To think it’s hard living alone?

[redcurtain]

I’ve always wanted to believe in self reliance and being your own hero, but now I look at my friends earning less than me and get living in large beautiful homes, I realise I’ve probably backed the wrong horse.

AIBU?

Surprising really that not more people live alone, given that it’s as amazing as everyone here is proclaiming

But surely that’s because it isn’t for everyone?

What can you do to change how things are?

Yes that’s right speakout - obviously no one wants a bad relationship but the assumption here seems to be all relationships are bad!

but the assumption here seems to be all relationships are bad

A relationship would be bad for me. Any relationship, because I’m simply not interested in having one, it would add nothing to my life.

If you want a relationship, that’s obviously a different scenario for you.

Yes but that’s not what I am speaking about. If you’re happy alone great. I’m not. I’m lonely and missing out on life and having people tell me how great it is is quite wearing.

redcurtain

Exactly- there seems a lot of bitterness here- " all men are shit", " all relationships are bad".

I am sorry for those that have had those experiences, but it is not universally true.

Yes but that’s not what I am speaking about

Indeed. Which is why I asked what YOU can do to change things?

Thanks speak, it is frustrating. I don’t go onto threads about abusive men and whine ‘but being single is really hard’ after all

Thanks speak, it is frustrating. I don’t go onto threads about abusive men and whine ‘but being single is really hard’ after all

You literally asked whether you were unreasonable to say “living alone is hard”. People are answering your OP...

When I was living alone for 6 months I let out a room - it was decades ago now but £500pm tax free gave me a real buffer zone. She stayed for 7 months then I waited until the next tax year, by which time DH was back again, and we let out to a couple for 9 months. It was great company and we saved 20,000 over four years.
Would that work for you?

Well, you asked if you were BU to think it's hard to live alone. People have answered your question with - as would be expected - a range of views, some of which are that no, they don't find it hard to live alone.

(Personally, I find it much harder to live with others but then I'm naturally a solitary kind of person.)

If you don't like your life, it's up to you to change it but you need to find a way to be happy with the situation you're in because you can't put your life on hold for a future (i.e. meeting a partner) that you have no control over. If you really hate living alone, what about a lodger? Or moving to a house share? If you're lonely, there are lots of ways of meeting people - sports, hobbies, Meetup groups etc. But ultimately it's up to you to make those changes.

You already sound so beaten down that you have given up any hope of happiness, which is so sad and also kind of makes you subconsciously put up barriers and dismiss simple changes that could help but you already feel are pointless.

Have you always been alone or is it a fairly new thing? Have you always felt this way about it or is this a recent thing?

Well the number of middle aged people living alone is over 50% so clearly a lot of people do like it. Some will find it hard, others like myself, really enjoy it. Would you consider a house share if loneliness is the main issue or it specifically a romantic partner you'd prefer to share with?

I’ve never lived alone but yeah, I can imagine it is hard. I could never afford the house I live in if the cost wasn’t split with my DH, and although we are two people we don’t use twice as much electricity etc so those bills are cheaper too. From a financial perspective there are definitely benefits.

Well you’re asking on AIBU and people are giving you their experiences and opinions. They’re all different. Not their fault if you don’t like what some of them are saying . Nobody’s saying being alone is pure bliss and happiness!!

It’s like you want everyone to agree with you, so it’s not so ‘wearing’ on poor wee you...

I've lived on my own. It means that I was 100% independent and in control. I enjoyed the freedom. I worked, enjoyed hobbies, volunteering, family and friends. I lived in a tiny property, so my bills were very low. I share a different home now. Ideally, I would just like to retire and travel, but I need to work a few more years.

I've lived alone for over 20 years. I think it has advantages and disadvantages like anything else.
I think one of the hardest things compared to a good equal partnership is that you are the only one dealing will all the load; everything from cleaning the bathroom to dealing with the insurance company over the cracks that have appeared in the wall, getting the car serviced and remembering to shop around each year for the best utilities deal.
I quite like my own space and company but something else I have learned to do is to make sure I build in regular contact with other people. This is hard for me because I also have a chronic illness so never know how much energy I will have. Being part of a good church community helps.
I am also self employed and regularly go several days when the only people I speak to are my clients. Getting the right amount of contact with others is tricky sometimes.

Op in my mid to late 30s I was a very miserable person. I had broken up with the person I spent my 20s and early 30s with, living in a dump. As my 40th birthday started to loom I felt increasingly left out of life.
Then I woke up one morning and thought I don't like this bitter, jealous person I was becoming. So I decided to change it. It was hard and scary but I had to do it. I had always wanted to travel across the Namib desert but was too scared. So I booked a one week adventure holiday to Egypt which included 4 days trekking across the Sinai desert, camping at night. I remember sitting on the coach down to Heathrow feeling physically sick. I haven't looked back. That trip gave me the confidence to do a three week trip across Namibia, That gave me the confidence to jack my job in, take redundancy, do a five month overland trip from Nairobi to Cape Town, and go back to university full time at age 41.
I'm 53 now, that dump has been renovated bit by bit, and is now my lovely comfy, cosy home. I have a 14 year old adopted son, a cat, some fish and an allotment. Its a very ordinary life, and its not the life I imagined when I was 30 or 40, but I love it, its taken years to build, it suits me and its mine. I'm very happy living without a partner. I'm not missing out on life.
For me, the biggest gap in my life was children. So I adopted.
Now I'm not for a minute suggesting that what you need to do is go camel trekking across a desert, adopt a child, get a cat/dog/fish or an allotment.
But I do know what its like to be lonely and miserable and fear for the future. And I also know that ultimately only you can change it. Sometimes you just have to be brave, decide what you really want from life and then work out how to get it.
Its not easy, there are still compromises to make. You can be happy and have a fufilled life but you do have to be brave, take a few chances and put yourself out there. Change doesn't happen if you sit in your living room.