AIBU or is this the most romantic proposal ever! (Not)

[GirlOnIt]

Background: we've discussed marriage and all that. Dp had a proposal planned but we've been struggling a bit with adapting to life as parents so I said for him not to ask.

Cue today. Ds isn't well, he's been feeding on and off all day and hasn't slept at all. Dp came home early from work to take over and managed to get him to take some expressed milk and fall asleep, yay

I got a bath while Dp was settling Ds and when I got out he said he'd go get us a McD's, so we could eat and rest before Ds woke again. Not really sure what came over me but I burst into tears and in the midst of comforting me he said "god I love you so fucking much, please marry me". Stood in the kitchen, me with wet hair and wearing one of his t-shirts and not in a cute rom com way, I look a mess.
I mean it's romance novel stuff right? (If I say yes).

I suppose congrats, although the way he's been behaving lately, the abuse, the stepping out and leaving you alone with the baby and only wanting to stay in if it meant sex, when told no leaving again, the swearing at your friends in an aggressive way when they stayed over, it seems to be a band aid over the cracks that have been pretty large and lead you to make him leave home for a while.

Think it though thoroughly. He has shown you who he is.

I get what you're saying @bethy15. And those points make him sound horrible. But as I said on my other posts he's never been like that before and we've talked through things and I get why he's been struggling. I'm looking at our relationship overall and those are the only times he's let me down. I could write a long list of times he's been amazing.

That said.......his recent behaviour is partly the reason why I'm not rushing for us to marry and he knows if he behaves like that again it's over and not just the engagement. A ring doesn't actually mean anything in terms of commitment and we're thinking of next September/October to actually marry so more than a year away. Plus as I've read on here a fair bit, marriage would actually give me more protection as he's the higher earner.

It sounds really sweet, although I'm a bit puzzled by the last post?

I wouldn't just marry him for the financial reason. If I don't think we're in a good place when it comes to it, I wouldn't marry him.

I'll have been back at work a year by the wedding too, so I'll have seen if he sticks to the working arrangements around childcare that we've discussed and all that.

I cried reading that. Perfect and real.

Congratulations!

Congratulations. Amidst all the staged fancy expensive proposals that seem to be far too commonplace these days, a real and genuine one.

Congratulations on your engagement! Honestly much like a wedding, the proposal doesn’t make a lick of difference to your life as a married couple.

My first husband went all out with picking a ring in secret, showing my family, asking dads permission, chose Valentine’s Day, did it in public etc which some people love, I wasn’t that into it. I’m certain the first words out of my mouth after he asked was “you’re an idiot”.

Second marriage we were sitting on the couch and were kind of like “why don’t we just get married and have babies then?” And next thing you know he’s foraging in my jewellery box for a place marking ring. We picked a ring together and got married 4 months later. So far so good. We just disagree on who started the conversation in terms of who actually “proposed” lol

Oh OP. Be careful. A proposal doesn't make up for how badly he has behaved towards you over the past few months.

I would just say, his behaviour was shocking, especially the leaving you alone and you asked him to stay, he tried it on for sex and you said no, just to stay in and he put his coat back on and left.

He was also verbally abusive towards you and your friends just a couple of weeks ago.

This seems to be a band aid of a proposal, and he's using the elation you and your family (who were appalled by him) to cover the cracks he's created.

I don't know, as a lot of people said in your other post when you asked about a proposal, it doesn't seem like the best time if one came, and look, here one is just after he was an ass yet again.

He has a real jealousy issue. With your baby and with your friends, so much so you said it's best if you never have a friend stay again.

At least you say you have your eyes open.

Congratulations. I think that it came straight from the heart so is as romantic as it gets. 🍾🥂🎉

I really don't think he's done it or said it as a band aid @bethy15.
It's difficult to express on here as it's obviously only a snapshot of our relationship and only my side of it. But we've talked a lot and I'm not excusing his behaviour but I understand. We've had a lot on, buying our first house which was a complete wreak fixer upper, a promotion at work which brought more money but more responsibility for him, a new baby and unknown to me at the time of the other stuff, Dp's dad is quite unwell and Dp has been supporting him with that.

I love it. Congratulations.

My chap proposed while I was slouched on the sofa watching telly. We’d been out earlier in the day for a walk in a beautiful location which would have been a lovely proposal setting!
I don’t mind. I love him and want to marry him and we’d already got the ring together the previous weekend, so it wasn’t a surprise.

Love it, real and down to earth as it gets.

I asked my DP in the car going to do grocery shopping, he knew I was in a funny mood over the day or 2 before (cos was deciding how and when) and when in the car, he asked was there something I wanted to talk about, (he thought he was about to get dumped), so I asked him and in shock he said No, followed by I mean yes, yes, triple yes. I love you, I've been building myself up to ask you as well,

So he asked me and I said yes, we went in and chose 2 rings in Argos (big spenders) and haven't got around to the wedding yet as had a date booked in the past and had to put off with 6 months to go as we were both very ill and when it came to the date, we were actually both in hospital (same hospital different wards) due to conditions.

We are in it for the long term and while we don't live together, we have our plans further the line and when we do marry it will be very simple and quick, registry office and then go for coffee afterwards and home

Congratulations OP

Congratulations, he is definitely a keeper.

I think it is really romantic, definitely from the heart and you should have McDonalds every year on 18th Feb.

It's beautiful. I have a little tear. Congratulations 🎉

Oh no @smurfy2015 sorry to hear you missed your wedding because of illness. I'm sure it will be lovely and perfect when you do get round to it.
I actually quite sad I know know where I'd like to get married. Although did a online quote and it's coming up at £21,000 that's without added extras, so I'm re thinking that. We're going to a open day next weekend. I only actually want quite a small intimate wedding but more people to the evening do, but to get that where I want I have to do midweek low season and even then I can't have exactly what I want. And I think it's too far to ask people to go for just the evening if it's midweek. It's pretty complicated business this wedding stuff and I really don't want anything huge or traditional.

This sounds like perfection to me!

Dp's idea for a McD's wedding is becoming more attractive the more I look at prices. Wonder if my dad who's never paid a penny of maintenance or bought me a single item of clothing wants to do good and follow the tradition of paying for his daughters wedding. I think I've got more chance of winning the lottery and I don't even play 😂
Not that I'd take the waste of spaces money anyway, he's still got young kids he should be supporting and isn't!!

I really don't think he's done it or said it as a band aid @bethy15.

The way he verbally abused you and your friends the other week, I don't think it can be counted out. Instead of worrying about that he now has you exploring wedding venues, pretty much job done, that's in the past, even though it just happened.

I know a lot of people said avoid a proposal when it was just his awful behaviour of leaving you, before any of that verbal abuse even happened to you and your friends.

But I wish you all the best in life.

Its not forgotten @bethy15. But the only way I'm going to know of that behaviour was a one of born of circumstances or who he reall is, is with time. So for now I've forgiven him and I want us to move on and not keep going over it.
He's being a lot more open about what he's thinking and feeling and being far more decisive where Ds is concerned. He's started taking him swimming and had got him taking a bottle of expressed milk. We've been making a effort to talk and spend time together. I love him and I believe he loves me and Ds and he does make me very happy when he's not being a stupid dickhead.

My mums still not very happy with him, but she's happy for me and she acknowledges that he deserves a second chance considering how great he's been up until recent. As are do my friends, I met two of them yesterday afternoon for a late lunch and a few cocktails.

My fathers proposal to my mother was about as unromantic as it gets , he asked her "would you like to be buried with my people?"

Congratulations!!!