Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Visitor's access to your fridge

120 replies

Magnificentbeast · 18/02/2019 15:52

This one is on the light-hearted side. I am curious.

Do the friends' of your DCs have 'free' access to your fridge/food? My DC had a friend over recently who declared that 'her' fridge is an open house to anyone who comes to her house. At the same time implying that this should be the case in all houses. She's 10. This was the first time she had been to our house.

I'm not really sure why but I didn't feel comfortable with this idea. I also wouldn't like the idea of my DC (they wouldn't) to go to a friend's house and help themselves to the contents of the fridge.

I'm not sure if it makes a difference but this particular friend has a health condition which requires her to have a restricted diet. I gave her lunch as directed by her mother but no guidance on snacks. She said that her DC knows what she can eat. She was hungry again later so I ran through which snacks we had in so that she could tell me what she could eat. This involved her having a nose through our fridge and cupboards. This isn't my AIBU as there was a 'consultation' going on. It's more the idea that anyone's fridge is an open-house.

I then started to wonder if I'm BU about it.

OP posts:
babysharkah · 18/02/2019 16:30

No its just rude! My kids can't rifle through the fridge and I would never dream of going in someone else's fridge unless for wine at a party

I'm not protective about food and I'm not particularly on a budget, i would offer loads of food but no you cant go through my fridge!!

chocatoo · 18/02/2019 16:31

I would expect to be asked. The answer would invariably be 'yes of course' but I like to be asked!

AryaStarkWolf · 18/02/2019 16:31

Well mine are adults/teens now and they still check with me that...

A.) Lunch or dinner isn't imminent

B.) What they want to eat isn't part of a planned meal

C.) If there's chocolate or something in the fridge, it doesn't belong to someone else.

It's just consideration really. I was brought up the same way.

Mine are teenagers too and they would be the same. And I'm Irish aswell

Armi · 18/02/2019 16:36

I’m confused. How can you allow kids/visitors free and unlimited access to the fridge and still know you will have enough food to make meals etc? I live rurally and would be fucked off to high heaven if some passing kid had eaten stuff I’d bought for dinner, necessitating another 25 minute (each way) trip to the nearest supermarket for replacements.

StroppyWoman · 18/02/2019 16:38

sirfred
My kids are 19, 17, 13 and still ask if it's OK before they help themselves to stuff. It's just polite - it may be needed for a recipe that week or for (god help us) Food Tech at school; it might be bought for a packed lunch outing, or I might be on the verge of serving everyone dinner.

Frequently the answer is "help yourself" or "there's plenty of fruit" but I still think it's only reasonable for them to check. Even DP and I check with each other that something isn't for a particular purpose.

I check when at my parents' house for the same reason.

This weekend the lads did a There And Snack Again tweetalong having 29 courses of food that matched the onscreen meals of Lord of the Rings (it was a crazy weekend!). They had to be fridge monitors to ensure the very specific foods didn't get used up ahead of time. Poor DD had an apple (second breakfast) grabbed from her and replaced with a banana. There are no bananas in Middle Earth Wink

lostvoice · 18/02/2019 16:39

I had a friend where there rule applied in their house

After them insisting several times every visit I did start helping myself, but I would still offer to get everyone else anything too and would never help myself in anyone's else house

Loopytiles · 18/02/2019 16:42

My parents encouraged fridge/cupboard access to visiting friends when we were teens. This was regarded as unusual amongst my/siblings’ friends. In my parents’ case they hadn’t been given very much food growing up, or been able to have friends over for various reasons,and wanted our friends to feel welcome.

schnubbins · 18/02/2019 16:44

I'm Irish and live in Germany.My late teen D's help themselves to whats in the fridge which is usually well stocked.There is always a certain amount of 'usual' stuff that is always there to be eaten between meals or if I am not around.They also cook a lot themselves and there is always 'a name in the pot ' for any friend of theirs that may want to eat with us when we sit down.I have fed half the nation at this stage and love doing it but absolutely do not approve of any of the visiting kids going to my fridge or cupboard and taking without asking .I have also had quite a few of my kids friend try this and I just don't like it!its just so rude.

Lovemusic33 · 18/02/2019 16:45

My kids are teens, eldest has friends over and they help themselves to things likes crisps and biscuits but usually dd asks them if they would like something, they don’t just go and rummage through the cupboards and fridge.

Toooldtocareanymore · 18/02/2019 16:46

No, really ? you believe a 10 year old, I've actually never come across a kid so comfortable they would help themselves, and my eldest has had the same friends visiting our house for over 8 years, recently had one late teen friend staying overnight who woke at 7 am and was sitting patiently sipping water in kitchen when I got up and asked was that ok, I practically had to wrestle her to look in larder cupboard at what cereals, bread etc we had to see if any she liked. I have had the younger ones stage a whispered conversation behind a door of does your mum allow sweets ? do you have any? are we allowed have treats in the garden etc.

lyralalala · 18/02/2019 16:47

We each have a treat box so the only unlimited access the kids have is to that. If they want to share with friends that's up to them, and they don't have to ask with that. If they want anything else they have to ask as generally if there are extra snack things they've been bought for a reason.

DS(9) isn't allowed free reign to his treats when he has friends in as one of his friends has a serious allergy so they must ask.

They are allowed free access to drinks - water, milk or diluting juice.

Sindragosan · 18/02/2019 16:49

Adult visitors, yes, not children. I'd normally point out where fruit/bread/snacks are to adults and let them know they can help themselves, but even then they'd generally ask is it ok if I have something if they get hungry between meals or in the evening.

Cla9 · 18/02/2019 16:49

No. I don’t let DS help himself unless it’s fruit.
He’s only had a friend round once and they brought their own snacks!

Jellylegss · 18/02/2019 16:49

I’ve been to a few houses when I was younger.. but like 13-18 where parents told us to help ourselves.. but I still asked it’s manners.

Christ I’m 27 and still ask my own mum what I can have if I’m at her house, there’s no need to ask at my grans.. she will force feed you the contents of the cabinets if you look remotely peckish so you never need to go looking for a snack. I’d hate to be the parent of or person that ate half of someone’s planned meal, it’s a big enough pain when you forget something never mind having already bought it.

woolduvet · 18/02/2019 16:49

Ask mum to check, via what's app obviously!

anitagreen · 18/02/2019 16:50

When I grew up you knew who your close friends was who just popped in, turned the kettle on made yourself and themselves tea and had a look through the cupboard,
Now I have my own house and I've not got as close friends I couldn't think of anything worse and I hate my kids randomly going in the fridge and other people doing it Confused

oohyoudevilyou · 18/02/2019 16:54

My teenagers have free access to the fruit bowl and biscuit tin. Fruit bowl is never emptied but the biscuit tin only lasts a couple of days. They are not at liberty to top the biscuit tin up from the cupboard, so when it's empty, it's empty. And if i choose to top it up with value Digestives rather than the Fox's creams, it's tough. I used to let them make toast or sandwiches whenever they liked too, but on a few occasions DS gobbled down several slices of toast and cheese between meals which left me with nothing for packed lunches, so now he has to ask (I never say no, but it keeps me aware of stock levels!)

Cel982 · 18/02/2019 16:54

Restricted diet where a 10yo can reliably & safely manage their own snacks?
Wow!

I don't think this aspect of it is impossible. I know a kid of the same age who has had a very restricted diet from birth due to PKU. He knows exactly what he can and can't eat and the consequences of deviating from this, and he's utterly reliable around food.

NaturalBornWoman · 18/02/2019 16:56

All the people who don't restrict access, do your children just naturally regulate their intake or don't you care how many snacks they eat and what type? I didn't even have unrestricted access to the fruit bowl when mine were young, let alone yogurts and snacks. Children don't always know what's good for them and they aren't always actually hungry when they ask for something. Surely it takes an adult to guide those things? Not to mention planning, and having to go back to the shops.

stuffedpeppers · 18/02/2019 16:59

Free and open fridge since DC was about 7 and could reach everything!

Guests - go for it but they are all warned woe betide them if they use the last tea bag, drink the last diet coke and leave me with no gherkins!!

Other than that - go for it.

lyralalala · 18/02/2019 17:01

All the people who don't restrict access, do your children just naturally regulate their intake or don't you care how many snacks they eat and what type?

Slightly different as mine have free access to treat boxes (we each have one - has a mix of things, roughly equivilant to one thing per day), but I've actually found that since having free access they eat/want much less.

Particularly because I have 6 kids I find that they now only snack when they are hungry. Rather than if one asks for a bag of crisps, or even fruit. There's not that "he's having one so I want one" anymore.

MumW · 18/02/2019 17:06

I'm happy for them to help themselves so long as they check first.

Original poster
Magnificentbeast · 18/02/2019 17:06

@Justmuddlingalong I think you've hit the nail on the head. I later mentioned to her mum about suitable snacks so I could be prepared if there is a next time but she said she's trying to not let her snack to help her with her issues. Her mother did very kindly send some homemade cake using suitable ingredients along with her but she still told my DH she was hungry.

I understand there are times when helping yourself is appropriate which is sort of why I wondered if I was being uptight.

OP posts:
blueskiesovertheforest · 18/02/2019 17:07

My own DC have free access if I'm not home but would ask before eating crisps or biscuits - this isn't exactly an explicit rule, but they WhatsApp messenger at work to ask about the junk but not bread/ fillings/ fruit/ yogurt/ cereal/ "meal" food (though only DD bothers cooking just for herself).

If I'm home they always ask except for fruit (actually the youngest does ask for bananas after an unfortunate phase of eating too many and suffering for it...)

I would be shocked if a guest helped themselves and more so if I heard one of my children had helped themselves in someone else's house.

The convention is guest asks child they're visiting. We've had lots and lots of children in the house over the years, some very frequently, and one who sleeps here at least once per week and with all of them this has always been automatic.

Original poster
Magnificentbeast · 18/02/2019 17:08

I would usually get snacks in especially but it was difficult with the dietary restrictions and we had the cake her mum sent.

I also didn't want my dc sitting there eating stuff she couldn't. Seemed unfair.

OP posts: