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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think some people don’t get that working nights mean you need sleep during the day

83 replies

Redcampions · 20/02/2019 15:30

Started a job working three nights a week from 8pm till 8pm. I then go home have something to eat and go the bed till about 2-3ish.
The amount of people who have said stuff to me like
Can you have my kids during the day in the holidays since you are working nights
We can meet up on such and such a day since you are working during the night
And a couple of people try to ring me for chats after a night shift even though I have told them I am asleep.
My MiL told my DH who is a teacher so off during the holidays that he will be able to help them re decorate the kitchen and living room and hall over half term as I will be in each day with DS
The final straw is that I have found out today the neighbours have told the postman that I will be in all day to receive their parcels
Don’t people get you may be working nights but you still need sleep at some point
Does anyone else have this problem

OP posts:

Redglitter · 20/02/2019 15:33

Oh absolutely. Its as if you're having a nice lazy duvet day. I tend to stay on bed longer when im on nights because you dont get the same quality sleep.

Most of my friends get it now. Next time someone suggests meeting up tell them you can meet at your break at 2am. See what their thoughts are then

lablablab · 20/02/2019 15:33

That's crazy! You wouldn't call these people at 2am?!

Set them straight, in great detail, every single time.

Babysharkdododont · 20/02/2019 15:34

People just don't get it. Stick a sign on the door saying "night shift worker asleep, please don't disturb" you'll need a few hours pre-shift to rest and a good chunk of the next day asleep, tell MIL and everyone else to piss off

Magenta82 · 20/02/2019 15:34

This is ridiculous!

My postman used to deliver things straight to my neighbours because he knew I was on nights.

hibbledibble · 20/02/2019 15:35

Yes, rediculous. Set your your phone to silent (not vibrate) and put a note on your front door not to disturb. Ignore any cheeky requests.

I have heard parents say they don't need childcare as one of them works nights, but have no idea how this works in practice with sleeping!

areyoureallysaying · 20/02/2019 15:36

I don't work nights personally but my friends husband does and I did give her a bit of a reality check the other day when she was moaning that he hadn't done the breakfast dishes when she got home.!
Bearing in mind he does 8-8 when on nights (so gets in when she has left for the school run) so he goes to bed till about 3 and then often offers to do the school pick up.
She is a SAHM (both kids in school) and the most pressing thing she does all day is meet me at the gym and then we have coffee most mornings!!

Nicknacky · 20/02/2019 15:36

People who have never worked nights just don’t get it. They think you are just having a nap when you sleep during the day.

My mum once told me my sister worked “proper full time” as opposed to me as I was off a lot during the day.

Piapiapianopianopiano · 20/02/2019 15:36

They just don't understand how tiring nights are, or dont care. You just don't get the same quality of sleep during the day. And it's been linked to diabetes and breast cancer in some studies. Don't do them for long if you can.
Earplugs, blackout curtains, eye masks, white noise machines/fans all make it much easier.
Put a sign on your door to warn people not to knock and put your phone on silent, you need to sleep to function.

80sMum · 20/02/2019 15:37

Crikey, you have CF neighbours, OP! I would tell them straight that under no circumstances will you be available to accept deliveries for them.

Put a large, prominent notice on your front door saying "night worker sleeping, please do not knock on this door or ring the doorbell".

AuntMarch · 20/02/2019 15:43

I have a friend who works nights. He gets up and goes to work, come home and spends time with the kids, and then goes to bed.
It's just rather than doing this at 6am, 7pm and 11pm it's something like 7pm, 6.30am and 12 in the holidays. Mum works in a supermarket and is able to adjust her hours in the holidays to be home at lunch time so he can sleep.

In term time, she works a bit longer and his rotuine changes a bit. He will get home, take kids to school while she goes to work, and then go to bed, so he can be up earlier and see the family before he goes in to work. She'll finish in time to pick them up.
So they don't need childcare - but it's not ideal for family life either as he is in that routine and struggles at weekends to manage "normal" plans.

But to the OP - I would be giving very blunt responses in the situations you describe!!

Jellylegss · 20/02/2019 15:49

Yep! I had to explain to my dp that going back to my old shift pattern hours after mat leave would be impossible.. 4 nights over 7 with him working 5 days with a two hour over lap in the mornings. Dc would need childcare.. apparently he thought his elderly ill GP’s could hack this so it’d be free.. I’d pick up dc on my way home and do all the usual day stuff till 6.30pm.. an hour before I leave again. And I’m stood like and when do you propose I’m meant to sleep?

It’s now hilarious hearing him go on about “needing sleep” for work, we ebf so he doesn’t need to move during the night but his friend bottle feeds and does alternate nights with his dp even when working... he’s convinced he’s mad

Brilliantidiot · 20/02/2019 15:52

Yes! I think people think that you develop the magical ability to live without sleep when you work nights.
I have the school, DM and a couple of others on my emergency contacts on my do not disturb list (best invention ever for night workers!) So they get through but the amount of people that moan because they can't get hold of me is silly, even when I explain. And a teacher got short shrift for getting arsey with me after phoning to discuss something DD had done when I wasn't quite compus mentis, it was 3am to me and he was firing questions at me and getting mumbled answers and asked me "Are you even interested?"
Well yes, but you know I work nights and that you've just woken me up, could you give me a bloody minute?!
I think most people liken working nights to being awake with insomnia, or having broken sleep. As hard as those things are, it's not the same as working in a hard physically demanding job all night. You have to function as you would during a day shift, be alert and on the ball - while fighting your bodies natural need to sleep at night. There is a very good reason why night shift workers are offered health assessments by employers (by law I think) because it's recognised that it affects your health. Long term night workers are more at risk of lots of things.

RomanyQueen1 · 20/02/2019 16:00

I can't get over cf neighbours, tell them to get stretched.
why do people think it's a neighbours responsibility to take their parcels. don't order if you aren't there to accept, cf's.

TwinkleTits70 · 20/02/2019 16:06

Put a sign on the door, unplug your phone and put your mobile onto airplane mode. You can set it so certain numbers can still get through so ideal for emergencies.

They'll soon get the idea.

WhoNose88 · 20/02/2019 16:14

Yes! I have this too - and kids who think that while I'm getting over a night shift it's perfectly fine to come and ask me where to find things/whether they're allowed to do things (even though their Dad is right there and AWAKE!).

I'm trying to move all my nights to midweek now, so I can sleep while they're at school.

The phone is firmly left in the other room though until I get up at 2/3pm.

Nonibaloni · 20/02/2019 16:19

Definitely the worst part about night shift, which I don’t actually mind.
I used to work all night then take Ds to school, home to be bed. In an emergency I went from drop off to my grans. I needed to call a dr etc, ended up be up all day. Wasn’t safe to drive at all so got the bus to work and back. By the next morning I was done. Slept like the dead. When I was finally conscious again family were expecting me to able to help gran during the day since I was free.
Could not make them understand they were asking me to stay up all night.

Lovestonap · 20/02/2019 16:21

Yep. So frustrating. Even my husband used to say indulgently "did you have a nice nap?" when I emerged after 3.5 hours of sleep (all I could really sleep in the day).
It made me feel like I was being lazy.

Also my mother saying 'well you only work part time don't you?' well, I do 12 hour night shifts 3 nights a week so no, not really!
Grrrrr

Mixedupmummy · 20/02/2019 16:22

I'm quite shocked by this. don't people have any empathy! I've never worked nights but it seems pretty obvious to me if you haven't slept at night you'd need to sleep during the day instead.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 20/02/2019 16:24

If you are a bed tester by profession, allowed to devote an unbroken 8 hours in the shift to one single 'experiment', then YABU.

If you do any other job whatsoever, then YABVVVVVVVVVU.

I'd be very inclined to start calling the regular offenders who, despite all attempted explanations (using simple diagrams or sock puppets if necessary), still don't get it, at random times in the middle of the night for a chat. When they protest at how out of order you are to do so, feign amazement and say "But I know you only ever work 9am-5pm (or whatever) so I knew for a fact that I wouldn't be calling you whilst you were at work!"

Drum2018 · 20/02/2019 16:31

I second putting a sign on the door - deliveries for this address only - and turn off your phone. As for anyone asking for free childcare a simple 'would you ever fuck off, I'm working and in any case, I can just about tolerate my own kids', said in a jovial manner, should suffice.

MirriVan · 20/02/2019 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Birdsgottafly · 20/02/2019 16:37

I used to do 8-8 and liked to get to bed for 11am. Loads of people who told me that was ridiculous because they didn't go to bed three hours after they got in.

They couldn't understand how different it was to work 12 hour night shifts, compared to eight hour days.

I was lucky to get five hours sleep, to fit in seeing my children.

But because I was willing to work long weekends, so I could get Mon-Wed off, during the school holidays, I apparently 'had it made'. I was constantly running on empty.

WilkoBrandCleaner · 20/02/2019 16:37

Ooh I know exactly what you mean. The number of people who said to me, “Oh so you rest during the day?”

No I fucking SLEEP. Like, deep, dead to the world SLEEP.

RoboticSealpup · 20/02/2019 16:40

Some people, like my DSis, do sleeping night shifts during which they're on call if needed. Maybe some people think this is what night working entails? Saying that, I would expect your friends and family to know what kind of job you have!

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/02/2019 16:42

Night shifts really mess with your body, don’t they? The seem all consuming and all you do is work, eat and sleep. I don’t understand how people can’t get you need to sleep.

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