To share what my Smear nurse said?

[LellowYedbetter]

On Friday I went for my smear ... after two weeks of dreading it. The embarrassment, the awkwardness, what if I smell? What if the nurse thinks I look weird down there? What if .. what if ... what if ...

Well I got there and sat down. The nurse made small talk about unrelated stuff and then sighed and said “I’ve got 12 smears today, all one after another! I’m going to be smeared out by the time I leave work!”

Ok so apart from the “smeared out” comment making me laugh like a giggling school kid I IMMEDIATELY relaxed. This procedure that is a nightmare for the patient is just one of many jobs on that nurses list. There are at least 11 other women having their smear today with this one nurse. As if this nurse is going to remember the smelly fanny of patient number 3, or the hairy legs of patient number 1, or the fat belly of patient number 8 ... it made me realise that although the procedure is a massive deal for the patient, to the nurse it’s just another 20 minute appointment. It helped me. And I’m posting this hoping it might help others?

I'm a nurse ducky and believe me we see that many tuppees and winkys that its just the bloody norm!

Who is this directed at?

Because the vast majority of people on here have clarified that what our 'tuppees' look like doesn't factor at all in our reasons for not going or not liking it.

However, not being listened to and being patronised are pretty high up there...

Please go and get your smears lady’s!

It's ladies. Some people have already explained why they don't.

Smotheroffive, it was a female doctor. I guess I could have said 'No' but really I was in tons of pain. Not being able to see one of my ovaries had sent some alarm bells ringing I think.
It is a while ago I don't recall a chaperone but that could be my brain gone woolly.

Things got worse a few days later, after the op, 4 inch wound down my front. I vomited, vast quantities of green stuff, it was everywhere inc my hair . I hadn't been out of bed since the op. Nurses looked at me - you'll need a shower - i honestly never thought I'd need help in the shower when I was still in my 20's.
I had no dignity left

I got a second invitation letter. Rang up, was told to call back in a fortnight as they were 'waiting for some equipment'. One poster on here is overdue and rang in Jan. and the earliest appointment she could get for it is April. In MN land, too, everyone lives in these cities with GUM and family planning clinics where you can get appointments easily day or evening, it only 'takes 2 minutes' and is painless.

smother - I’ll post some links later

Tuppys and winkys? Ffs.

Its already been explained that many women are NOT embarrassed. I'd have thought that would be obvious by the amount of women who get waxed regularly.

Its worth noting WHO is claiming women are too embarrassed. It's Cancer charity's. The same cancer charitys whose income depends on funding and donations. The same ones who have no medical training whatsoever and again don't give women the information they need to make an informed decision.

Screening rates are falling because women are finding out the truth about this programme.

Just keeping things lighthearted and sharing my most recent smear experience because of course I know it is a very serious matter, but it was genuinely hilarious and (IMO) totally worth telling the tale anonymously!

So I went for my second smear last year, nurse was lovely and put me at ease and I was laid there all ready after some initial nervous chat. She popped the speculum in, reached across to the tray to get the brush thing, and I sneezed... Speculum shot straight out, hit the nurse, I'm temporarily horrifically embarrassed, waiting for her to react, and she laughed and said, 'that's not even the worst thing that's happened today!' 😳

I suppose this might have been offensive to some if taken seriously, and I didn't ask what could possibly have gone worse than that, but she took it well and now I'll always remember us having a laugh about it once I'd got dressed again. Felt a bit embarrassed and did the aisle dodge when I saw her in Tesco a couple of weeks later though 😂

On a Friday evening after a few vodka and cokes I once wrote on a friends fb status in response to her being worried and a bit embarrassed at going for her smear test the following week. The first following her baby and she was a bit self conscious. I thought I would lighten the post by saying “ don’t be embarrassed, she’ll have seen up half the chuffs in the area. Yours is nothing special” .
Woke up next morning to see it had been shared 117 times! My friend however hadn’t found it reassuring in the slightest 🥴🤷🏻‍♂️

My friend however hadn’t found it reassuring in the slightest 🥴🤷🏻‍♂️

Because it's patronising bollocks. FFS. Right up there with 'tuppys and winkys'. SMH. For some people they don't care if someone's seen more arse than a toilet seat, that person hasn't seen their arse/penis/vagina/etc.

I saw a poster at the hospital last week saying all teens would have a Gynae urine test...was confused as to what it meant but if it's the new approach to smears I will be delighted. I used to dread them because I was embarrassed but now it's pain - sharp excruciating pain and a tonne of cake afterwards wouldn't help! Maybe a bottle of Gin beforehand might though!

tuppees and winkies goodness me! I thought we'd all grown past that,even the DC, calling genitals stupid pretend names!

Thanks Aridane

Ooh horrible Ed so sorry, scarey stuff

I don't blame any girl not wanting tongo an open her legs to some strange bloke of a doctor, not so bad a woman,but even so, can be mortifying, and no, its no comfortable, can cause cramps and bleeding.

Oh the horror stories of the metal speculum. I've been caught in that more than once fucking appalli g way to be treated, clearly remember the spinning! Also speculum being pulled out and clamping on my cervix!!! Fucking ow people!!

Always causes cramping and sometimes slight spotting in me.

Horrified that we are all routinely going through that when it might've been unnecessary . Not happy about that, far from.

Have to say current female GP has been the best at doing them. Very respectful, and done with dignity and gently.

My nurse told me to think of it as a little willy!! Made me laugh an instantly relaxed!

My nurse told me to think of it as a little willy!!

Given how common sexual assault is, I think this is totally inappropriate.

@Smother - unfortunately I cannot now find the article I had in mind to link. It was an informative one looking at a key issue in the UK of how many people need to be screened to prevent one cancer death and how many people will receive unnecessary interventions.

Please go, one of my friends died at 30 from cervical cancer and another is in remission at the same age after the most horrific battle. I know people can find it hard but please just do it anyway, because you have a choice. Great post by the way xx

They always get me to put my fists under my bum, to help them see my cervix. I have no idea why?

But I've honestly never had a bad experience. They've definitely got better since the introduction of the plastic speculum and the soft brush. They definitely used to be more uncomfortable 20 years ago.

A mid-20s smear for me detected pre-cancerous cells. I might be dead now if I hadn't gone.

Please, please have your smears.

Abnormal cells often revert back to normal without treatment. It’s not as simple as bad smear leads to cancer leads to death.

Women need weigh up the risks and benefits of cervical screening for them personally. It’s a valid choice not to go.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/health-43210699

Sorry but I really don't get why having a smear is such a big deal for the recipient? I really don't get what the big drama is.

Yes, purple - that's an issue, aggressive treatment for cancers that would otherwise self resolve or which are indolent and don't require treatment.

The NHS leaflets stress that it is a personal choice

Boule - really, do you have that little insight? Victims of sexual trauma? Those of us who did it very painful and for whom the procedure is prolific need? Those from a conservative background?

Sorry but I really don't get why having a smear is such a big deal for the recipient? I really don't get what the big drama is.

You could try reading the thread where plenty of women have explained.

Or use your imagination. It’s not rocket science.

(for whom the procedure is prolonged)

The report made clear that further rigorous research is needed to fully understand the findings of that research.

Interesting read that my results were one of those that progressed even whilst undergoing treatment.

Molly there is no such thing as pre cancerous cells.