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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how naughty your 3 year old is...?

69 replies

hidinginthetoiletagain · 14/02/2019 20:02

Mainly just so I can feel (hopefully) that I'm not alone!

My daughter is driving me batty at the moment. She never does what she's told without me having to repeat myself 3 times and then actually go over and physically prompt her. She can't stay in the house for more than about 2 hours without climbing the walls and basically just wondering around 'looking for trouble' (i.e. doing something she knows she's not allowed to do whilst shouting 'look at me Mummy!').

She never seems to stand still and has her hands in everything. I feel like I am constantly asking her not to do things. For example - 'no, don't put your hand in the nappy bin, no more toilet roll, don't play with the toilet brush, leave the soap alone' etc etc (a 5 minute sample from when I was trying to get her to wait 30 seconds whilst I peed in a public loo today).

She can't sit still still at the dinner table and is constantly reaching out to touch things on the window sill, pull at the curtains, take food off my plate etc. She says 'no' to EVERYTHING and it's all a battle - every item of clothing, teeth brush etc. etc. She doesn't sulk or throw tantrums (I don't think she has the attention span) but she is objectionable about every single thing!

We go out to do at least one activity a day and I try extremely hard to be patient with her but it is utterly exhausting. We also have a baby and I'm not really enjoying my maternity leave at all because I'm constantly having to battle with her.

I'm sure some of this behaviour is her adjusting to having a newish little brother, but please tell me I'm not the only one and it will get better???

OP posts:
Momo18 · 14/02/2019 20:54

My nearly seven year old is like that..

Original poster
hidinginthetoiletagain · 14/02/2019 20:59

I must admit, ADHD has crossed my mind... It doesn't help that I am a naturally slow moving, lazy bum...

OP posts:
Seline · 14/02/2019 21:00

Mines like this. Hes very likely autistic and likely has adhd. Is that something that might apply here?

Original poster
hidinginthetoiletagain · 14/02/2019 21:01

She definitely does 'wind up' when tired, but I don't know how to help her relax/rest...

It's actually a real shame, she's a lovely girl but get so over-ecxited/over the top when seeing favourite people etc. I've just started avoiding those situations...

OP posts:
Original poster
hidinginthetoiletagain · 14/02/2019 21:03

Crossed post Seline. I don't think there's any indicators for ASD, but have wondered about ADD/ADHD... Far too young to know though I think?

OP posts:
Seline · 14/02/2019 21:05

It's young but do you have a family history? They're taking it seriously with my son because I have ADHD myself that's fairly severe (I'm medicated) and he's had a speech delay. They can be dx this young but can't take meds until around 6

Msgiggles30 · 14/02/2019 21:07

I am an eyfs teacher I currently have 60 3 year old and at least 40% are completely bonkers Grin

Original poster
hidinginthetoiletagain · 14/02/2019 21:10

There is some family history of ADHD. Her speech isn't delayed I don't think, just not the speediest...

OP posts:
Mscandylamb · 14/02/2019 21:12

Dont have a 3yo but sometimes look after my niece whom is 3yo.. My gosh she is a little madam at times and can be quite challenging but we have taught her good values to adhere to in the home and outdoors and yes she has her moments.... My niece mainly loves her screen time by that I mean watching tv. Ipad or anything similiar so if we can palm her off with that we can have an easy few hours without her trying to draw on the tv like she did 2 weeks ago and stuff like that. Her dad was not happy at all. But gotta admit she souns like a saint compared to other 3yr olds. Its down to how you raise them as soon as they can talk/walk lol.

Seline · 14/02/2019 21:17

OP if there's family history then push for someone to consider ADHD. I went undiagnosed for years and suffered as a result! I didn't have delayed speech either, my son does, it's quite variable. My son is noticeably more challenging than other kids.

MotherOfTheNoise · 14/02/2019 21:22

My now 6 year old was like this. Jesus I could have sold her to a circus at times! I found it was best to pick my battles and give her options rather than "out this jumper on" I'd pick out 2 or 3 and ask her to choose one. It gave her a bit more control over the situation so we didn't have quite so many meltdowns. I mean she's now in the really inquisitive stage and just wants to know how and why everything works? (Anyone have any idea how to explain in an age appropriate way how TV's and electricity work? Other than saying "It's magic" 😂)

She is totally awesome now though, even if she does have her moments!!

Helix1244 · 14/02/2019 21:26

Im fairly sure there is something medical with dc1 but it could be adhd/odd/pda allergic reaction or asthma even. She struggles in all environments (home/nursery/school/rainbows/swimming lessons). Very quick temper. Woouldnt sit for stories at nursery at 3yo. Climbed under the table at meeting with school nurses but they werent interested.
She is better than at 3yo but not the same as classmates.
She doesnt seem anxious like i would expect if it were asd. More low energy high frustration.
She had a lot of ear infections as a toddler so could have glue ear/hearing loss. The worst times are often winter or when feeling a bit off.
Both dc do have some sensory issues with eg hair brushing and foods. I have found school hard as it is immediately naughtiness so treated differently to other dc but im not personally convinced she can help it at it's worst especially because it is consitently bad in all locations but just spikes frequently and in a spike you have to ride it out as you cannot prevent her doing something by warning against it in fact drawing attention to it is more likely to make her do it...
It is like she enjoys the challenge. But i find it hard to do ignoring and certainly school dont do that.

Menstruator · 14/02/2019 21:27

Mine is number five and she’s driving me mad.

She’s got language skills and gives no shits. I told her to go in the bath, she just laughs and slaps her thigh and tells me I’m so funny

randomsabreuse · 14/02/2019 21:32

3 year old dictator here too. Not sure if "I'm just" is worse than "I'm a bit still hungry" as delaying tactics.

Other irritating habits include demanding food, licking it then refusing to eat it, and generally doing what she's been told not to and chirping I won't do it again with gay abandon.

Bed has gone from easy to massive battle.

Original poster
hidinginthetoiletagain · 14/02/2019 21:44

Ha random my daughter's classic is doing something like (this evening): clunking me on the head with her toy microphone (by accident, but after I had warned her to stop waving it about) then when I express pain/shock/outrage saying 'oh no Mumma, what happened?'.

Um you hit me in the head with a heavy plastic object...

Sometimes I say, 'you're not going to do that again are you?' and she nods her head solemnly WineGinCake

OP posts:
Autumnbloom · 14/02/2019 21:55

My 3 year old does everything she's not supposed to do with a smile and actively looks for things that will annoy me and then does them with a smile. She is adopted, so there is an extra layer of issues, but I do think mostly that 3 years olds' purpose in life is to rattle us (test the boundaries).

AliyyaJann · 14/02/2019 22:00

My 3 year old sounds like yours. Never listens, constantly ask "why?"-because it just is"-"why?" Bloody shoot me

AliyyaJann · 14/02/2019 22:01

My 3 year old also does naughty things with that smile on her face @Autumnbloom

AliyyaJann · 14/02/2019 22:02

Haha hits me then says "I'm sorry mummy, I didn't mean to hurt you. I won't do it again"...

Ghanagirl · 14/02/2019 22:11

@hidinginthetoiletagain
You’re DD sounds exactly like my DD at that age she was complete nightmare but I’m now missing her bossy self she’s now suffering about being popular etc due to school issues😐

nowifi · 14/02/2019 22:13

Mine is the same and I'm deliriously happy to read others are the same too Grin

She never sits at the table and has to eat infront of the TV or she won't eat at all. She hardly eats anything I put in front of her apart from toast and yoghurts, and to top it all off she still sleeps in our bed so I can't ever escape her! Apart from work, love work at the moment Grin

MsMustDoBetter · 14/02/2019 22:15

Yep, sounds about right. My 3.5 year old only stops fidgeting when asleep.

During waking hours, there is mischief, mess, tantrums, strips, sulking, snacking and running off.

MsMustDoBetter · 14/02/2019 22:16

Strops - not strips!

Autumnbloom · 14/02/2019 22:24

@AliyyaJann so difficult isn't it? Their antics are worth a degree in psychology! After a meltdown/episode I also get 'I'm good now mummy' - because that makes the last four hours of misery ok!! Haha bloody kids! God speed everyone!

DianeAdores · 14/02/2019 22:30

OP, shoot me if I'm being a twat - but the thing that stands out from your posts is that there's a lot of 'don't do this' and 'stop doing that'. I know it's a complete PITA, but is there any way you could head her off sometimes before she starts doing stuff you don't want her to do? E.g. in public toilets: think of something before you go in which might interest her. At the table: engage with her. Recite nursery rhymes. Sing to her. Do anything at all that grabs her attention. Even if this means taking a book in your bag or some such, that you can get out if you are in a public loo, in a queue etc (bear in mind mine were small before phones/tablets, so I have no experience of parenting with electronic distractions for parents or children alike). Do anything at all that means she has your attention, but in a positive way. She wants this attention and will try to get it regardless, and I know it sounds tiring and ridiculous - but sometimes it's easier to give it on your terms, rather than waiting until she starts playing up. I know you just want to wee in peace, though. I also know it's not easy when you have a baby, too. I was a SAHM for God knows how many years, including to one with AS, so I also sympathise immensely with you. Especially the "Mummmeee" and "look at meeeee" thing, which I still get to some extent, even with older teenagers.

Also... with things like the microphone, I wouldn't ask her if she's going to do it again. I would say clearly: I know it was an accident, but it hurts when you hit someone. We don't hit one another with things. I wouldn't give her the idea that it's negotiable.

Repeat ad infinitum.

Now if someone would like to tell me how to deal with difficult teenagers, I'd be delighted. Grin