, but perhaps next time try reaching out via email as a short introduction and to find a convenient time to call? They might be more receptive to it if they're not busy working on something at the time you call.

This is how my boss behaves. She is female and just obnoxious and arrogant.

Except it was a scheduled call...

Contact his company at a more senior level than him & let them know about his conduct. If he is the top level & there is nowhere else to go speak to your company about what has happened & if you would like to remove them from your supplier list.

I suspect this guy needs a lot of viagra just to stand up. I think avoidance is the best option. Can you imagine him at home? *shudders...

@PlainSpeakingStraightTalking

Thanks for your response.
Please let me clarify:

1. It was a scheduled call.
2. I didn't think my tread was a "half thread" -I'm sorry you felt I didn't give enough information. If you like to know more to be able to form an informed opinion, you can always ask me. I think that is what chat groups are for, no?
3. I'm not an expert, but I don't think this behaviour is accepted as part of professional or other interaction anywhere, regardless of culture.

This person was a white, native English speaking male. It could have been my accent and the fact I am a woman (still not justified), but he knew who I was (wasn't selling anything) yet felt the need to talk down to me.

Was this rude man black? Could it have been toxic 'being-black-ness'?

Was he gay? Could it have been toxic homosexuality?

Was he short? Could it have been toxic 'being-short-ness'?

Was he called Philip? Could it have been toxic 'being-called-Phil-ness'?

It doesn't help anybody to look for a category to which a person arbitrarily belongs and then to blame their individual behaviour on their category rather than on their own personal choices.

This person is clearly a nasty, rude idiot - and surprisingly foolish and incompetent in business for the level that he's reached in the company, if he can't understand that insulting likely business partners - when they already have a lot of competitors - is detrimental to the success and continuation of his company and therefore his own livelihood.

In blaming his biological sex, you not only automatically tar all other males with the same brush but also make wholly undeserved allowances for him based on your perceived inevitability of bad behaviour because of his sex and thus lower the bar (in your mind, at least) of what level of behaviour and respect you will consider acceptable from somebody who happens to fit into that category.

@Ivana - we never know hte cultural background, always have wishy washy fluffy-isms ; I speak English, but Im not English, I work in and English speaking country . Seriously WTF are readers actaully supposed to give an opinion with no factual background ? And these threads, they never want an opinion, they want brow soothing, the nasty man belittled the woman. pass the tissues

Do you think Karen Brady wanders into an internet forum having a wail? No, of course she doesnt.

I suspect this guy needs a lot of viagra just to stand up.

What on earth do his own poor behavioural choices have to do with a random health issue which may or may not affect him? Or are your suggesting that suffering from ED is somehow shameful or a sign/result of a nasty personality?

I've encountered this so many times, sexist arrogance. You need to understand that many men (I know, not all men but too many) quite seriously do not think women are as capable as them or their intellectual equals. I think there was an article in the Guardian recently about this, something about how girls outperform boys at school/college level because diligence and discipline are rewarded in good results but then we enter the work world and it all changes and we generally make less money, get promoted less etc... Here's a hint, it's not about a lack of ability, there is a different dynamic at play now.

I also remember reading about an employee at some company in the USA who took over his female peer's email duties for a few weeks (I think he was covering for her while she was away or something) and for ease of client communication he just emailed as his female peer so clients communicating with him thought he was the female employee. He was absolutely horrified at the way in which clients/customers/male superiors treated his female peer over email. As a male employee he had never been treated with so little respect, doubt of his professional judgement, dismissiveness and demands to speak to a (male) boss etc... It became a viral story in the media for a while.

@webuilt....
I was calling the guy a dick

I have auditory processing and theres no way Id speak to someone like that if I had an issue. He was being rude. Fuck him

Wow. This one has touched a nerve with a lot of people op - can't think why

He sounds like a right twat. I think it would be interesting to run a survey asking people in business how many times they've been told straight-out that they don't understand their own subject, and how many times they have been told they're wasting someone's time. If the results were split by sex of respondent then I think they'd be rather telling. But you're complaining about nothing and sexism doesn't exist any more of course

It just made me think if there is an appropriate way to "call out" someone like this.

I wouldn't waste time trying to educate people like this on the error of their ways. #2 in the company and #2 in life. Just be thankful he showed you who he is before you set out on a project together so you could abort.

KM I can't work out if you're male or a woman in deep denial about the shit world she lives in

Calling out male shittiness does't mean there isn't any female shittiness, incidentally; any person with an ounce of logic or common sense will freely admit this. I do, and so do all my feminist friends. Your post implies that women should sort out all the problems propagated by their own sex before they're allowed to observe that problems propagated by the opposite sex even exist. I think that's stupid, as I am quite capable of caring about and attempting to address both at once! Multitasker, me

Overuse of the grin emoji there - my apologies.

I'm so glad to know toxic masculinity isn't a thing now. Phew! Everything is awesome.