To 'fib' to my friend to excuse my not drinking at her Hen Do?

[blackcoffeeinbed]

So, it's my best friends hen do in 4 weeks, by which time I will be 12 weeks pregnant. Due to numerous miscarriages, the last I lost my daughter at 21 weeks, I'm wanting to keep this pregnancy to myself for as long as I possibly can.

I'm thinking of excuses I can use to avoid drinking at her Hen Do, I feel bad for lieing and ultimately when she eventually does find out she will probably click I'd made whatever I said up. I don't know yet what I'm going to say. Though I'm sure she will understand.

"No one will believe you if you use the antibiotic excuse, it's too well used!"

And there are so many types of antibiotics that you CAN drink with.

Metronidazole - commonly prescribed for tooth abscesses - you cannot drink alcohol for the duration of the course (usually 5 days) and for 48 hours afterwards .

I would broach it by having a soft drink they saying your'e on these strong antibiotics for your teeth - it days no alcohol on them but you are wondering if one would be OK later.

If your friend dies work with medications she'll know this drug and will tell you that under no circumstance should you be drinking!

It's quite well known amongst anyone whose had issues with their teeth !

"Rum and come or gin and tonic is easier to "replicate" that wine - could you just claim to be drinking but stick to soft drinks?"

Ignoring your funny typo, it's not that easy to replicate. When you get a glass of coke it's normally filled to the top, but not quite for mixers. You'd have to ask the bar staff to help you.

Sending you

I am so sorry about your miscarriages. I empathise completely. I am very fortunate to now have two children but before them had recurrent miscarriage including a late one. Hang in there.

I stopped drinking for a while during the time we were trying as I found alcohol made me anxious and down. I said that to a couple of people in an indirect way ‘We’ve had a lot going on and alcohol isn’t helping how I am feeling so I’m not drinking’. People seemed to accept that and not pry.

Wishing you all of the luck in the world with this pregnancy.

Just order soft drinks. If anyone queries it (rude, up to you what you drink/ don't drink) then just tell them you aren't drinking at the moment. Excuses are pointless and if anything are a giveaway.

I remember years ago going out with a couple for a meal. I didn't know the woman that well, she ordered a soft drink. We said nothing (tbh I had just assumed she didn't drink) then about half an hour later she launched into her pre-prepared excuse. I realised immediately at this point that she was pregnant

I find that telling people I'm badly hungover works better for declining shots than 'I'm driving tomorrow'. Tell a tale of drinking too much with your husband the night before, not being able to handle wine any more, and you'll stick to your rum and cokes.

I agree you need to just pretend to drink.

• Go to the bar on your own,
• confide in someone behind the bar,
• buy a normal drink say you're then returning - it because it 'tastes funny' - if you are struggling to get to the bar alone this might help
• Buy normal drinks and lose them, pour away, nurse for ages

I have done this successfully with very close friends and family at 5 weeks. I acquired a taste for 'gin' and tonic that night which is an easy one to hide. No one noticed!

I used the antibiotics excuse along with a brazen “and before you ask, no I’m not pregnant!”. If they know your history surely they won’t give you a hard time? And they will forgive you for lying when they find out later!

Can’t go rum and coke as the caffeine would not be good for the baby. How’s about vodka and lemonade (ohh mandarin vodka) or archers and lemonade?

If you don't want to tell your friends it is fine to make an excuse. When my friend made an excuse for not drinking I thought she was probably pregnant but if she didn't want to tell me that was ok.

But if you've had your 12 week scan by then you may feel ready to tell people, which would make things easier.

The OP had a miscarriage at 21 weeks (as she says in the OP), so it's perfectly understandable that she won't be ready to tell anyone at 12 weeks.

Can’t go rum and coke as the caffeine would not be good for the baby.

There's very little caffeine in Coke - assuming you skipped coffee that day you could drink a lot and still be under the recommended limit for pregnant women, so I wouldn't worry about it.

Just back out or tell the truth. The antibiotics excuse won't fool anyone.

Yeah I wouldn't use any excuse they'll see through it especially as they know you've been trying. I'd just make out your drinking maybe just say your feeling a little quezy so not drinking too much or mixing drinks and order when no one's with you. Hope everything goes well!

The best decoy I found was just going along with buying drinks, ordering drinks at the bar, etc. when in front of people. No one bats an eyelid. Then just do pretend sips until coast is clear to tip it away or swap for lemonade / water.
If you don't flag that you aren't drinking in the first place no one will pay any attention. And as the night progresses, people are on their 3/4 drink they really won't notice, then you can order soft drinks as well and just say you're dehydrated.

I remember years ago going out with a couple for a meal. I didn't know the woman that well, she ordered a soft drink. We said nothing (tbh I had just assumed she didn't drink) then about half an hour later she launched into her pre-prepared excuse. I realised immediately at this point that she was pregnant

Yes I think that’s why antibiotics are usually not believable because it comes with a prepared elaborate story and a big announcement - I’m not drinking tonight because x ...

I think just fake it, be busy mingling and losing drinks and remember no one is watching you all that much, as long as they see you with a drink in your hand they won’t think twice.

Metronidazole was one of the antibiotics I was prescribed when I had Septicaemia. I stupidly decided (on a day I was allowed 'afternoon release' from the hospital) to have a small glass of wine as I felt good. Baaaaad mistake. I never saw it coming. Never felt sick before, during or after. But I without warning projectile vomited onto the loungeroom wall. I thought 'wtf???' It was like, it just ejected itself without warning. I knew I took a risk though. I never had any until I was home and completely recovered and off the drug. So, use the word Metronidazole, and threaten that if you drink while on it you'll projectile vomit on all the guests.

So, use the word Metronidazole, and threaten that if you drink while on it you'll projectile vomit on all the guests.

Are you 13? Actually, my 13-year-old wouldn't say such a silly thing to mates.

Tbh I'd just not worry about it and just not drink alcohol. Making excuses just draws attention to the fact. If you are in a busy bar or club it is very easy to put your drink down on a surface and "lose it". No one will notice you doing it at all.

If you are sat around a table eating and chatting then you can just nurse a drink or again, push it to one side and have a soft drink. Most people have table water as well as wine for thirst. Drink that.

If someone gives you a shot, again, just quietly put it down.

If you absolutely must give an excuse just say you are tired, have a headache or that you just don't feel like alcohol tonight.

Are you 13?
I’m actually wondering that for all the responses. Are we really at the stage where a grown woman has to pretend to drink? Or worry about people guessing if she says she’s on antibiotics? Just say you don’t want to drink and if anyone says anything just say it again. If you use the antibiotic excuse and some people guess, they either won’t say anything (in which case it doesn’t matter) or they will call you out and you just say they’ve got it wrong.

I should add, I’m a non drinker. No-one has ever asked me if I was pregnant. They just decide to keep telling me I should have a drink.

If it starts early, Can you use the excuse you will have a drink later by then no one will notice. I know it has been really hard and you are nervous but do you think you could confide in your BF, if I was your BF I'd feel guilty having put you through the hen do. I'd prefer you to miss it or allow me look out for you in a busy pub.

Fake the first couple of drinks the say you have heartburn and move onto water, gives you an excuse to sit for ages with any drinks in front of you and avoid shots/Prosecco toasts.

I agree that the least said the better. People won’t really take much notice unless you draw attention to it.

With a group of people no one will notice or even care so don’t make a big announcement about antibiotics, being hungover as you’ll only draw attention to yourself! I second the idea of ordering your own drinks minus the alcohol. I got through a lot of ‘dos’ with many an ginless tonic. You also aren’t expected to down gin either!