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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think there needs to be a word to describe sexual response from unwanted sexual contact?

69 replies

clairemcnam · 18/02/2019 00:00

First of all, this is not a personal thread, but a philosophical one.

It is well known that girls and women can get wet and orgasm during rape, just as boys and men can get erect during rape. But we have no words to describe sexual response from unwanted sexual contact.

Using the word orgasm or getting wet or erect sounds as if this rape or sexual contact is wanted, when it is not. And this I think increases the shame that people feel when it happens to them.

It would be good to have a separate word or phrase for this. It would mean we could more accurately describe what happened and this would hopefully help people understand that this is a reaction they have no control over. In the same way you can not help sneezing if you are irritated by pollen.

OP posts:
redandyellowandpinkandgreen99 · 18/02/2019 00:04
Confused

WTF have I just read?

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 18/02/2019 00:04

I can see the sense in it.

nocoolnamesleft · 18/02/2019 00:07

Involuntary physiological response.

Original poster
clairemcnam · 18/02/2019 00:08

nocoolnamesleft Yes that is what it is. But it is not a specific name for this happening with sexual contact.

OP posts:
MyBaa · 18/02/2019 00:10

I think you're sort of right OP....but a phrase such as "Involuntary erection" would suffice.

PickAChew · 18/02/2019 00:11

It's an involu tary response, just like a reflex. It doesn't imply enjoyment or consent.

MyBaa · 18/02/2019 00:11

Nocool has it...."Involuntary physiological response" Very good.

Original poster
clairemcnam · 18/02/2019 00:20

I don't think it is specific enough.

OP posts:
ShadyLady53 · 18/02/2019 00:23

Sad Could you please ask Mumsnet to edit your thread title to include Trigger Warning?

Original poster
clairemcnam · 18/02/2019 00:25

How would that help? Isn't it quite clear from the title what is being talked about?

OP posts:
Bambamber · 18/02/2019 00:25

Well how specific do you need to be?

Bobbycat121 · 18/02/2019 00:25

I think the title is pretty clear what its about surely?!

ShadyLady53 · 18/02/2019 00:28

It actually wasn’t clear to me and I became really upset when reading the level of detail in the opening post. I won’t be reading on now anyway, just didn’t want anyone else to have a similar reaction.

U2HasTheEdge · 18/02/2019 00:29

A trigger warning? Really?

I think an involuntary response is fine.

BrendaUrie · 18/02/2019 00:31

Why click on a thread that is obviously going to upset you from the title 🙄

Monty27 · 18/02/2019 00:33

Why are you invested in this scenario OP?
Personally I think you are talking bollox. Angry

Redcampions · 18/02/2019 00:39

In can see where you are coming from op. How we work stuff can have a massive effect. I know someone who had just had a D&C after a miscarriage and because of this was on a ward. A doctor walked up to her bed with a load of students and said to them “this lady has had an spontaneous abortion” which is the medical term but my friend dissolved into hysterics shouting she had not had an abortion it was a miscarriage. She only heard the word abortion

AGHHHH · 18/02/2019 00:40

Could you please ask Mumsnet to edit your thread title to include Trigger Warning?

Jesus christ it's obvious what it's about. Hmm

ashtrayheart · 18/02/2019 00:51

www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/reports/a9620593/sexual-assault-rape-lubrication-reaction-research/ I know it’s Cosmo...but this article is along the same lines of what OP is saying.

Hollowsofafternoons · 18/02/2019 01:22

I think the closest word I can think of is "arousal non-concordance"

StillCoughingandLaughing · 18/02/2019 01:25

I don't think it is specific enough.

Where is your suggestion?

Lovingbenidorm · 18/02/2019 01:33

I feel slightly queasy
And in need of a shower
Going to look for some pearls

Sureyouwill · 18/02/2019 01:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sureyouwill · 18/02/2019 01:47

FWIW I think more violent assaults don't result in arousal of any sort, but I don't think there is any study (that I've come across anyway) on that.

PlinkPlink · 18/02/2019 02:05

Fuck it... I'm gonna be brave... which I shouldn't be... I know what MN is like. Terrifying place sometimes.

I had this happen to me. I won't go into detail about my experience but it seriously fucked with my head and ultimately caused my mental breakdown.

It took two bouts of specialist rape and Sexual Abuse counselling to finally deal with it in my head.

It is horribly shameful. I cannot express the amount of shame it made me feel and consequent torment in my head. I battled with it for a very long time. I pushed it down and swept it under the carpet to not deal with it.

I would have done better had I known about it sooner, or it was talked about more openly. And shame on those who are trying to silence it with your insensitive comments This is not a comfortable subject matter, but hey ho, shit happens. It's better to be open and deal with it, to allow others to heal and realise actually this happens and there is no shame in it.

There should be no shame in a physiological response that you have no control over.

I agree there should be a word or description. Unwanted physiological response is too broad. Something more specific perhaps?

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