Do I have the right to keep my children from my husband?

[Cornish83]

Can I stop my husband having contact with our daughters if we separate?

Just after our daughters were born I discovered that my husband had sexually abused both his younger sisters over a long period of time which he admitted to after his sister mentioned it in an argument, she also claimed he has done it to her young daughter which he denied but said he did do it to his sisters.
I would have left him but I knew he would then be more of a risk to our daughters as he would have contact without me so I have stayed with him and made sure the children are always with me and he’s never alone with them, I really want to leave but fear he would get contact with my daughters alone and possibly over night and I wouldn’t be there to protect them.
His sisters would never testify in court about this as they have put it behind them and are close and would be on his side so I have no evidence of this other than that they told me and he admitted to it.
I feel like scooping them up and running but feel the law would be on his side and the girls are safer if I am here to with them and never leave them with him.
Do I have any rights to keep my children safe from him if I feel they’d be at risk with him? they’re only 1 and 3 so I couldn’t even ask them if he did anything.

@GregoryPeckingDuck
I'm not disputing that you should talk to children about things like that I'm saying that her daughters are 1 and 3 and are not going to understand what you are saying especially when it's a parent involved and if that's the best defence the mother has then the children shouldn't be in the home

In the first instance I would use crimestoppers to report the abuse of your niece.

Get legal advice from nspcc or women's aid regarding your children.

Sleep in their room with the door locked if you can. Or on the floor behind the door so it can not be opened without shoving you out the way.

Perhaps a nanny cam.

I can understand the fear of him getting unsupervised contact, but sexual abusers are sneaky, more so than say careless parents or lazy neglectful parents, it is extremely difficult to protect them.

I have little faith in ss also. My step father was granted unsupervised contact with my brothers after proven mental and physical abuse.

What a terrible situation to be in op. For what it's worth, I do think you should leave though.

See a solicitor ASAP and ask about getting a child arrangement order.

@mariethecat you can teach young children about private areas. For 1 and 3 you can do this without going into detail or getting complicated and without getting into why, though more explanation is needed as they get older. You explain that certain areas are private and if anyone touches them or asks dc to touch them in private areas, then it means they don't know the rules and dc must tell you and to not worry about it and that you will deal with it. As far as I know that is the recommended way of doing it.

That case sounds horrific but how would the child have felt if it came out their mother KNEW and NEVER reported it - that would be unforgivable as well

This is so true. It's bad enough in our case where my DM missed what was going on under her nose (although obviously we all have 20/20 vision in hindsight), and DSis and I have struggled to forgive her.

But in the OP's case, she actually does know. You cannot keep your DDs safe from him if you're still in the same home. These people are so devious.

A crime has been committed, and you should report it to the police, who will involve SS. There will be an investigation.

Hi OP

I have no experience of this situation and I'm sorry you're going through it

Please don't leave or report straight away. There are plenty of examples of where abusers are given access and if you are sure none of them would open up then if it's their word against yours they could accuse you of making stuff up to get back at them etc

I would gather as much evidence as you can and seek legal advice. Do what you can to protect them at the moment. Record what you can on your phone or any nanny cam type things. Talk to him and his family again, not accusing them just from a viewpoint of how can we all work to make sure it doesn't happen again. The fact that his own sister is worried he has done it to her child would make me very very very wary. Take them everywhere with you, toilet and everything and don't let them sleep alone.

What do SiLs partners think of this? Are they happy with their BiL having access to their children?

If you can gather enough evidence then even though it might not stand up to a prosecution, you may still be able to walk away due to the threat of it being made public but you may have to agree to some sort of supervised acces's if you can live with that. You need legal advice asap though.

Hopefully someone in the family isn't happy with the situation either and would speak out. You say it's all been forgiven and forgotten but if it's beenot brought up in an argument and one has said something about their own kids then it obviously hasn't been completely swept under the carpet.

Another thing you could do is report the sister in laws concern about her own child to SS? I am not sure about the consequences for you or your husband though but it might put everything on record?

Also does he have a laptop? Could you look through it or get someone else to?

@cornish83 thinking about it, I think that where a child has abused another child, both children are often seen as victims. I know that you have said that you believe that the abuse here continued into adulthood. But the fact that it started in childhood might be that the abuse in the family is more extensive that what you have been made aware of.

@itisnotgoodenough

That's true. My DB abused DSis and me when we were all children, but he was a victim himself. He witnessed abuse and also suffered it himself. As an adult, he has serious MH issues and his life has been irreparably damaged.

There's no indication that he's continued that behaviour into adulthood, he can't bear to be around children at all. So when we reported the abuse to the police, it was decided that there was nothing to be gained by charging him. All the other abusers being investigated were dead, apart from one, where the CPS decided there wasn't enough evidence for a realistic chance of conviction.

OP, my heart goes out to you. It must be overwhelming reading this all in black and white. These are your very worst fears made true.

One things is very, very clear. Your situation MUST change, and quickly. Act now. Collect as much evidence as you can and as quickly as you can without being seen to be obvious. Implore (and record) your SIL go tell the truth, if not
To the police, the to Social Services. Ask her what she's frightened of.

Are your parents around? Are they aware? Where are they to you Geographically?

If you think she doesnt like you (can't remember whether you said as much upthread), then ask her to put aside these differences and to think of all your children.

Act now.
Phone tomorrow.
Post in legal TODAY on MN.
Keep talking. You will need strength and support.