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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask parents of grown up children.

89 replies

Daffodilshootsahoy · 14/02/2019 18:15

When you look back on what life was like bringing your children up. What do you think/feel about it? Any words of wisdom?
I have 1 dd aged 4. Loan parent and I struggle at times but we get by ok. I just wonder how I will maybe feel when she is older, if there's anything I will regret doing and what I will remember the most.
It would be nice to have some insight from those that have brought up their own children.
Sorry if it's an odd question, just something I've been wondering for a while and dont have anyone else to ask.

Thanks

OP posts:

creamcheeseandlox · 14/02/2019 23:15

My two are 7& 9 and this thread is making me all emotional.

WFTisgoingoninmyhead · 14/02/2019 23:17

They are young for such a short time I really miss those first eight or so years when my kids thought we were awesome and spoke sense, once that goes it takes years to get it back. Mine think we are great again now but they are 26 and 25 , see it takes years😂. Cherish those years of being awesome.

ssd · 14/02/2019 23:23

To be honest and I know a lot of you don't want to hear it but the best thing you can give your kids is time. When they are young they just want to be with you, at home, when not in school. And when they are older they spread their wings and want to be out and about, which is natural.
So be with them when they are young.

junebirthdaygirl · 14/02/2019 23:37

Mine are grown now. One of the best things you can give them is routine. Just keeping their lives on track, doing the normal stuff but in a non dramatic way. Just being you. Just being there. Have their lives built on a pretty secure footing. So you are doing a good job by the sounds of it.
And you don't lose your dc when they get older . Its just different. Mine are all away but this week for example we had a bit of a crisis and they have all been marvellous calling and just generally being supportive and ...just there! So every stage has its glories.

jellyshoeswithdiamonds · 14/02/2019 23:47

My dd recounted me rubbing sand off her feet from the beach before getting into the car. "Why didn't you take water to wash it off?"

I'll pack bottled water for my grandkids feet as I've clearly scarred my kids.

Mine both go on about things that we did together, simple things. I loved being with them, don't get me wrong it was bloody hard work but I loved doing it.

We mainly did free things, jam sandwiches in the park after kicking leaves around. Eating them in the boot of the car (Volvo estate). We were lucky enough to live close to the beach I'd plant myself down and let them loose "look for my {brightly coloured} umbrella you can't get lost", also "come back when you are hungry", "don't go in the sea without me". They'd drag me down to the sea to paddle

Darkestnight · 14/02/2019 23:47

I miss the baby years as it has gone by far to quick now dd is 19 soon

PietariKontio · 14/02/2019 23:55

That you may think you're having no effect through their teenage years, but you are, slowly, mostly imperceptibly, you are.

That, if you are basically trying to do a good job, you'll get there.

That you can and will make mistakes and that's fine, you're human.

That to try to make them decent humans is the way to go, everything else will work out from that.

RogueV · 15/02/2019 03:25

Great thread

expat101 · 15/02/2019 04:00

Mine is 21 and overall I'm pretty happy we/I tried our best at the time with the knowledge and resources we had (hindsight is wonderful and priceless). However my one major regret is not recognising she was being bullied in her final year at school by another student who lives in our small road who had already come between my daughter and her best friend. It wasn't until the day of the leavers dinner and the venue was changed. The small group of Girls from the year were all meeting up the road at this other one's place, including her former best friend, yet she had never been invited up. This had been going on for months during study leave where (mostly) they would send photos of themselves on snap chat at this student's home. I never for one moment recognised she was being excluded and was being upset. That is my biggest regret. Just not recognising it.

Roussette · 15/02/2019 07:47

Being a mum has been the best thing I've ever done
Totally agree with this. I hoped to be a good parent, but never imagined I actually would. I don't mean to sound full of it but I think DH and I did a pretty good job.

So agree with being adventurous with food. Mine were eating curries and chilli from a young age and trying different tastes and all that means they loving cooking as adults.

Don't sweat the small stuff. This is really hard when they are teenagers but if they're generally doing OK, let a few things go... teens are notoriously selfish, it's just a phase. Pushing the boundaries is their way of testing what it's going to be like out in the big bad world!

Daffodil just by posting this thread, that proves you are a very good parent. You are thinking and worrying and wanting to do the right thing.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 16/02/2019 10:05

@jellyshoeswithdiamonds totally off point of the thread, but even better than water for getting sand off feet - use baby powder (or cornflour does the trick too). No mess and dry afterwards too!

Yulebealrite · 16/02/2019 10:09

I used to worry about being the perfect parent and doing things right. I'd relax more and let themselves drag themselves up more. Each little worry seemed huge at the time but most passed over time and they turned out ok regardless of how much I worried.

itbemay · 16/02/2019 10:11

My biggest regret is not being around so much for them, I went back to work when DD was 3 months and DS 6 months. Had a brilliant childminder but looking back all the stress and juggling just wasn't worth it. However it was that or have no money.

The best times for me have been the chats and laughter, and I am really enjoying this time in their lives, both really nice sensible people that I actually enjoy spending time with.

DD 18 and DS 13 - not 'grown up' exactly...

People used to say to me enjoy them whilst they are little as it'll go in a flash and I used to always be hoping for the next stage to hurry up, walking, weaning, school etc etc and those people were right, i can't believe my 'baby' is an adult

Cakeisbest · 16/02/2019 20:33

Also, when you know they’re going to ask you for something you’re going to say no to, have a smile on your face as you say no and they usually accept it much better than from a frowning face. Sounds bonkers but it works.

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