Grandad's funeral ceremony

[Blueuggboots]

My grandad has recently died.
He was not religious in any way shape or form and never expressed a desire to be so.
Before he died, he said he wanted 2 songs at his funeral which are hymns which we have adhered to.
When we talked to the celebrant yesterday, my mum (DIL of grandad) announces we were having the Lord's Prayer. When I said no to this, she announced that as a professing Christian, she felt it was right to have this. I pointed out that as my Grandad was not a professing Christian that I didn't feel it was remotely appropriate and that a period of quiet reflection would be better....
AIBU?

I’m surprised at how many replies here essentially boil down to ‘Be a good little girl and do what your mother tells you’.

I'm an atheist. I despise religion in certain circumstances like when I had to bury a very close loved one far to soon due to cancer.
I would've been upset to hear Something like that during that time especially as the deceased wasn't religious.

For some it's not just some words. If it means so much to the mother she can say it to herself.
However it sounds more like she wants to be the centre of attention and have her moments.

Is this maybe an opportunity to improve relations with your DM? If you decide to include the LP let her know you've done so because she feels it important. If you decide not to include it just make sure that you're not doing that to be petty. You'll be feeling lots of emotions but the funeral should bring you comfort, not be a battleground.

I do think the wishes of the person who has died should be respected - your Grandad would not have wanted the prayer, so it shoudln;t be there. As PP said - your Mum can say the prayer quietly to herself if it is important to her.
I wouldn't say it is standard to have the prayer at funerals nowadays - lots of people have non religious ceremonies.

My very elderly mother has made requests for her funeral - no readings, no ceremony, no music. - It wouldn't be my choice - i'd like poems and music, but I'll respect her wishes because she has made them clear.
A friend of mine's family completely disregarded her funeral wishes and it was actually very upsetting that all her requests were ignored and it was turned into a very religious ceremony, which she didn't want.

StillCoughing I disagree. Most people have said the mother sounds a bit annoying and self-absorbed but that this is a small and innocuous thing to include in a funeral and she did have a genuine loving relationship (though not a blood relationship) with the deceased. As such OP could be big enough to include it.

Personally I don't think the LP ever sounds 'silly'. I think it's so well known that it has a sense of comfort and gravity for most people. Plus it will take less than sixty seconds to read and then it's done.

Who's doing the eulogy, OP?

Contraceptionismyfriend
The service is already having religious aspects as there will be 2 hymns that were requested by OP's grandad. So clearly he did not feel an active dislike of all things religious in the way you describe. And the OP is ok with the hymns too.

Still I also disagree. Here are two women grieving someone they both love. One would like the Lord's Prayer included, because it would give her comfort. The other isn't sure because the deceased wasn't religious (though he requested 2 hymns - religious songs - to be sung at his funeral).

@RaffertyFair Yes. Exactly they were requested by the deceased. And if he had wanted the Lord's Prayer he would have said.
Again the mother can do the Lord's Prayer. To herself. Without enforcing it on others. Everyone wins.

I’m surprised at how many replies here essentially boil down to ‘Be a good little girl and do what your mother tells you’.

Actually most of the replies seem to be "If it doesn't hurt/upset you and can reduce someone else's hurt by doing it then you should do it"

I'd give the same response if the roles were reversed because I believe in compassion.

your Grandad would not have wanted the prayer, so it shoudln;t be there.
The OP hasn't said that exactly KurriKurri, just that he wadnt religious.

His desire for hymns shows that for many people (especially older oeople) cultural elements of religion remain even if the 'spiritual' aspects don't.

OP, I'm assuming your Grandad is a widower? What type of service did he arrange for his wife?

I’m surprised at how many replies here essentially boil down to ‘Be a good little girl and do what your mother tells you’.

They don't.

Contraceptionismyfriend And if he had wanted the Lord's Prayer he would have said

According to the OP the only things he requested were the hymns. He did not plan a full service. The OP is making decisions about the service not simply implementing his instructions.

By your logic the service would be the hymns alone.

Well it's not about your mum and you are your granddad's next of kin arranging the funeral so it's your decision based on what you know of your granddad.
You could allow the prayer for your mum's sake but not if you feel strongly the other way.

@RaffertyFair - I feel like I'm drip feeding.....but my grandad was in hospital having had open heart surgery when his wife (my DGM) died so had very little to do with the service.
My DGM had more faith than my grandad.....

@Butterymuffin - the celebrant will read the eulogy because none of us feel we could do it without sobbing!!

Blueuggboots
Not drip feeding at all, don't worry. I just wondered if your dgm's funeral might have helped clarify things.

I probably would have the Lords Prayer, as it would go nicely with the hymns he chose

The most important person in all of this is your Grandad. Have what you think your Grandad would want. Don't plan his funeral to please anyone else, plan it to please him.

I completely disagree with that, Gen - as I said upthread, funerals are for the living.

Surely if your DM has been close to and loved your DGF for 50 years then it wouldnt hurt to have the LP included in the service. DGF requested 2 hymns of his choice which indicates that although he may not have been particularly religious he was expecting a traditional type of funeral. This would include a prayer so I cant see why you wouldn't include LP. Your DM no doubt loved your GF as much as you OP its a small thing to ask.

Ok I think given this information your Mom has been your grandad’s daughter-in-law for nearly 50 years so therefore had known him for longer than 50 years. Your Mom was close to him and supported him the same as you.

Let her have the Lord’s Prayer which by the way is a prayer of reflection, asking for forgiveness and perfect for quiet moments. I think it would be petty to say no, if your Mom was close to her Father in Law would he really have any objection.

My dad thought we shouldn't have a funeral for my mum, just for her to be cremated without anyone there. He had known her the longest and was her legal spouse but I still overruled him. He did come to it, I think sometimes your gut reaction to something isn't always the right decision. That's how I now feel about her ashes, which I still need to do something with.

So I'd mull it over, it won't take much arranging to add it.

I don't think your being difficult

Funerals can be hotspots for family flare ups, I'm dreading my grandmother passing as I know it will be similar.

As he has picked hymns and hasn't specifically expressed any wishes this shouldnt be religious in any way - I'd let it go and I'm an atheist.

Pick your battles - there maybe more to come

Hymns are religious.....