To 'fib' to my friend to excuse my not drinking at her Hen Do?

[blackcoffeeinbed]

So, it's my best friends hen do in 4 weeks, by which time I will be 12 weeks pregnant. Due to numerous miscarriages, the last I lost my daughter at 21 weeks, I'm wanting to keep this pregnancy to myself for as long as I possibly can.

I'm thinking of excuses I can use to avoid drinking at her Hen Do, I feel bad for lieing and ultimately when she eventually does find out she will probably click I'd made whatever I said up. I don't know yet what I'm going to say. Though I'm sure she will understand.

Yes I've faked drinking on a few occasions. You'll be fine.

Doesn’t what excuse you use most people will guess

I used to fake drinking. I’d offer to make/buy drinks and make/buy a non alcoholic version. Beforehand I’d make a big deal of saying I need to pace myself and everyone second drink would be non-alcoholic and If someone else is making/buying then say I needed a soft drink this time, along with something like “that last one really went to my head.” As people get more drunk the less likely they are to pay any attention to what/how much you're drinking. Take drinks to the toilet and pour away or spill them or leave them lying around or pour them in a pot plant. Act hyper and enthusiastic and no one notices!

I'd say you're on a tight budget, so will be getting your own drinks rather than joining in with rounds/kitty and just pretend they're alcoholic.

Could you drive? Or say you have to drive very early the next morning and are worried about still being over limit? Develop sciatica and be on painkillers that don't mix well with alcohol (tramadol?) Have a blood test booked the next day and worried about alcohol consumption interfering? Just feel a bit rough like you're coming down with flu and not face drinking?

Will it fall in lent?

If I went on a hen do and someone wasn’t drinking due to antibiotics or some other lame excuse I’d assume you were pregnant, sorry but I would. If you have experienced losses I’m sure no one will make a thing of saying “oh come on, you’re pregnant aren’t you?” but your secret will be pretty much out.

I think pretending to drink is the way forward, if you are in a big-ish group you could manage it. Different situation but I went to my cousin’s 50th about 8 weeks pregnant, I drank lemonade all night, if anyone offered to make me a drink (it was a house party) and it was alcoholic I just let my sister have it, I made sure I was holding a drink for most the night which meant they didn’t ask much. If you are in a bar you can take a trip to the loo or put your drink down etc if someone buys you an alcoholic one.

I'd agree with the fake drinking, get the first round in, get non alcoholic drink thst looks like alcoholic, then in the next round, just hold an alcoholic drink and get rid in the toilet.

After that just say you've got a headache so you'll have a couple of waters to get rid of it then by that time no one will be watching what everyone drinks...

I was a moh at a hen do whilst pregnant and got away with no one noticing I wasn't drinking loads.

Metronidazole is not a magic word that means people will believe the antibiotics excuse. Everyone knows that means pregnancy.

I probably wouldn’t go if I was worried about people guessing. Can you rely on your friends to be polite enough not to ask if they suspect?

Thanks everyone! I love my friend and I do trust her, I just can't face the idea of telling anyone and I'm hoping she will be so excited and busy with everything going on around her she just won't really think about it.

I actually am driving the next day, I'm driving her and a few others for something planned the next day and she knows I'm pretty strict when it comes to drinking and driving so is a good excuse to not 'over do' it on the night out. I'm thinking the non alcoholic wine might be a good idea if where we are sells it! Until reading this I hadn't thought about the caffeine in coke, I'm not a big coke drinker unless I'm actually having a drink. I could opt for lime and soda in a short glass if the wines not a possibility.

Im her maid of honour and have arranged the whole weekend myself so there's no way I can't go, that would look even more obvious! It should be quite interesting being the sober one there for a change, I can just inconspicuously look after everyone.

Will it fall in lent?

Ooh, that's a good one!

What about telling her you're TTC instead?

I don't drink much anymore because my body doesn't want it, i start feeling sick after one or two drinks now.
I just tell people i don't feel like drinking and that's it, nobody has ever ridiculed me for it or tried making me feel like a party pooper, if they did they'd get a very blunt reply along the lines of "I don't need alcohol to have a good time, i'm not dependent on it. So if you think there's something 'wrong' with that then you need professional help".

Don't say antibiotics it's too obvious

Try something more creative like a stomach ulcer? You have to avoid alcohol and aspirin

Yeah you could say to your friend, if she finds out and asks why you didn;'t tell her, 'I want it to be your night and didnt want to make it about me' ...would she be the type whose nose would be put out of joint if you were to tell her, do you think she would be thinking that deep down? With a few drinks in her too, if you told her, she may spill the beans to someone else or blurt it ou, which you don't want. If you're at the bar ordering, ask for your soft drink to be put in a glass which alcoholic drinks would be in, like a wide tumbler or even apple juice in a wine glass to look like white wine. And pieces of fruit - if you're drinking a lemonade with a slice of lemon in it, to the untrained eye it looks like a g+t. A slice of lime in coke = ta-daa! Bacardi and coke! What type of venue is the party? Please let us know how you get on.

Some places do alcohol free beer and cider too. Have fi nand all the very very best

The antibiotics excuse is so overused that when I genuinely had to take AB, I kept the packet on me and waved them at anyone who cared to look

Slight exaggeration but you get the drift.

I’m actually wondering that for all the responses. Are we really at the stage where a grown woman has to pretend to drink? Or worry about people guessing if she says she’s on antibiotics? Just say you don’t want to drink and if anyone says anything just say it again.

If you're a non-drinker, then of course it would be easy for you to just come out and say 'I'm not drinking'. Of course nobody would be suspicious.

On the other hand, if someone is known for enjoying a wine or three when they go out - if they say 'I'm not drinking', people will wonder why. And if it's a woman of child-bearing age, they will assume she's pregnant.

The OP - quite understandably - doesn't want to raise people's suspicions. She's had multiple miscarriage, including a relatively recent late one, and does not want people to know she is pregnant yet.

If she just says 'I'm not drinking', everyone will assume she's pregnant and some of the less tactful types may possibly raise it.

She doesn't want to deal with that (at her friend's hen party!) so, yes, some sort of ploy needs to be thought up, and the fake drinking is the one least likely to be noticed.

Say you're hungover and you can't face anymore alcohol.

The maid of honour - the person organising the whole thing - isn't going to turn up at her friend's hen do so hungover that she can't touch a drop.

It doesn’t really matter what you say OP, there’s literally nothing you can say to convince someone you’re not drinking on their hen do for a reason other than pregnancy.

I think I’d just stick to lemonade with ice and a slice and tell others you’re having gin and lemo if they ask. Ask for lemo on their round because you’re ‘pacing’ yourself.

Just make sure you act drunk and merry and no-one will suspect! Eg if there's karaoke make sure you sing, dance on tables etc whatever it is drunk people usually do! Lol

I just hold a drink in my hand but never drink it - people don't look that closely.

Ask for lemo on their round because you’re ‘pacing’ yourself.

But then you're asking for lemonade on every round but your own.

People are going to clock it and assume it's because you're pregnant.

I managed to cover by drinking Becks Blue and Heineken 0% in a glass when DH or I went to the bar.

Just drink coke.
I went to a wedding and asked for tonic water in a gin glass!