To 'fib' to my friend to excuse my not drinking at her Hen Do?

[blackcoffeeinbed]

So, it's my best friends hen do in 4 weeks, by which time I will be 12 weeks pregnant. Due to numerous miscarriages, the last I lost my daughter at 21 weeks, I'm wanting to keep this pregnancy to myself for as long as I possibly can.

I'm thinking of excuses I can use to avoid drinking at her Hen Do, I feel bad for lieing and ultimately when she eventually does find out she will probably click I'd made whatever I said up. I don't know yet what I'm going to say. Though I'm sure she will understand.

People will guess whatever line you use. If they’re polite they won’t say or ask anything, but sadly many people are not polite.

I’d go with ordering alcohol then not actually drinking any!

I could drink at a meal with my friends the other day coz I was on antibiotics. I am most definetly NOT pregnant.

I don't understand why anyone would think otherwise

The only problem with saying it’s TTC advise is that it leaves you open to ‘aw,it’s only one night, go on, you can have a few’.

I think everyone's assumption will be that yoi uare pregnant- sorry.

It would be my first conclusion, everyone has heard all the antibiotic and other excuses.

I think your secret will be rumbled if you go

If there's a cocktail menu, just order an alcohol free one. But is it worth telling your friend but not telling the rest of the group.

What about saying you are trying to conceive and have given up drink to put your body in the best possible position? As she’s a close friend she’ll understand how unfortunate you’ve been in the past and will keep quiet.

Very sorry about your miscarriages, and late loss of your baby.

Sorry too that your friends have said insensitive things. I had some similar comments. During pregnancies I stopped attending events like hen dos because of the high risk of further comments/intrusive questions and because I don’t enjoy them anyway! For me an evening was manageable, pretending to drink G&T that was actually just the T, but not a whole weekend.

Op I often don’t drink, I always ask the bartender to pour my drinks into a wine glass. It makes me feel special. Ask for pomegranate elderflower, it is the same colour as rose.
Or any of the others in the elderflower range. No one will notice trust me. Make it last.
Lemonade with extra lemon and ice can be passed off as gin and tonic.
After a while it won’t matter and at that point you can say you are pacing yourself.
I wouldn’t drink coke whilst pregnant personally.

I wouldn’t want anyone to know in your position either

Do you have a close friend that can sit next to you - you can order the same first drink - swap them over so she has yours when hers is finished & you can have her glass with a little in the bottle then swap onto soft drinks ( or put both glasses next to each other so she can sip out of both)

If you can’t do that wander around with your glass and lose it so you have to order another - will mean people will see you with different drinks / not nursing the same glass all night

Congratulations 💐

Don’t say antibiotics.

I got through a works Christmas do ok. I ordered myself what looked like gin and tonics and made sure people saw me drinking.
I had a glass of red wine in front of me that got topped up a few times. I kept bringing it to my lips.
Also later on there were shots and I refused but everyone was so hammered that the next day had forgotten and assumed I was drunk too.

I would say mostly order your own gin and tonic and accept drinks from others, just carry them around and pretend to sip them and then mingle and accidentally lose the glass.

I agree a white lie will do! If you suddenly say you aren’t drinking you’ll get a million questions about it and be lying in earnest then! Toothache, there’s an antibiotic Metronadazole that I took for an infection that you cannot drink on or it makes you puke ( leant the hard way!). Just make sure that you’re the first to tell her when you officially can. I fine AF a few times over the years and people tend to forget that youre not drinking one or two drinks in anyway...

Agree with the not drinking drinking. I have lime and soda in a wine glass. No one has ever noticed.

Another one saying just pretend to drink - announcing you’re not drinking is really obvious; but once people are drinking/drunk they really won’t remember how much others did or didn’t drink! Agree with the ‘sipping’ wine (bringing it to lips) at the meal and then buy yourself mixers. I’d someone buys you a drink just keep wandering around / dancing with it occasionally ‘sipping’ it then just put it down somewhere at the earliest opportunity.

Seriously, a friend did it a couple of years ago at a hen do - to the extent that she was literally throwing a shot over her shoulder rather than drinking it - and we were all too shitfaced to notice

Just remember to fake a hangover the next morning (might not be too hard depending on morning sickness!!!)

I’m sorry for your losses and hope you will have better luck with this pregnancy.

You could say you’re just getting over d&v. No longer infectious but cannot stomach alcohol. Oh dear, how awful. If you’re eating make a big thing about ordering bland food. Rice, chicken with as little sauce as possible, white fish, no rich chocolate for pudding etc. This will also reduce suspicion around nausea.

Otherwise go with the suggestion about about having read on the Internet that detoxing may help you and not drinking is a big factor. If people say to let your hair down for one night, waffle on about how it takes months to completely eradicate the effects. Bridget Jones knickers may be required but who's going to challenge a woman, who has suffered like you and is simply upping the odds?

Can you be the driver that evening?
TTC is a good one
Or tell them you have a hangover and can't face another alcoholic drink

No one falls for antibiotics. When I was in the early weeks, before you're allowed to tell people, I just bought a drink and nursed it all night or secretly got myself cokes wirhout the vodka/rum etc No one noticed. Usually they'll all be too busy getting trollied to notice what you are/aren't drinking anyway!

Order your own drinks and just get them mocked up to look like alcoholic drinks - extra ice, slice of lemon, small glass. You can even do shots, just ask the bartender for some water, peppermint, or juice in a shot glass (I used to work in bars and it's not unusual to be asked for mixers in a shot glass, usually for drinks we made earlier that people want to top up). Down your "shot". If anyone buys you an alcoholic drink, palm it off onto someone else "I'm starting to feel really drunk, can you drink this?" or "so-and-so got method but I've already got two drinks on the go, do you want this?"

After the hen do you can talk about how ill you felt for a good few days after so you're giving up drink for the next few months as a detox.

Sorry, everyone's going to know if you do the "i'm on antibiotics" routine. It's blindingly obvious.

You can get really decent alcohol-free beer and wine these days that'll do the trick, call the bar and find out if they stock any? Otherwise I agree with faking wine with lime and soda or order what looks like a mixed drink.

Alternatively go on the offensive. Tell them you're not drinking that night because you can't be hungover the next day. Then if/when the ooo are you pregnant?? talk starts flying you just stare them right in the face and ask them what makes them think it's okay to ask about something so personal, do they not consider that you could be infertile or have recently had a loss? I find that shocks anyone asking into apologising and then avoiding the topic in future. I fucking hate people who ask these questions, if a friend wants you to know she's pregnant she'll TELL you, otherwise shut up and sit down!

*I could drink at a meal with my friends the other day coz I was on antibiotics. I am most definetly NOT pregnant.

I don't understand why anyone would think otherwise*

@Bluelonerose that's presumably because you're not on the type of antibiotic that you cannot drink on.

OP, as others have said, don't use antibiotics as an excuse as that's the worst fake excuse to use. Either swap drinks for non alcho (tonic water instead of gin and tonic etc) or pretend to drink drinks but pour away/nurse the same drink as long as you can.

I would just drink soft drinks, say nothing unless asked. Or the not drinking because ttc again - again only mention if asked. I never understand why folk are so interested in what you are or are not drinking anyway.

Another one that wouldn't drink coke OP. Its like toilet cleaner on your insides, a literal fizzy poison.

Actually saying you are hungover and not feeling up to it can work too. Especially at the start of the night. Do the I am going to start on soft drinks and then maybe have a few later thing. After that no one notices. Use an unavoidable works event as the reason you drank before a special party. Say you didn’t think you drank that much but they kept topping you up and point out you are a lightweight drinker anyway.

Sorry but everyone will know. If they have any manners they will play along with you and not ask any direct questions. If they are rude enough to do so just say ‘if i’d news to tell you I’d tell you’ and give a pointed look.

To be honest they will all 90% assume you're pregnant if you're not drinking at your best friend's hen do. Not much you can do about that.

But if you've had your 12 week scan by then you may feel ready to tell people, which would make things easier.

I knew the moment my SIL breezily asked for a cup of tea when offered a drink. I said nothing and just ignored it till she said it. I even forgot in between because it’s not news or my business till she tells us.