To think it’s hard living alone?

[redcurtain]

I’ve always wanted to believe in self reliance and being your own hero, but now I look at my friends earning less than me and get living in large beautiful homes, I realise I’ve probably backed the wrong horse.

AIBU?

From a financial point of view yeah, it’s a pain having nobody to share bills and knowing you could have a bigger house if you cohabited.

But from a well-being point of view I’m so much happier living alone than I ever was living with someone

Odd premise to the question – living with someone doesn't mean you'll have a large, beautiful home. You can also live alone and have a tiny, beautiful home! Depends on rent/buy, where you are in the country; what your partner earns, debts, priorities, how much DIY effort you put in, time, luck, so many things.

Nb. Some days, when DP has left his trail of detritus through our 500sq ft flat, I d r e a m of living alone again.

Depends what you mean by hard. If you mean financially you’re worse off then maybe depending on your income but not all relationships are perfect so living with someone else can be hard too. Living alone means you have total control over everything and freedom, that’s a great feeling!

But from a well-being point of view I’m so much happier living alone than I ever was living with someone

Me too. Happier and also healthier.

It's definitely harder with regards to finances, and knowing it's all on you to pay bills, mortgage, and unexpected expenses.

However, knowing that it's your space, you don't have to tidy up after others, can do as you please is an amazing feeling.

If you're struggling with being alone though perhaps you could get a lodger?

There’s no doubt that it costs more to live on your own (eg council tax discount is 25% not 50%). There are advantages as well as disadvantages though. (I read a towels thread yesterday and would personally hate it if anyone else shared my towel). I expect your friends sometimes sit in their bigger houses thinking you are lucky because you don’t have to clear up after anyone else or if you want to have a packet of crisps for supper you can.

God, no. l love it. l've been married and in relationships, and l've lived on my own for a long time now. Never been happier. l can do what l like, get up and go to bed when l like, don't have to cook if l don't feel like it. My house is full of art stuff, fabrics, wool, and three house rabbits. Not everyone would put up with that!

Large beautiful homes are lovely, but they take a lot of work and l'm too old for that now (retired). Unless l won the lottery and could have a housekeeper!
l wouldn't say l'm well off financially but l'm very happy with my life and for me, that's what matters.
Each to their own, though, l do appreciate it's not for everyone. Some people thrive in a marriage. l didn't.

The grass is not always greener, you’ve no idea what problems people face behind closed doors. Relationships, health, money, work, earning less and living in a bigger home doesn’t make the day to day crap go away. You can still be lonely living with someone. Enjoy what you have, live life to the full everyday, life is what you make it and you only get to live it once. You may think you’ve backed the wrong horse but it’s not in the knackers yard is it? Try reversing it, your friends may be very envious of how you live and how all the decisions are yours alone to make.

No it’s true living with someone doesn’t mean you live in a large and beautiful home. Just the same, even though I earn quite a good salary, I am finding things tough. And I’m also so lonely.

You can be lonely and live with someone though. And I think it would be much worse to have to share your space with someone that made you feel that way.

I’ve lived on my own for 2 years (with toddler dd, but she’s rubbish at paying bills!) and I can honestly say I will find it a struggle to live with someone again. If I ever do. My independence and happiness is too hard to give up!

Financially much tougher - I need to continue working, although married/partnered friends and colleagues can afford to retire. I am, however, much happier being single than I was in my marriage.

Yes I know that. I know living with a cruel partner would be worse. But that isn’t what I’m posting about.

What could you change OP? To make things better? Could you move somewhere cheaper?

If you could right now, describe your ideal life, then make a plan to get it...that might improve things.

Oh, I’d just like a normal family really. Someone who cares about me, share the day with. It’s not really about money. But my friends lives are so different. In fact I’m not sure I can call them friends now!

Is it the financial aspect, having a smaller house or actually feeling lonely that is getting to you the most?

OP, many women live with partners who squander their money on drugs, drink or gambling, who run failed businesses, who dish out minimal “housekeeping” money while spending the bulk on themselves, or who are unemployed cocklodgers.
Having a partner should not be viewed as a meal ticket! If you want a wealthy lifestyle, you need to earn it yourself.
I’ve been widowed for 27 years, but my career as a hospital doctor has provided a comfortable lifestyle for me and my children. I’ve brought them up alone from babyhood, and lived alone since they went off to uni 10 years ago.
I’m very happy on my own- I have hobbies and friends, a good village church community, and my kids live just 50 miles away so I see them regularly.
Life is what you make it! Don’t waste time on envy of others.

Im with you op, I hate living alone. Its great that some people like it but clearly others dont.

Sorry X post!

I didn't mind living alone. It taught me to be content in my own company and there's a lot of freedom in it, plus you have full control of expenses etc.

I love living with DP though. I am naturally happier with him around, and although there are always compromises if you're with someone, there's nothing big and we look out for each other. We're a team.

Just the same, even though I earn quite a good salary, I am finding things tough. And I’m also so lonely.

It's alright to feel like that. It's not about being your own hero, as much as that some people prefer living on their own and others don't. And if you're lonely; and you've genuinely tried to build up a social network and get involved in things, it might be that your preference is to live with other people - and that means you'll think the grass is very much greener for people who seem to have what you want.

A large home means more to clean and more to heat.

God, no - living on your own is bliss! Financially much tougher than splitting costs with a partner but the freedom to do exactly what you want more than compensates.

That’s just it Bab, I can’t. Because even though I earn a fairly good salary, it doesn’t stretch far. Doubled, it would.

It must just be me then.

Do you want a partner to ease the financial struggle, or to ease the loneliness? Even if it's both, think about what you're offering, rather than the rescue you want this person to enact on your life. Being single is financially tougher and lonely, but a relationship needs more incentive than that.

What do you do to meet prospective partners – dating sites, hobbies, asking friends for set-ups?

It’s not just you. I often feel lonely and definitely think my salary would go further with two incomes. As others say though, my salary would be terrible if. I had a c*cklodger (learned that great word here . May be worth thinking about a lodger. A friend told me always to have something social planned as it’s too easy to do nothing at the weeken after a busy week and that was good advice.