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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask a teacher out for a drink ........?

84 replies

Disney2017 · 14/02/2019 19:03

First time poster, so please be gentle. I have massive middle age crush on teacher at Ds's school.. He's not Ds's teacher. Lots of eye contact made, but no reason to speak to each other..Don't want to make a massive arse of myself by asking him for a drink/making it known that I like him, as obviously have to do school run everyday and do not wish to be laughing stock of staff room "ha ha Disney's mum.asked me out" . Also have no idea if he's in a relationship. His FB status states he's single but he he hasn't been active on FB for past year. Should I just admire from a distance and bite the bullet this is a lost clause? Or do I risk making a total.arse of myself? Suggestions please!

OP posts:
BananaFace5 · 14/02/2019 19:16

Although he doesnt teach your ds now is there the slightest chance he could teach ds in future years, or take him for extra lessons or anything like that where you'll have to have parent teacher meetings with him? Personally I just couldnt while ds was at the school

sagradafamiliar · 14/02/2019 19:21

Fuck, no.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 14/02/2019 19:22

Add him on fb and take it from there.Better to regret the things you've done than the things you haven't imo

MakeAWhish · 14/02/2019 19:24

Go for it! I did with my DD's male teacher, and were currently expecting our first baby together Grin
Although, asking him out straight off the bat might be a bit much, can you think of an excuse to contact him to see if you can start some sort of rapport that will give you an indication if your feelings are reciprocated? X

viques · 14/02/2019 19:29

Dont! I once met this really great guy at a party, we got on really well, until we realised he was my DDs RE teacher....... He went from hero to zero in about 10seconds flat, and to be fair I think he felt the same. Needless to say I avoided his table at the parent teacher conferences from then on.

Fluffytheevil1 · 14/02/2019 19:30

My mother went out with a teacher from my school while I was still there. It was awful. All of the kids knew and would take the piss daily. When it ended it was fully awkward. Not worth it imo.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 14/02/2019 19:31

Personally I would go for it, but give him an easy out.
Like ‘I hope this is not inappropriate and I would totally understand if the school would not allow this but would be great to go for a drink with you, here’s my number if you fancy it’ in a breezy but confident way’.
Or something less shit but along those lines.

If he declines then smile and act like it’s no big deal.

SmileEachDay · 14/02/2019 19:31

I would be horrified if a parent at my school mistook my friendly demeanour for a come on. When I’m at work, I’m at work.

Are you sure you haven’t misinterpreted his “eye contact”.

Plus. My colleagues would take the piss SO BADLY.

speakout · 14/02/2019 19:31

Don't!!.

What if it goes wrong and he ends up being your DDs teacher- that may be very difficult.

Teachers don't always stick to the same year group, my kids primary would change many of the teachers every year- more interesting for staff to be teaching 5 year olds one year then 11 year olds the next.

Stay away.

RomanyQueen1 · 14/02/2019 19:34

Can you find out if he has a local? We used to do this if we fancied someone. Do you know if he's local to school or has a longish commute.
I say go for it too, he doesn't teach your ds.

LuluJakey1 · 14/02/2019 19:35

Really don't! The staff at the school I worked at were told not to get into relationships with students' parents. It would have been a real joke around the school if a parent had asked anyone out. It puts a teacher in a difficult position- they are supposed to keep professional and private lives separate.

HollowTalk · 14/02/2019 19:38

I don't think you should add him on FB. I think he wouldn't be allowed to do that anyway.

Tunnocks34 · 14/02/2019 19:39

Please don’t.

I had a pupils dad ask me for my number at parents evening. I felt so awkward and the girl even worse!

slcol · 14/02/2019 19:42

Nope nope nope

SmileEachDay · 14/02/2019 19:42

I don't think you should add him on FB. I think he wouldn't be allowed to do that anyway

No, he wouldn’t.

VerbenaGirl · 14/02/2019 19:54

I agree with the PTA volunteering suggestion. You'll get to find out a bit more about him and can take it from there.

CatpissEverdine · 14/02/2019 19:57

You aren't really allowed to be friends with parents on social media if you are a teacher - unless you are related. I think though, that it woud be alright to sound him out about getting to know him better. Primary is obviously a bit more tricky than secondary as all the parents know each other and the teachers meet parents all the time. Could you get talking to him at pick up time? Find out what the year group he is teaching is currently studying (if primary) or something relevant to his subject if secondary? It's unconventional, but it can work with discretion

NannyRed · 14/02/2019 20:00

First things first, find out if he’s single!

A simple “did you spoil your girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?” Or something similar, (did you and your gf have a nice weekend etc). If he is single and let’s you know, that’s a step in the right direction. Then take it from there.

Aridane · 14/02/2019 20:08

Have you actually spoken with him or just gazed upon him from afar?

SmileEachDay · 14/02/2019 20:08

Noooooo do not ask him about his personal life at school pick up!!

It is written into our code of conduct that we have to maintain professional boundaries.

Maryann1975 · 14/02/2019 20:12

Firstly, I think this is a really bad idea for all the reasons already mentioned above. If you are really that sure you and your child can deal with it, do you not know any of the other members of staff you could ask to find out his relationship status? Just because you have had eye contact, doesn’t really mean a great deal I’m afraid. That might just be him being friendly. You might have to take up volunteering at school to get to have a conversation better, but failing that, I think it’s a really bad idea to just go up to a teacher and ask him out.

Lizzie48 · 14/02/2019 20:14

I really don't think this would be a good idea at all, for all the reasons PPs have listed. Just settle for admiring him from afar.

Kahlua4me · 14/02/2019 20:17

Don’t think I would ask him out either as would be mortified if I had the wrong end of the stick?

Perhaps volunteer at the school, discos etc and see what happens....

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 14/02/2019 20:20

It's a huge no from me!

Livedandlearned · 14/02/2019 20:20

I did! We've been happily married for ten years now.

He was a teacher at my dcs school but i met him as a work placement student aged 30.

My kids adore him and we were the talk of the school for a while but everyone was fine with it, well anyone that mattered.

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