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Original poster

How long do you leave your teenager?

108 replies

redwinelove · 19/02/2019 17:25

Sorry I know this has been done to death!

My son was 13 in December.
He is an only child.

He has been left for a maximum of hour and half. I'll leave him to pop to the shop but if I knew I would be more than a couple of hours I would make him come with me. According to him I'm a wuss and can leave him for longer.

My partner agrees with him.

How long are you comfortable enough to leave them for?

OP posts:
OkOkWhatsNext · 19/02/2019 18:26

At 13 I used to babysit for my parents’ friends children. No actual childcare as such as they’d be in bed by the time I got there, but i’d be responsible and in the house on my own for several hours in the evening. Also used to spend whole days alone, or rather with friends mostly, in school holidays. At 13 you should be able to look after yourself.

dreichuplands · 19/02/2019 18:28

We are in a US state, the rules vary state to state. People use babysitters a lot.

Rubusfruticosus · 19/02/2019 18:28

Did I say he is only 13 and 1month and an only child so no other person here. My dc is not 13 for a few months and an only child also.

dreichuplands · 19/02/2019 18:29

The collect dc from school, there are also lots of camps and after school clubs for all age groups.

BlueSlipperSocks · 19/02/2019 18:32

Its usual here for first years at secondary school to take the bus into town to meet their mates, go swimming, shopping, cinema, football etc and are out all day on weekends and school holidays.

I took the view that if they can look after themselves all day, whilst out, they can look after themselves, at home, when I'm in work.

My dc have all been left at home from the age of 11 when I'm at work. They are allowed one friend over if they want. I have come home at lunchtime to check on them when first left. They were usually, still in bed at lunchtime. I left them food to heat up in the microwave.

They've been fine.

My 10 year old goes to his nans while I'm in work at the moment, unless his 18 year old sister is home with no plans to go out. But he spends a large amount of time out with his mates on weekends so once he starts secondary school he will be left home too. His nan is only 10 mins away if he needs her at any time.

dreichuplands · 19/02/2019 18:33

Looking online they do as a pp said also have the same rule in NZ about not leaving DC under 14 alone.

RedSkyLastNight · 19/02/2019 18:33

As you've seen from the replies lots of people are leaving DC all day from starting secondary school (or earlier) so 13 and 1 month is really not too young!
How much freedom does he get in other areas of his life? My DC spend their free time meeting up with friends in town or going to the cinema, or just hanging out in the park! I can't imagine they would be too impressed at spending the days with their grandparents (obviously different if he actively wants to do this and its not just for childcare). Does he ever use public transport on his ownor cook a meal on his own?

Daddylonglegs1965 · 19/02/2019 18:37

I am fortunate I can go home at lunch time as I work very close to home so I go home for lunch and it breaks the day up for them and reassures me they are ok haven’t trashed the house or let the dog out. 9-5 on your own (with just gadgets and tv for company could be a long boring day on own at just turned 13 especially if it was for several days on the trot. It’s a bit different if they are getting out and about with friends for a couple of hours, an activity or they have a family member they can visit if they get bored living a few streets away. But probably by the summer they would be fine. But it really depends on the child and how comfortable you feel leaving them maybe build this up gradually.

Original poster
redwinelove · 19/02/2019 18:43

I'm sorry I'm rubbish at replying to individual posts.
We live in a village so when he does go out with friends it's mostly to each other houses. He has a phone so I know where he is.
He has never used public transport on his own. He has cooked a bit and does like to bake. During the holidays he makes his own breakfast.
It's just never been an issue really.

He does have a key to come in from school if I'm late from work. But that would just be an hour or so and maybe once every few weeks.

I would be happy to leave him longer but I just can't seem to pluck up the courage. 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
elliejjtiny · 19/02/2019 18:44

Dc1 is 12.5 and I have left him home alone for up to an hour. Once a week he walks home from school which is about 2 miles so he is on his own outside the house for about 45 mins. He has asd though so not sure if things would be different if he didn't.

Janethevirgo · 19/02/2019 18:47

All day for work since starting high school.
No other person here as dh dead.

Bobbycat121 · 19/02/2019 18:50

kids are getting the bus from 11 on there own where i am in london. my mum use to leave us alone from primary school age

Katterinaballerina · 19/02/2019 18:55

5 hours at least.

Mummadeeze · 19/02/2019 18:56

I have a 10 year old so can’t comment but my DD’s friend’s Mum said she was going to leave her DS (who is also 10 and in Yr 5) on his own every day for the whole of half term and I was really shocked. The most I have left my DD for is 5 mins when I popped to the very local shop. I just felt really sorry for him because it will be so lonely and boring apart from anything else :(

ittakes2 · 19/02/2019 19:00

yes sorry unless he has some SEN needs he could stay for longer by himself. Just call him if you are worried during that period - tell him he always has to answer the phone immediately when you are out if he wants to be allowed to stay by himself.

EvaHarknessRose · 19/02/2019 19:03

It’s just practice, getting used to leaving them. And its good, because they get used to dealing with things, like forgetting keys, answering the door (or not), cooking meals. I must admit I feel happier leaving them together, so I understand your reticence. And I don’t like leaving them in the evening for long, even if we are close.

minionsrule · 19/02/2019 19:07

My ds is 13 and 8 months, in year 9. I will happily leave him for a couple of hours if he doesn't want to be dragged round the shops, 2 days a week he has 2 hours after school on his own.
This week he is going to have a full day at home as dh and i are both working, his choice, we could work round it but he wants a day on his own Confused, he will cope with it better than me lol.
He is very very trustworthy mind.

cptartapp · 19/02/2019 19:12

DS2 is 13. He was left for 4-5 hours this morning, 2-3 hours is done regularly after school once a week. I wouldn't feel happy leaving him a full working day if I didn't absolutely have to as we live semi rurally, open fields to four sides with only one neighbour who works full time, no family in the county to call on and me and DH at work 30 mins away.

JockTamsonsBairns · 19/02/2019 19:18

During the holidays he makes his own breakfast

Who makes his breakfast in term time?? Shock

HotpotLawyer · 19/02/2019 19:20

At 13?

All day, and cook his own lunch.

Probably go round to a friends or have a friend round.

No worries at all.

Original poster
redwinelove · 19/02/2019 19:20

I think maybe because we are quite out the way here it just seems the easiest option to just take him.
But he is very adamant he can be left for longer.
I am one of four, all older so was never an issue being left alone.

Partner was left when he was younger. We're talking 30 odd years ago!

OP posts:
MissSmithToYou · 19/02/2019 19:21

@3greatkids then you need reporting for leaving a 13 year old overnight. How stupid can you get?

My youngest is 13 this year. I leave him for a couple of hours maximum if I need to. I certainly wouldn't leave him all day long and I don't think it's 'usual.' Maybe on mumsnet but not in real life.

I'm not over protective - I have a 20 year old at uni. But I strongly believe in parenting properly and , for me, that means being around for a young teen

HotpotLawyer · 19/02/2019 19:22

OP, you need to get him using public transport, and being a bit more self sufficient.

The more he does the more capable he will be. It is good for his initiative and resilience.

Is he in Scouts?

PetuliaBlavatsky · 19/02/2019 19:24

My DD is 12.5 and is spending her half term on her own because I'm in work - I get back at lunchtime so she's left for half a day. No issue at all.

WhiteDust · 19/02/2019 19:25

It depends on many things.
Do you live near to other people? Does you/your son have friends/family nearby? Is your house within easy reach of public transport/town OR will he be isolated for 8 hrs when you are at work?
DH and I are our DC's taxi service. If we were to leave one of them on their own all day they are stuck in. No friends, transport, family close.
It makes a difference so we don't do it.

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