Godparenting

[gemstone1802]

My husband has a friend from high school who is married and had a child. I married my DH 2 years ago and we see these friends of my husband's fairly regularly. They do live several hours drive away though, so every couple of months rather than weekly. However, I would genuinely consider them now to be friends of mine too.

DH received a message asking if we could go to the child's Christening and of course we said yes. Booked a hotel etc. DH then received a message saying we had a special role to play, sent a picture of a Godparent handbook etc. However, it transpires that only DH is to be the Godparent, not both of us.

AIBU to be surprised at this considering we are a married couple? I'm fully prepared to be told yes AIBU because I have quite a close knit group of friends and for godparents not to be both people in a married couple is unheard of, but I only have limited experience.

I just feel a bit deflated as it's me who's put all the effort into Christmas presents etc etc - DH wouldn't bother! I might be being overly sensitive as we are TTC but struggling so I get that I may be taking this too personally.

I thought the traditional thing would be to have a godparent from each side of the family .. in our case dh’s brother is godfather to our son and my sister is his godmother.

Or a friend from each side if not choosing family members..

YABU. I know loads of people who are godparents and their signing others aren't. It's normal.

Sorry but think YABU. Usually each parent chooses a godparent. In my family all 3 kids have an aunt from one side and an uncle from the other side, so my mum's brother and dad's sister are mine for example. I can't think of ever having heard of a couple doing the duties in our church

Absolutely totally normal to have godparents from other sides of the family. Also very normal to have couples. Different strokes for different folks!!!

You shouldn't be upset as there's definitely no unwritten rule godparents come as a couple!!!!

I do think it's usual to choose two separate, unrelated godparents.

I've never known it be a couple, though obviously your experience is otherwise. I really would try not to take it as a snub - it wouldn't occur to me that anyone would be upset by this, and I'm sure that is the same for your friends.

Everyone does things differently - Lola has also described something that is contrary to my immediate family, though I know friends who have godparents from within the family.

What I'm trying to say is, there is no right or wrong way, so please try not to feel upset or slighted.

I’ve never heard of a couple being appointed god parents to the same child. But I know quite few instances of parents chosing one friend for the first child and then the friend’s partner for the second.
Best wishes with ttc

I'm surprised you expected to be godparent tbh. I don't think your marriage has anything to do with it, they've asked an old friend to be godparent.

I’ve never known godparents to be a couple. But my experience is limited too!

I don't know any situations where the godparents are a couple. I always assumed - somewhat morbidly - that this was generally because if something happened to a couple and only one of them was a godparent, there'd still be one left for the child. Whereas if the couple were the child's godparents and they both died, the child would be left with none.

YABU I'm afraid. It's usually one godparent from the mum's side and one from the dad's side (family or friends). I don't know any godparents who are a married couple.

I think you’re being over sensitive. My DCs have unrelated godparents on both sides. It means they have two sets. The partners are considered godparents too and are in everything apart from the church documents.

My DC have two godparents each. All 4 of them are married and it never occurred to us to ask any of their spouses to also be a godparent. It's a relationship between the child and the individual adult.

It's more normal for individuals rather than couples to be asked, if only to maximise the present giving potential in my somewhat cynical experience

I’ve never heard of a couple being godparents to the same child and I’ve been to a lot of christenings

YABU, its close friends if you and DH split up they would take his side and probably wouldn't speak to you again?! Its different when its family for example my SIL and her Husband of many years are our DD godparents! But id never have a friend and his wife thats just strange....

Fair enough, I accept IABU then. It's just different to my circle of friends back home. The child is having 4 godparents, which I also thought was unusual, as DH is the only one from the father's side, but it sounds like different families have different arrangements.

My godparents are two different friends of parents, not married, it's not unusual

Sorry, but YAB a bit U. Godparents are almost always not related to each other. I think the tradition was that if the baby is a boy, there are 2 godfathers and one godmother, and vice versa if it's a girl. Usually they would be from 3 different families.

i'll tell what i think is off-that they TOLD your dh he was godparent.
they should have asked not told. being a godparent SHOULD be a responsibility that you want-the role is to assist the parents in ensuring their child grows up a christian.
if the baby is a boy he should have one godmother and two godfathers and the opposite for a girl.

Hopefully they have chosen people who will fulfill that role properly.

I've 3 god children their mums are my closet friends my DH is not their godfather, my DH has 3 god children their fathers are his close friends I'm not their godmother. We are due our first DC next month and god parents are likely to be my best friend, DH sister and others TBC but unlikely to be the partners of the former.

It is normal and thinking back we did ask just one of each couple to be godparents to our dc. Having said that I was really quite upset when ‘we’ were asked to be godparents to DN and it later transpired it was DH rather than I who was chosen.

I would still treat the child as a joint gc and remember them and take an interest. Unfortunately it is just the way it’s done. One of the gf we chose took literally no interest at all and that’s really sad.

My DD has a married couple as her godparents plus my best friend. We didn’t choose them as they were married though, I chose her as she’d been such a support to me during my pregnancy and the first few months of DD’s life and exh chose him as he had been his friend for years.

I think it’s rare though, it’s not often I hear of couples being chosen.

I am not Christened anyway, but I've always thought Godparents are supposed to be people you would like influencing your child's life but also as someone to call on should anything happen to you.

I've never understood why you would pick your own sibling, who would be involved anyway. Likewise why put all your eggs in one basket by picking two people from a couple, spread it out and get two couples involved by using the one that you knew first (after all, they might be your friends now, but it is DP that links you).

So yes, it seems that different people just see different ways as being what's normal to them. No need to be offended, even if you might be disappointed.