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Original poster

How long do you leave your teenager?

108 replies

redwinelove · 19/02/2019 17:25

Sorry I know this has been done to death!

My son was 13 in December.
He is an only child.

He has been left for a maximum of hour and half. I'll leave him to pop to the shop but if I knew I would be more than a couple of hours I would make him come with me. According to him I'm a wuss and can leave him for longer.

My partner agrees with him.

How long are you comfortable enough to leave them for?

OP posts:
mrsm43s · 19/02/2019 21:12

Do any of you leave your 13 year old in the evenings, if so for how long? I am a single parent with a 13 year old so it's not easy to get out in the evenings.

Yes, but I like to be local and able to get back in a reasonable time. If we were going up to London (about an hour on the train) I would arrange something for them.

Supersoaker10 · 19/02/2019 21:21

13 and 12 ds's were left 11.30-5 yesterday. Ds1 went swimming and ds2 went out with mates and let himself in when he got home. Today they've got dropped off after having jabs at 11.30 to catch bus and tram back home while I went to work. They were then alone till 5.30 when H got home. Tomorrow they are with their GP's all day and thurs/fri I'm off work but they've already told me they are going out with mates both days. They have phones and I'm contactable at work and GP's mins away if needed.

Supersoaker10 · 19/02/2019 21:23

We do leave them for 2-3 hours in the evening at weekends if they don't want to come out with us as well.

minionsrule · 19/02/2019 21:30

We rarely leave ds in the evenings.... we did a few months ago for about 3 hours....m we were about 10 mins away, back ny 10.30.... he told us we could have stayed out later Wink

HennyPennyHorror · 19/02/2019 21:34

All day! She's very trustworthy. Loves her peace and quiet so it's something she looks forward to. She can make pasta or a toastie...she just watches films and knows not to answer the door. She's 14 now but has been left since she was 13 on occasion.

maddiemookins16mum · 19/02/2019 21:37

Flippin hell, I was leaving my 13 year old from 8-4 some days!

BlitheringIdiots · 19/02/2019 21:50

We leave for work at 7am and not back til 6pm so wouldn't leave my 13 year old all day on his own. Maybe next year

Curiousmum69 · 19/02/2019 21:51

I'd happily leave my 13 year old alone for a long day. But we have lots of fami k y nearby that he could call upon were there a problem and he needs a crowbar to leave his PC anyway

Maryann1975 · 19/02/2019 21:55

I work from home so this isn’t really an issue for us, but I am planning to leave dd12 from 9 until 12 tomorrow. I doubt she will even get out of bed tbh. She has been offered grand parents as an alternative but says she is happy on her own. GPS are about 5-10 mins away and we have good neighbours, the majority retired who dd could knock on if she had any issues.

dawn29 · 19/02/2019 22:00

We have left our 12 year old alone for whole days many times, they have mobile phones so is so easy to contact us if needed, much safer than when we were kids

Dixiechickonhols · 19/02/2019 22:07

I leave my 13 yr old old only child for 5 hours in school hols or if she is off school ill and I’m at work (only work part time).
I’m only 10 mins drive away, she has a phone and she has a friend (with parent who works from home) few doors up who she could go to in an emergency.

DropZoneOne · 19/02/2019 22:08

My DD is not quite 11 and an only child. She's on her own up to an hour after school almost every day, and longer at weekends up to 2 hours if i need to go out and she doesn't want to come. In preparation for secondary school, we've been loosening the apron strings for the past year.

So i think you're being a bit cautious with your 13 year old.

JustBeingJobless · 19/02/2019 22:08

Ds is 13 in a few weeks and I’ll happily leave him for 4-5 hours during the day if need be. He’s more than capable of getting himself a drink and a sandwich and can text or ring if there’s a problem.

Ginseng1 · 19/02/2019 22:13

They start secondary school at 12/13 here & they've 12 weeks holidays in non exam years so unless you are a teacher if both parents working kids are left quite a bit during holidays from this age as who has that much leave?! I'll organise a few camps just to get them off tech for few hours & me work from home a bit. Ds is 11 now & I'd leave him for about 2 hours max at the mo & we rural to get him used to it. He can cook a small bit n make a sandwich etc bit I would bring his younger sisters tho my fear is they start fighting!

ConfCall · 19/02/2019 22:36

Agree with the vast majority here. I think he's past the "going to grandparents" stage OP. I understand your anxiety though.

MrsBlondie · 19/02/2019 22:45

All day 9am-3pm in holidays whilst I work. Home alone on school days sometimes from 3.30-6pm.
Left alone weekends if he doesn't want to come out with us.
You need to give them responsibility as long as they are happy.

puppymouse · 19/02/2019 23:27

God this thread makes me feel like a right weirdo. I don't think I was left alone until 14 and that was short blocks of time. I can't imagine being left all day or night at 13 myself or doing that to DD.

I don't really have a rational reason other than the fact I wouldn't have done anything useful or interesting and would have been lonely and scared. Interesting to see this isn't the norm?

PleaseComeBackSafe · 19/02/2019 23:35

I feel sad for my kids after reading this. Neither of them, one pre teen and one teen ( and tbh even the younger one) ever get invites or go hang out with mates. One talks to mates on the Xbox but the other, although there are loads of people around here, never calls for people or has people over or even goes out with others. :(

Celticrose · 20/02/2019 00:34

When I was 14 sometimes when I got home from school my mum would be away shopping in a city 1.5 hours away. My dad was away working and sister at uni. I would make my own tea and also light the fire which sometimes meant going to the coal house out the back to fill the coal bucket. I always looked forward to the goodies mum brought home from M&S

AornisHades · 20/02/2019 00:47

We leave our 12 year old for a couple of hours. She's happy with that. I wouldn't want to be miles away for my own sanity.

BlitheringIdiots · 20/02/2019 05:37

PleaseComeBackSafe

Neither does mine

dontknowwhattodo80 · 20/02/2019 08:05

DS1 is 15 and I'm happy to leave him for several hours, although as I don't work it doesn't happen often.

We started doing short stints of being home alone from about 10. Then, when he was nearly 12, his little brother had a serious illness that meant we spent a lot of time in hospital, on and off for 2 years, so DS got used to having to let himself in after school etc ( until DH got home from work). We have great neighbours, live in a small cul de sac and several of our neighbours knew the situation and helped out when needed I.e feeding him!

Ribbonsonabox · 20/02/2019 13:51

Dependant on the maturity of the individual child I'd be fine with a 13 year old being left alone over night. Theres some 13yr olds who would not be okay to do that because they might be anxious about it or not to be trusted... but I think the majority would be okay actually as long as you knew your neighbours and you didnt live right in the centre of a big city in a ground floor flat or something!

Certainly most NT 13 year olds could be left for a few hours!

Daddylonglegs1965 · 20/02/2019 17:54

Are you for real Ribbonsonabox? They may well be fine but it is not really good parenting practice to leave a just turned 13 year old over night.
I work part time and have been in work all day today and all day tomorrow I have left my just turned 14 year old and her recently turned 15 year old brother in the house on their own. I work 5 minutes away from home and I popped home to see them at lunch time. They were both fine and quite enjoyed the down time but no way would I leave them in the house on their own over night. I think it is probably against the law to leave a child under 16 alone in the house over night. Ok for a couple of hours if your not far away but not over night.

BlueSlipperSocks · 20/02/2019 18:10

I have left mine, at home, from age 11 during the days I needed to work. They were happy to be left at home, rather than going to grandma's, because they have everything they need at home, including friends they can go out with or play Xbox. Grandma is only 10 minutes away if needed.

My 18 year old is considered old enough to leave overnight, as she is adult. She's not comfortable being on her own overnight so we don't leave her alone overnight. She, however, has been happy to stay home overnight with a friend for company.

If no friends are available to stay, when I'm on night shift, she would prefer to stay with grandma for the night.

I wouldn't leave a 13 year old alone, at night, whether they were comfortable with it or not.

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