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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Visitor's access to your fridge

120 replies

Magnificentbeast · 18/02/2019 15:52

This one is on the light-hearted side. I am curious.

Do the friends' of your DCs have 'free' access to your fridge/food? My DC had a friend over recently who declared that 'her' fridge is an open house to anyone who comes to her house. At the same time implying that this should be the case in all houses. She's 10. This was the first time she had been to our house.

I'm not really sure why but I didn't feel comfortable with this idea. I also wouldn't like the idea of my DC (they wouldn't) to go to a friend's house and help themselves to the contents of the fridge.

I'm not sure if it makes a difference but this particular friend has a health condition which requires her to have a restricted diet. I gave her lunch as directed by her mother but no guidance on snacks. She said that her DC knows what she can eat. She was hungry again later so I ran through which snacks we had in so that she could tell me what she could eat. This involved her having a nose through our fridge and cupboards. This isn't my AIBU as there was a 'consultation' going on. It's more the idea that anyone's fridge is an open-house.

I then started to wonder if I'm BU about it.

OP posts:
User12879923378 · 18/02/2019 16:14

I wouldn't do that in anyone's house now apart from my own mum's and I'm 43!

User12879923378 · 18/02/2019 16:15

And actually despite not begrudging a guest anything I would be a bit Hmm if someone actually just started helping themselves to stuff out of my fridge or cupboard without asking.

I certainly would not have behaved that way at 10 either.

Yesicancancan · 18/02/2019 16:16

I buy what is needed to feed the family, very little snacks therefore unless you are cooking the family meal or making a cuppa no need to go in the fridge.

brassbrass · 18/02/2019 16:17

Which culture thinks it's ok to go rifling in someone else's fridge? I don't think it's strictly an English thing. I'm not English but it would have been equally rude in the culture I grew up in.

Ribbonsonabox · 18/02/2019 16:18

No! If I was fabulously wealthy then perhaps.... but I'm tightly budgeted. I'd have out some snacks for friends but I cant afford for them to rifle through my cupboards and fridge and eat things I've planned to use throughout the week.

Drogosnextwife · 18/02/2019 16:19

My dp brought a friend round one time as they were traveling to football together, he went into my kitchen and started helping himself to juice and snacks. I was gobsmacked. I would rather doe of thirst in someone's house than even ask for a drink 😂. I made sure I made him feel awkward about doing that.

Original poster
Magnificentbeast · 18/02/2019 16:20

Ah good, I felt it would be rude too. My own kids aren't allowed to help themselves let alone their friends. Although my little one does sometimes but she's a work in progressSmile.

I had already intervened when this friend asked my DC for her password for one of her computer games. She then quickly followed with "Do you use the same password for everything?" I was polite but I couldn't let that one go!

She isn't a shy girl and will answer back if you say that something isn't allowed. I mean I want dc's friends to enjoy themselves when they come over but not behave like they own the place! Confused

It turns out she has access to her mother's phone and sat there reading through WhatsApp conversations between me and her mother whilst her mother and I were sitting there.

Other than that she seems like a nice girl her poor mother

OP posts:
Drogosnextwife · 18/02/2019 16:20

He was a cocky little shit though, I could not stand him, thankfully I haven't clapped eyes on him for a couple of years long may it continue.

PopGoesTheWeaz · 18/02/2019 16:20

This is a serious bug bear of mine too. My DC's friends are so rude to me about food (I don't like pasta that isn't spirals. I don't eat apples unless they are totally red. I don't like home made pizza. Can we order from pizza hut?)

Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest. I'm sure my kids are horrible at other people's houses and they are all just trying it on to see what they can get away with.

I don't think kids under, say, 13 should be rummaging around the fridge. Mine have open access to the fruit bowl. If a friend is over and wants a snack then I will offer some options, and if none of those are too their liking then they wait for dinner (and I'll push this up if it looks like genuine hunger rather than just wanting to see what fun snacks they might get)

Gardai · 18/02/2019 16:20

I don’t mind if the kids take something from the fridge. I always tell guests to help themselves. I don’t have that much in it nor would I get stressed, I don’t consider it ‘rifling’ either.

sirfredfredgeorge · 18/02/2019 16:21

For the people who don't allow their children access to get their own food, at what age would you start - or would you never?

wink1970 · 18/02/2019 16:22

Yes ours is/was (the DC are grown up now). DSS used to wander in still does and raid the fridge, cupboards etc and now the grandkids help themselves (though it's usually just to fruit or cheese as my fridge is quite 'grown up' in its contents). They also have a drawer of the good naughty stuff like kitkats they can access, though they tend to ask. I think it helps them learn self control.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 18/02/2019 16:22

No I Meal plan and barely give DP access to the fridge; he knows to check with me.

Although we do have an old freezer in the garage that gets stocked with lollies in the summer which DS distributes to his gang regularly.

Undies1990 · 18/02/2019 16:22

Nope, no free reign for visitors. If I buy snacks for visitors, I will offer them and leave them out on the kitchen worktop. I wouldn't be ok with visitors of any age having free access to my fridge.

PopGoesTheWeaz · 18/02/2019 16:23

That said, I remember my parents were so very fond of one of my DB's best friends and they loved that he would come over and help himself to left overs in the fridge because a. they liked that he felt part of the family (his was a "broken home") b. they got a kick out of the cliche teenager with insatiable appetite cliche in action c. they are the least tight/most generous people I know (unfortunately do not have the income to support that attitude)

RiverTam · 18/02/2019 16:23

sirfred when she starts paying attention to the food shop! And stops asking for a snack an hour after lunch.

IncrediblySadToo · 18/02/2019 16:25

Ha ha. Little bugger. Say to her Mum, I’m looking forward to coming around to yours, your DD tells me you have an ‘open fridge policy at your house’ ...

AryaStarkWolf · 18/02/2019 16:27

For the people who don't allow their children access to get their own food, at what age would you start - or would you never?

Why do you have "allow" in italics? Are you saying that it's a bad thing? Obviously younger kids need to be taught to eat properly and not over indulge in stuff that might not be good for them, don't you think?

BlueMerchant · 18/02/2019 16:27

I didn't used to mind too much until I found my son's friend sitting with a pile of sweet wrappers in my kitchen. He had eaten the whole packet of chocolate bars out of our cupboard. How rude! He thought I had an angry face as he hadn't put wrappers in the bin. No regard at all for all the chocolate bars. Also caught same friend with his face in my fridge eyeing up a dessert. Never allowed in my house again! I now offer other friends a snack but no helping themselves.

Nothinglefttochoose · 18/02/2019 16:27

This must be an English thing. At 10’id expect my kids to help themselves and their friends.

WorraLiberty · 18/02/2019 16:27

For the people who don't allow their children access to get their own food, at what age would you start - or would you never?

Well mine are adults/teens now and they still check with me that...

A.) Lunch or dinner isn't imminent

B.) What they want to eat isn't part of a planned meal

C.) If there's chocolate or something in the fridge, it doesn't belong to someone else.

It's just consideration really. I was brought up the same way.

Mrsbird311 · 18/02/2019 16:28

If it’s in the house, help yourself!!! Anyone can help themselves to whatever they want!! I also encourage people to make the teas and coffees so I don’t need to keep doing it!! Can’t stand people being protective about food !!

BlueMerchant · 18/02/2019 16:28

My own children can snack and help themselves but I do keep an eye and they ask if they want more than one of something.

WorraLiberty · 18/02/2019 16:28

And no it's not an 'English' thing.

My family are Irish.

They're just considerate, that's all.

Justmuddlingalong · 18/02/2019 16:30

If she has a restricted diet due to health issues, perhaps she's chancing her mit in the hope of getting restricted things at yours.