Godparenting

[gemstone1802]

My husband has a friend from high school who is married and had a child. I married my DH 2 years ago and we see these friends of my husband's fairly regularly. They do live several hours drive away though, so every couple of months rather than weekly. However, I would genuinely consider them now to be friends of mine too.

DH received a message asking if we could go to the child's Christening and of course we said yes. Booked a hotel etc. DH then received a message saying we had a special role to play, sent a picture of a Godparent handbook etc. However, it transpires that only DH is to be the Godparent, not both of us.

AIBU to be surprised at this considering we are a married couple? I'm fully prepared to be told yes AIBU because I have quite a close knit group of friends and for godparents not to be both people in a married couple is unheard of, but I only have limited experience.

I just feel a bit deflated as it's me who's put all the effort into Christmas presents etc etc - DH wouldn't bother! I might be being overly sensitive as we are TTC but struggling so I get that I may be taking this too personally.

Stop sorting presents, let DH do it.

YANBU to be sad.

My husband and I have both been asked to be godparents to same child. However both our best friends we’ve know for 20 years separately met at our wedding and subsequently got married and had our beautiful god daughter. I would expect to be a god parent if was just dh friend.

My DCs godparents are not married (well each godparent is married but to another godparent...). My own godparents were not married either. DH and I are godparents, but not to the same child.

My DH's godparents are a couple, I sort of assumed this was normal. He also has a goddaughter but in that scenario I wouldn't have expected to be her godmother as I am not religious. I thought it was a religious thing rather than a 'who bought the Christmas presents' thing.

One of my kids have couples as god parents - all are married but none of them to each other !!

If you are looking to the correct etiquette, then look to the Royals - a bit of C&P -

The names of Prince George's seven godparents have been announced ahead of his christening later. They are Oliver Baker, Emilia Jardine-Paterson, Earl Grosvenor, Jamie Lowther-Pinkerton, Julia Samuel, William van Cutsem and Zara Tindall

I don't see any spouses included .

It's a bit odd that they messaged to tell him rather than calling or meeting in person to ask. I wouldn't take it to heart, I'm sure they appreciate you being in their child's life and you can still be a positive influence and care about them. My DP is godfather to his best friend's son and I'm not a godparent. I think if you ask one person in a long term couple to be a godparent, to an extent, it's sort of implied the other half of the couple will also be an influence in the baby's life.

I don’t think it’s routine for a couple to both be godparents. I’ve had an idle think about who I would choose to be guideparents to my kids and while I have a male friend and a female friend in mind, it never occurred to me to choose their spouses. It’s nothing personal as I like both spouses enormously, it’s just a case of choosing the people who are especially important to me and DH, rather than a spouse by default.

I have 3 DC, 6 Godparents. None are married couples. I wanted my friends, not their spouses who I hardly know.

I've never heard of asking a couple I'm afraid yabu. My daughters have two godmothers and one godfather each. All separate

Glad you have acknowledged that you ABU.
It really is most common for one half of a couple to be Godparents.
I have 3 God children, - dh isn't Godfather to any of them. I am not Godmother to his dGodc.
I can't think of any Christening I've been to where 2 halves of a couple have been Godparents in fact.

I don't think you should have expected to be a godparent, but I think they should have been a little less ambiguous in how they approached your husband so as to avoid the confusion.

I find the strangest thing is that they told DH rather than asked him. It's not a one-day starring part, it's a lifetime commitment.

I also think couples are more unusual than not. Can’t think of any christenings I’ve been to where couples were chosen - apart from my own godchildren’s as DH & I are their only gp. But then the vicar remarked on it being unusual.

You can still have a significant role in the child’s life, I’m sure. Don’t let this determine that. I know plenty of people with godparents they never see; there are some my mil picked for her sons she says she wishes she hadn’t as they were never involved after the christening. Don’t see it as a snub I’m sure it wasn’t meant that way.

He is the close friend so he is the one they want tied to their child.
My D.H. has a friend since they were 11. Best friends even now that they live 4 hours apart they are still just as close.

I love them both. I've spent time alone with them when he had to go to work and am completely comfortable around them.

But I know that if we were to divorce tomorrow that I would probably never have much contact with them again.

In my experience children have 3 godparents (2 women and a man for a girl and 2 men and a woman for a boy)
These people are never from the child’s immediate family as they already play a special part in the child’s life
Of my own 2 lads 1 has 3 godparents that are not connected and number 2 we broke the rules for and he has two couples that are very good friends of ours.
I have 3 god children 2 of my own and 1 which we share
So as you can see it’s a real mix
If I was you I would be a little bit sad not to be asked but it doesn’t mean that you can’t treat the baby as someone a little bit more special than just a friends baby.
My first godson (just mine) who is actually getting married this year treats my husband as if he is his godfather and they have a really special relationship which is great especially as his own dad is such a twat !

I didn't realise it was a thing that godparents had to be a couple?

We chose from either side of family/friends so it was balanced with myself and DH

Sounds a bit last minute if you were invited to the christening and only then DH found out he was a godparent

I have 3 God Children my husband isn’t their God Father, he has 1 God Child and I am not the God Mother. I don’t know anyone who has a couple as God Parents. So I think your situation is completely normal x

My god parents are a couple and I will have 2 couples as my DS god parents and my best friend. I think it's just the parents personal preference and maybe as you are their friend through your hubby they have someone else in mind. I would try not to be offended they won't mean to upset you.

Hmm... I think it is unreasonable to inform someone they are going to be the godparent rather than ask them and give them time to make the decision. It is a big and very important commitment that should be taken seriously.

There is no rule at all. Non of my or my brothers are couples and my nephews and nieces aren't either. We chose one couple and one Singleton (my bro and his wife and DH sis). My sil did have a partner who she wasn't married to at the time but he isn't religious whereas my bros wife is. Also I didn't want 4 as I was brought up being told you had three, two women and a man for a boy and two men and a woman for a girl. My mum could well have made this up though 😂 and we ignored it as have both ds and dd the same 3 😀

YVBU IME people rarely If ever automatically get chosen for Godmother because they are married to the chosen Godfather unless the family have deliberately chosen an aunt and uncle

YABU
I’ve never heard of anyone being chosen because they’re part of a couple. I’m a Godparent but it never even crossed my mind that they’d ask DH.

I have actually lost count of how many Godchildren I have DH and I share only one.

Later than same evening...

It's eight.

Definitely being unreasonable. I know a few who are couples but mainly individuals. All my children's godparents are individuals (and they all have four each, two men and two women).