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Original poster

Nine month old won't sleep, considering co sleeping

64 replies

Bergermurd · 14/02/2019 11:01

Posting here for traffic, please help? My daughter is nine months and has always been a bad sleeper. I am up and down with her all night. She will sleep for ages in my arms but hates going in the cot. She keeps wanting to breastfeed all through the night. HV's advice is to try to settle her in the cot but she works herself up so much that I can't keep going with it and end up picking her up. I feel so sleep-deprived and am thinking of starting co sleeping just so that we can all try to get some rest. Please can you advise me? Should I start co sleeping at nine months if we've got this far without it? Would co sleeping actually be a solution? I just don't know what else to do.

OP posts:
EwItsAHooman · 14/02/2019 11:10

Try it and see how it goes. You've tried getting her to settle in her cot and it's not working, you need sleep, so do whatever it takes to get some Flowers

I put mine to bed at bedtime in their cot and then if they woke up during the night I would co-sleep from that point onwards because I didn't want to spend ages trying to settle them or having to get up and down, was far easier to just lift them into my bed and all go back to sleep more or less immediately.

Original poster
Bergermurd · 14/02/2019 11:14

Thank you...I'd like to try it but have been firmly told by HV that I'll be making a rod for my own back and setting myself and baby up for all kinds of problems down the line...is this really true?? I can't imagine worse problems than how it is right now!

OP posts:
ambereeree · 14/02/2019 11:15

Yes do it! She probably won't wake as much for milk knowing you're near.

FrogFairy · 14/02/2019 11:21

Another one saying do it, whatever it takes for you all to get sleep.

Read the guidelines on safe co-sleeping.

underneaththeash · 14/02/2019 11:22

I'd try it too. If it's worse just stop again. (the may wake more if she can smell your milk) but it's worth a try. You're past the SIDS risk age, so that's not a concern.

JagerPlease · 14/02/2019 11:24

You do what you need to do to get by!

I cp-sleep with my 2.5 year old still as he very rarely sleeps through the night and I find it a lot easier to settle him straight back down rather than having to go to him. I tried him in his own room but he would get so worked up by the time I got to him that it would take up to an hour to settle him, whereas now it's less than a minute. Is it ideal? No. But it's the only way I avoid complete exhaustion and am able to function at work!

HedgePlastic · 14/02/2019 11:25

No! Just sleep train.

hotwing · 14/02/2019 11:29

Sleep train! Co-sleeping is going backwards and won't mean anyone gets any more rest

EwItsAHooman · 14/02/2019 11:30

When it's a choice between sleep deprivation and a rod, I'd take the rod each and every time.

It's never caused any problems with my DC and because they started the night in their own bed they knew from the start that they had their bed and I had my bed and they were two seperate places. They all grew out of it sooner or later with minimal prompting from me. It reached a point where they'd only come in a few nights a week instead of every night, then no nights, then I'd realise I hadn't had them in for a week or more and that was that.

ASundayWellSpent · 14/02/2019 11:44

Cosleeping was great for us until my DD was about 15 months, then she seemed to wake up extra and be more disturbed by having the boob buffet nearby. Its been hard to move her into her cot, and hard to night wean, compared to DD1 who never coslept and never had trouble sleeping in her cot through the night. That being said I would do it again because cosleeping feels lovely and whilst it was working for us we got so much more rest!

CycleWoman · 14/02/2019 11:44

Go with your gut instinct and do whatever feels right for you. Parenthood is full of people telling you about bloody back rods! But they aren’t in your shoes so they simply can’t tell you what is right for you.

For what it’s worth I was the same when my baby was that age and I sleep trained because I was dangerously sleep deprived and had serious PND. I hated it but I was too worried to co-sleep due to making a rod for my own back. The sleep training worked for a bit but mine goes through phases of not settling on his own and needing to be settled in the night still. But I didn’t revisit sleep training because I didn’t like the process.

I really feel for you as the sleep deprivation is awful. I hope you find something that works for you and your little one.

outpinked · 14/02/2019 11:47

Amazed you haven’t cracked and tried it way before this tbh! Think I lasted three weeks before he wound up in our bed? Maybe less Grin. 15 weeks old now, definitely still in our bed and I wouldn’t have survived without it.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 14/02/2019 11:49

We co-slept with DS8 til he was about 3/4. Every now and then he'll still crawl into our bed but it's perhaps once or twice a year now, so I'd say go for it. The whole "rod for your own back" thing MIL announced is nonsense; he just wasn't ready to sleep solo when he was small. DS13 was the polar opposite and never wanted to be held while he slept, both are bright, lovely, happy and not at all overly attached to us. I very much doubt DS8 will still be sleeping in my bed when he's 42 despite the promises made my well-meaning friends.

Some children just need 'more' of you. Either you fight against what they need or you go with it; I'm a lazy arse and also a hideous twat when I'm tired, so co-sleeping made sure we all got enough sleep to function properly.

Fr3d · 14/02/2019 11:54

Co sleeping is completely biologically normal...google animals co sleeping for some gorgeous pics. And they will become more independent and happy to sleep in the next room as they get older.

I always saw it as survival instinct of the baby...if you were sleeping in a cave, they need to stay very near to you to be safe

BejamNostalgia · 14/02/2019 11:58

I'd like to try it but have been firmly told by HV that I'll be making a rod for my own back and setting myself and baby up for all kinds of problems down the line..

My twins had to cosleep otherwise I would have died of lack of sleep. They slept fine in their own beds from 18 months. DS who never cosplept comes into my bed most nights!

Do what you feel is right for you but make sure you do it safely. Settling her in bed while you’re awake and moving her to her cot sleeping may be a good option.

kenandbarbie · 14/02/2019 14:51

What's this so called rod? That they will be hard to get to sleep on their own beds later on? Well that's the problem now so that makes no sense. You already have the 'rod'. I have co slept with all mine. The 6 year old still occasionally gets in bed if he has a bad dream, other than that all in own beds. No rods here.

Sosososotired · 14/02/2019 14:55

Co-sleeping saves my sanity!!! Ds wouldn’t sleep anywhere else except next to me. The only problem is that it might not be easier to get them out your bed! Ds is about to turn 2 and is still with us.

Original poster
Bergermurd · 14/02/2019 15:03

Thank you so much for these replies. I feel like crying with exhaustion. I don't think I could consider sleep training, it's just not for me. Please can anyone tell me how safe co sleeping actually works...do I need to put the mattress on the floor? What do I wear?

OP posts:
kenandbarbie · 14/02/2019 15:30

In the normal double bed.
I wear nursing pyjamas which have no strings or excess fabric, and fasten hair up.
Dh on far side of me to baby.
Pillows behind my head which is on the edge of pillow so not near baby
Duvet down near my waist and my arm on top so they can't go near baby.
Baby on back beside me on my side facing her.
Baby just wears vest and babygro, no swaddling or sleeping bag.
Bed guard.

kellymom.com/parenting/nighttime/cosleeping/

www.laleche.org.uk/safe-sleep-the-breastfed-baby/

cosleeping.nd.edu/safe-co-sleeping-guidelines/

kenandbarbie · 14/02/2019 15:35

Like this


kenandbarbie · 14/02/2019 15:36

Nb this is not me....I am much less glamorous.

Nine month old won't sleep, considering co sleeping
catx1606 · 14/02/2019 16:59

So what you feel is right for you and your baby. People will be very quick to tell you what to do but they will be going by what worked for them. We're all different. We co-sleep and we love it. My son will go into his bed when he's ready.

Mandraki · 14/02/2019 17:14

I'm another for sleep training. Co sleeping is nice probably but youre going to have to get them in their own bed at some point, either now or in two years

Treble9 · 14/02/2019 17:24

As someone who's had the unfortunate experience of attending three infant deaths due to parents accidentally suffocating their child I beg you not to co sleep!!

RoboticSealpup · 14/02/2019 17:26

Nobody in my family slept for about a year after DD was born. We tried everything. Nothing worked. At about one year I felt it was safe to co-sleep. I never thought I would do that, but you do what your have to do to survive. Sweet, sweet sleep... Bedtime suddenly felt like something to look forward to again after a long day, instead of some form of torture. You have to make your own mind about stuff like this. If I'd tried to follow the advice of most people, hell knows where I'd be today. Probably getting over a deep depression. Sleep is essential, and some children just can't sleep alone.

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