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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask a teacher out for a drink ........?

84 replies

Disney2017 · 14/02/2019 19:03

First time poster, so please be gentle. I have massive middle age crush on teacher at Ds's school.. He's not Ds's teacher. Lots of eye contact made, but no reason to speak to each other..Don't want to make a massive arse of myself by asking him for a drink/making it known that I like him, as obviously have to do school run everyday and do not wish to be laughing stock of staff room "ha ha Disney's mum.asked me out" . Also have no idea if he's in a relationship. His FB status states he's single but he he hasn't been active on FB for past year. Should I just admire from a distance and bite the bullet this is a lost clause? Or do I risk making a total.arse of myself? Suggestions please!

OP posts:
Original poster
Disney2017 · 14/02/2019 20:23

Thanks for all the replies. I know I just cringe thinking about it and appreciate its totally unprofessional. "Sigh" will just have to wait until my DS moves onto secondary school .Really not willing to face the embarrassment on both parts but appreciate all in your input.

OP posts:
SadOtter · 14/02/2019 20:24

Please don't. I'm not allowed to add parents on facebook or give out my phone number or arrange to meet out of school, or seek to build friendships with parents so I wouldn't be allowed to date one either. I think I would also have to tell the headteacher if a parent were to ask me out, just to cover my own back.

Thingsthatgo · 14/02/2019 20:25

I worked in a private school once where loads the parents and teachers were in relationships having affairs. It was awful, but entertaining. So much so, that one of the parents wrote a Jilly Cooper type novel about it!

Original poster
Disney2017 · 14/02/2019 20:26

LiveandLearned that's so lovely ❤

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 14/02/2019 20:37

I wouldn't. It's inappropriate and it would be unprofessional on his part.

Embarrassing for your son if he accepted and starts coming to your house ..even worse in the event of a break up.

Original poster
Disney2017 · 14/02/2019 20:49

Greensleeves 😂😂😂cold shower taken 👍

OP posts:
RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 14/02/2019 20:53

what year is your son in?

Bumper1969 · 14/02/2019 20:55

I'm a teacher. I know many teacher / parent relationships. Go for it.

RomanyQueen1 · 14/02/2019 21:04

there was a mum who got together with the Y6 teacher when dd was in primary.
Still together 7 years later.
As long as he doesn't take it into school there is no law that says you can't.
Obviously, you wouldn't stand snogging at the gates, it's FA to do with anyone what he does in his free time.
Lots of parents go out with teachers.

Gingerkittykat · 14/02/2019 21:29

I can't believe all the people saying to ask other teachers if he is single, joining the PTA etc. Surely if this was a male parent nobody would advise doing that because it is downright creepy and verging on stalkerish behaviour.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 14/02/2019 21:32

You’re just going to have to volunteer at all the pta events until you can strike up a conversation. Or friend request on facebook or something

I would Op ! But prep and do
Some groundwork

And if he says no ? It will pass

novasglowx · 14/02/2019 21:36

I wouldn't tbh.
And I admit to having had a crush on DD's teacher. Similar feeling that it's reciprocated. Then I found out he's married with small children. That's a massive nope.

UnperfectLife · 14/02/2019 21:38

No - don't ask him out. There's room for some middle ground first while you consider what's best or how to approach things. Enjoy the fantasy/ crush. Try to find out a bit more about him with some more online stalking/ snooping. Don't tell anyone. Just keep it as your delicious secret.

southernetter · 14/02/2019 21:38

Go for it! You only get one chance at life and life is short. It could be the start of something beautiful Grin

TextbookFannies · 14/02/2019 21:46

Making people feel that you are giving them undivided attention and are thoroughly enthused by what they have to say is kind of a top teacher skill.

You’re probably just seeing his excellent interpersonal skills and openness as interest. Sorry! Flowers

PositiveVibez · 14/02/2019 21:53

A simple “did you spoil your girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?” Or something similar

Omg. No. She said they have had eye contact only.

He could be thinking 'wtf does she keep staring at me for'

Bad idea.

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 14/02/2019 22:12

Gawd, no! There are billions of men in the world, find someone else.

Amanduh · 14/02/2019 22:34

Oh and yes you would be gossiped about in the staff room. A lot 😂😂😂

IWantChocolates · 14/02/2019 22:38

My mum taught at my secondary school. It wasn't deemed "unprofessional" for her to have a relationship with my dad... I'm not sure why people would think that teachers aren't allowed to enter into relationships with parents. I can't think of a school I know of where this is stated in the staff handbook and I think most teachers would be up in arms at having their private lives dictated in such a way. I know us teachers have certain behaviours prescribed (and have to do things like declare if we live with someone who's been convicted of a violent or sexual offence) but dating parents isn't on the list of "bad" behaviours...yet!

Jaspermcsween · 14/02/2019 22:43

a simple “did you spoil your girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?” Or something similar

Noooooooooooo

HumptyNumptyNooNoo · 14/02/2019 22:43

Oh this can happen when one of you doesn't have their distance glasses on ... looks like you are staring in awe - but you are just staring into the fog - don't get confused - he was probably just bored stiff !

HumptyNumptyNooNoo · 14/02/2019 22:44

( took his contact lenses out too maybe - same results )

SpeedyBojangles · 14/02/2019 22:50

Waiting might be a good idea!

What year is your DS in?

I am friends with a teacher at my DC's school on FB, but she's also a school mum with a DS in my DDs class. I think there should be some boundaries with teachers but they do have lives too!

ArmchairTraveller · 14/02/2019 23:20

For every successful physical relationship between a teacher and a parent, there are a thousand where the parent has mistaken friendly, polite, enthusiastic professional for a very personal relationship that didn’t exist anywhere but in their own head.
It’s very tricky for younger teachers to manage a parent with a crush. Can’t avoid them, can’t tell them to fuck off, it’s very stressful even if they liked them. Let him be and trawl elsewhere.

Lovingbenidorm · 14/02/2019 23:24

Oh god no!
Please don’t
If there’s mutual attraction then maybe something could happen in the future ie when your son is no longer at that school (and you discover this guy is free)
Otherwise it’s a huge mess waiting to happen