Nine month old won't sleep, considering co sleeping

[Bergermurd]

Posting here for traffic, please help? My daughter is nine months and has always been a bad sleeper. I am up and down with her all night. She will sleep for ages in my arms but hates going in the cot. She keeps wanting to breastfeed all through the night. HV's advice is to try to settle her in the cot but she works herself up so much that I can't keep going with it and end up picking her up. I feel so sleep-deprived and am thinking of starting co sleeping just so that we can all try to get some rest. Please can you advise me? Should I start co sleeping at nine months if we've got this far without it? Would co sleeping actually be a solution? I just don't know what else to do.

I coslept from the first night with both mine (am not in UK and was told to in the hospital) and love it, but even so I think you would be crazy to start with a nine month old who will have some mobility and zero understanding of what is going on.
With my first I had to stop the day she started crawling, so at 7 months, because she was an absolute liability crawling around the bed fast asleep.
We sleep trained a week later using the gradual retreat method (NOT cry it out or CC) and she slept amazingly from the first day of that.
My second is 4 months but is already in the cot on his own because he’s been sleeping through for a while and doesn’t seem to care where he is.

I co-slept with all of mine. They are now all school aged children who are happy to go to bed on their own, read, self-settle.

I really could have written your post myself. My dd Is the same age and has never been one to self settle without breastfeeding or sleep in her next to me longer than 5 mins so we co-sleep. It's the only way that works. Whereas my son was a textbook baby and the complete opposite.

Ever my baby is different so you just have to find what works for you both. I'm surprised you haven't done so earlier to be honest! As long as you co sleep safely there's nothing wrong with it.

Sorry to hijack this thread but just wanted to ask a question. How do you co-sleep with a toddler? I know there are guidelines for babies, but I can't find any information on how to do it with a toddler. I have been contemplating it with my DS who is 21months. Could he co-sleep with both me and DH in the bed? What would I need to do with regards to our pillows and duvet, because as his age he can have pillows and duvets introduced in his own bed.
He's currently not sleeping well due to his back teeth coming through. We were up for nearly 4 hours the other night. Every time he starts drifting off to sleep he wakes up crying again.

@Figmentofimagination you don’t need to worry so much with an older toddler. I cosleep with DD2 who is a similar age, although she now spends most of the night in her cot and comes in when she wakes for a feed. Are you breastfeeding? If so they tend to navigate to boob height in the bed anyway. Personally I would start with a bedguard on your side of the bed (most are safe from 18 months), and toddler between you and the guard. But my DH is an incredibly heavy sleeper so I always prefer the kids to be next to me and not him. Safe sleeping rules still apply, so no loose clothes or dressing gown cords etc, but you can both share the same duvet (not too high a tog as toddlers can overheat still). Layered blankets might be easier. Keep the covers at waist level so they don’t go over his head. DD2 doesn’t need a pillow so I clear her a space on the bed without one and keep my head at the edge of my pillow with the rest behind me, as I did when she was a baby.

Main risk with toddlers is them falling out because they’re wriggling too much. Oh and get used to them sleeping horizontally, starfishing, sleeping on your head, or with their feet up your nose. It’s by no means as peaceful as cosleeping with a baby is. I am regularly awoken by having my eyelids prised open and MUMMY bellowed into my ear, or by being assaulted with a soft toy. 😂

So what if you might make a rod for your own back? You might get a bit of disturbed sleep while you convince DC to sleep in their own bed? You’re getting a lot of disturbed sleep now so it’s worth the risk

For what it’s worth, I coslept with DD from 6months. At 2 years I made a big deal of turning her old cot into a bed and getting a duvet set for it in her favourite character. She slept in her own bed happily that night onwards! I was shocked at how easy it was (and I know that we were lucky)

Thank you very much Cheby. That's really helpful! No I'm not breastfeeding, and I've already become used to being assaulted with a soft toy in the day as I get hit in the face frequently 🙈. I'll look into a bed guard.

Thank you so much for all these replies! I am trialling putting the baby in her cot for the first half of the night then taking her in with me if and when she needs it later on. Can I ask about bf though? ...if co sleeping is it ok just to let her feed whenever she wants to (which is quite a lot!) I've been told that she shouldn't 'need' to feed at night by 9 months old...? Thanks

I coslept with both of mine after doing my research and making my own informed choice. Done correctly and following a set of stringent rules it's absolutely safe. But these all must be followed at all times. Lowest rates of SIDS are in fact in countries where cosleeping is the cultural norm.
I remember one night in particular when I woke up suddenly and didn't know why. My baby had gone to sleep fine but had developed a dangerously high temperature in the night due to a virus. I instinctively woke up as he had become too warm and I could sense this because we co-slept. If he'd have been in a cot I would not have known his temperature had risen and would not have reacted as quickly as I did.

PS. I breastfed skin-to-skin and baby just latched on as much as wanted to throughout the night 😊

@Figmentofimagination there probably won't be enough room for the 3 of you in bed...toddlers like to sleep in very odd positions! Chuck DH out, give toddler his pilllow and half of the duvet and enjoy a good nights sleep with many interesting ways of being woken up in the morning

I b. Fed . Was given lots of advice on strategies but ultimately by 3am I was exhausted. So Ds co slept we always slept better.

I don’t think many breast fed babies don’t wake for feeds at night . I stop night feeds at 2 in the hope he would sleep through . Took another 2 years.😴😴🙈

Ugh. The ‘not needing to feed at night’ thing after an arbitrary age is rubbish. Is your baby following their centile? And beginning to learn to manage solid food? Then night feeds aren’t a problem. I’ve had 2 babies who have breastfed all night. Their weights are perfect (one on 50th centile, one on 75th centile, but each of them 2 centiles higher for height so they are toward the lower end of the healthy BMI range). Their teeth are more than fine as well.

The bottom line is, we are mammals. And mammals breastfeed on demand and cosleep. Babies don’t give a shiny shit what technology we have or what routines modern life dictates, their instinct tells them that the safest place for them to be is next to mum, preferably attached to a boob. Which is why 95% of them sleep wonderfully in that position and a good chunk of them despise being put in a cot on their own.

Hi OP, my first born was OK to sleep in the moses basket at first but at around 3 months of age she wouldn't settle. I remember putting her in bed with me to settle, after what I thought was fast asleep and transfered back she woke up as soon as I put her down, back in my bed she slept through. We coslept until I was heavily pregnant with my 2nd. She went out and chose "Big girl covers" and now LOVES going into her own bed (she won't even pop in for a cuddle now) 2nd baby came along and slept fine in moses basket, but woke up a lot for night feeds. (possibly 4 times a night) so decided to Co sleep with 2nd baby at 3 weeks of age. Wakes up for 1 feed and is now 6 months old. Breastfed both of them.
I just wear normal pyjama bottoms and a vest top that I can easily pull Down, or back when it was hot a nightie with straps. Latch baby on whilst laying down and have a "gentle sleep" basically resting my eyes whilst feeding.

If you're comfortable with Co sleeping and feel safe with doing it then go for it. Mothers intuition knows best.