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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how naughty your 3 year old is...?

69 replies

hidinginthetoiletagain · 14/02/2019 20:02

Mainly just so I can feel (hopefully) that I'm not alone!

My daughter is driving me batty at the moment. She never does what she's told without me having to repeat myself 3 times and then actually go over and physically prompt her. She can't stay in the house for more than about 2 hours without climbing the walls and basically just wondering around 'looking for trouble' (i.e. doing something she knows she's not allowed to do whilst shouting 'look at me Mummy!').

She never seems to stand still and has her hands in everything. I feel like I am constantly asking her not to do things. For example - 'no, don't put your hand in the nappy bin, no more toilet roll, don't play with the toilet brush, leave the soap alone' etc etc (a 5 minute sample from when I was trying to get her to wait 30 seconds whilst I peed in a public loo today).

She can't sit still still at the dinner table and is constantly reaching out to touch things on the window sill, pull at the curtains, take food off my plate etc. She says 'no' to EVERYTHING and it's all a battle - every item of clothing, teeth brush etc. etc. She doesn't sulk or throw tantrums (I don't think she has the attention span) but she is objectionable about every single thing!

We go out to do at least one activity a day and I try extremely hard to be patient with her but it is utterly exhausting. We also have a baby and I'm not really enjoying my maternity leave at all because I'm constantly having to battle with her.

I'm sure some of this behaviour is her adjusting to having a newish little brother, but please tell me I'm not the only one and it will get better???

OP posts:
RangerLady · 14/02/2019 20:10

I just came on here to write a post about my 4 year old. I have no idea why they do it but my god mine can be defiant too. She has some epic tantrums still. I feel like I never get to say anything nice. Plus the 1 year.old who is a total terror. I swear they're trying to drive me to an early grave. So, solidarity I guess?

hidinginthenightgarden · 14/02/2019 20:13

My 3 yr old is exactly the same. Her borther is unwell so we will be stuck at home all day tomorrow and I am dreading it!

Original poster
hidinginthetoiletagain · 14/02/2019 20:14

Yes Ranger solidarity and my sympathies. My son is looking like he might be an early walker, I am PRAYING not!!!

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Original poster
hidinginthetoiletagain · 14/02/2019 20:15

Ha! I love that were both hiding hiding

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Original poster
hidinginthetoiletagain · 14/02/2019 20:17

None of my friends' children seem to be like this. They all seem to have the occasional wobbler, but then be fairly calm/reasonable the rest of the time...

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Tolleshunt · 14/02/2019 20:20

I feel your pain. My 3.5 year old is very similar. High energy and very disobedient.

She is also a grabber/toucher, especially in a new environment. I must say 'don't grab, just look with your eyes' 100 times daily. She never listens. Drives me crackers.

Hoping for some tips!

OfDragonsDeep · 14/02/2019 20:22

My 3yo is like this. His speech is very good and I think this makes it worse as he questions EVERYTHING making any chore/visit/meal take 10 times longer than it should.

I have no advice, just sympathy! I’m pregnant too, I have no idea how I’m going to cope with both.

OneBiscuitAtATime · 14/02/2019 20:24

My 3 year old has been ignoring every thing I ask today. To the extent that I had to message his group teacher to say he wasn’t coming because he couldn’t do what he was told! We would have been beyond late because, despite telling me he wanted to go, he refused to wear shoes, a jacket, go on the potty. Partly my fault because I know that enthusiasm and distraction work way better than just telling, but he was pushing my buttons today. But tomorrow is a new day and I’m off to eat chocolate.

shitwithsugaron · 14/02/2019 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheGreenDot · 14/02/2019 20:25

Yup 3.5 year old dd is the same. And constant taking and questions. Drives me insane mentally then the 14m Ds is Velcro baby and driving me insane with touch.

DuffBeer · 14/02/2019 20:26

I am literally just coming out the other side of this hideous phase (mine is almost 4)

However, I won't hold my breath as I'm sure the next shit storm is just around the corner.

TheGreenDot · 14/02/2019 20:26

Oh yes and I have to ask about five time for anything to be done getting louder each time. Then a count down. My neighbors must hate me. I hate me.

Original poster
hidinginthetoiletagain · 14/02/2019 20:28

I'm hoping it's just 'normal' 3 year old behaviour and she'll grow out of it?? Anyone got a well behaved 4/5 year old that used to be like this???

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Original poster
hidinginthetoiletagain · 14/02/2019 20:31

Oh GreenDot the countdown... Me too!! 'I'm going to count to 3....' 7 MILLION times a day...

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Ellieboolou27 · 14/02/2019 20:35

I’ve a mostly well behaved 6.5yo who was like yours at 3 from birth onwards don’t be fooled by them getting any better at 4/5, it was all lies when people told me they would get better when they go to school.

Personally I think it gets better when they leave home Grin
Also have a 3yo, perfect on her own, can take her anywhere, but, when they are together it all falls apart.

RangerLady · 14/02/2019 20:35

Ha ha we are a sisterhood! Mine is so lovely in public no one believes me that she can be an absolute arse at home. If I hear the word why one more time I might expire on the spot.

DoJo · 14/02/2019 20:35

Mine is similar, but having learned a few things from his older brother who is the same, I try not to issue instructions/ask him to do anything without getting him to look at me and stop what he's doing first, so that I'm not trying to compete with whatever he's engrossed in at the time.

I also find that giving him a job or activity before he's started fiddling is much easier than trying to stop him fiddling e.g while I'm in the loo I will ask him to count something, or hold something for me so that he has a focus for his boredom rather than looking around for something to touch/fiddle with!

Other than that, I just tear my hair out and despair because my husband is exactly the same and that's exactly where they both get it from and I am constantly asking him to stop fiddling with stuff as well!

LettuceP · 14/02/2019 20:38

I could have written your post Grin

Dd is 3.5 and EXACTLY the same. Ds is 10 months and started the phase of getting into all kinds of mischief. I'm finding it difficult atm, they are just really hard work right now. At least I know it won't last forever.

Silversun83 · 14/02/2019 20:44

Sounds EXACTLY like my 3-in-May-year-old.. Her speech is also very good and I love the things she comes out with but my goodness she battles every.little.thing. And is exactly the same with being constantly on the go, not being able to sit still and eat meals (I absolutely hate mealtimes as we're constantly telling her to sit back down!) the touching/doing things she knows she shouldn't to either object or get my attention.. But she's also not grown out of the 2-year-old meltdown phase yet. I do sometimes wonder whether she might have ADHD!!

How old is your DS? I think my DD's behaviour is also partly because of her little brother but he's nearly one.. I was hoping she'd have got used to him being around by now!

Like a PP, she does respond a lot better with chirpy encouragement, 'racing' her to see who can do something quicker ie washing her hands, and jokes but that can be utterly exhausting in itself and you just wonder why they can't for once just do as you ask without you having to perform a pantomime..!

She's wise even to the 'choice of two tops' and will inevitably go for the third unpresented option which is currently in the wash..

All I can say is she'd better use her well-oiled negotiation skills to some success when she's older Grin

Is it 4 when they turn into reasonable human beings?!

Absofrigginlootly · 14/02/2019 20:46

They don’t call them threenagers for nothing!!!!

DD was the same. A little angel from 6 months to just before 3 years. She turned 3 and it was like someone flipped a switch.

Disobedient, belligerent, rude, stroppy, uncooperative.... I’m afraid it’s continued past 4 years old and counting but I do get days of her being her old lovely self now.

This bit stood out for me though op....

We go out to do at least one activity a day and I try extremely hard to be patient with her but it is utterly exhausting. We also have a baby and I'm not really enjoying my maternity leave at all because I'm constantly having to battle with her.

Maybe you might find her behaviour improves if you “schedule” more down time. At least one activity every single day sounds like a lot, she could be overtired/overstimulated.

Also the new baby. Massive life adjustment and we’re only just coming out the other side slowly and DS is 6 months

Original poster
hidinginthetoiletagain · 14/02/2019 20:47

My daughter's talking is actually a little on the slower side, she hasn't got to 'why?' yet, but she makes up with it with 'what doing Mummy?' every 30 seconds instead... If I don't answer immediately that is followed up with the ubiquitous 'mumeeeeeeeeeee'

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Silversun83 · 14/02/2019 20:48

Oh and sorry to those with two of these but her nearly one-year-old brother is sooooo laid-back and chilled out and I'm just praying he stays the same as I really don't know how I would cope if they were both like this! (and I know you can't really tell at this age but I swear even at 6 months, she was crazy Grin).

hummanahummana · 14/02/2019 20:50

Well this could easily have been written about my 3 year old, except that mine does have tantrums!

Original poster
hidinginthetoiletagain · 14/02/2019 20:51

Abso I totally agree, but if we stay in her behaviour is much worse...

I'm hanging on for the Spring when we can potter round the garden...

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Helix1244 · 14/02/2019 20:52

Both of mine have been awful since they could move! Dc1 is getting a bit better at 6.5yo. Like pp they are worst together and I actively keep them apart. Honestly if i had thought i would have had another the same i wouldnt have done. I didnt think it was likely as dc1 was so bad (much worse than any other dc i have seen) but i conclude there is most likely something underlying going on. Dc1 is very bright and i just cant see why she cant see why she would be much better off to behave.
I do thimk children's energy levels vary a lot and some kids wind up whereas others wind down when tired.