AIBU partner 'wasting' money on chiropractor?

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I work, partner is a SAHP. Today I find out that they have just spent £150 on a chiropractor.

My partner has a bad back, but I'm annoyed because I think it is a lot of money, I don't believe in chiropractic medicine, £80 was for an x ray which seems pointless to me when you can see the shape of someone's spine. Also there is no money in the joint account until a few days time so has gone on a credit card.

If it was for physio and we had agreed the spend I think I'd have been supportive.

AIBU to be pissed off?

Ish. YANBU to be annoyed at a big financial outlay without any discussion or awareness.

YABU if you say they can't seek help for their back.

I personally agreed with you on chiropractors. A physio or osteopath would have been a better spend. Plus both are regulated.

Did your partner tell you they were having back issues before spending the money?

I don't think the stay at home bit is relevent though.

Have you ever had a bad back? Because it's miserable. If this helps it'll be money well spent.

But we have a rule, anything over £100 that isn't food shopping/car repairs we discuss. I wouldn't be happy with my partner spending that much money on anything without discussing it first-SAHM or Working or whatever

Your money, your beliefs? Is that what you think?

FWIW if there isn't money, there isn't money. But your partner gets to make health decisions based on what they feel they need.

You should both have equal spending money and anything that isn’t mutually agreed can and should be purchased out of spending money. Then neither of you have the right to moan what the other one spends money on.

Spending large amounts family money (ie not spending money) without consulting the other is wrong regardless of whatever it is.

I'd be pissed of at the spend if it wasn't agreed.
I've had a bad back for 50 years and I totally disagree with you about chiropractors. If you find a good one then I'd pay any money not to be in continuous pain. Ive been unable to walk recently because of back pain and I visited a chiropractor and I can now move about easily.
I've tried Physio and that has never worked

I had a shoulder injury after a car crash. 8 months at physio with limited progress. 5 sessions with a chiropractor and I was fixed.

You might not believe in it but your partner might find that it works much better for them.

Yanbu to be annoyed that this expenditure came out of the blue with no consulation with you and has put you all in the red. Although if there's going to be money in the joint account in a few days time then there's no need for it to cost you anything in interest?

Yabu to think chiropractors aren't worth the money. I've been in the unfortunate position of having to spend a fair amount of money on a chiropractor but every single penny was worth it for the relief of pain.

Years of physio for a back injury didn't change a thing, 4 sessions with a chiropractor transformed me so on that alone you're being unreasonable.

If you have money in a few days does that mean it's affordable then or will the cost set you back permanently?

5 years ago by DH was off sick for months with debilitating back and nerve pain. I was working, He could not. Physio wasn't available on the NHS. Private physio? He was just given some faded old photocopies of exercises that made the pain worse. He had X rays, MRIs, all sorts. Osteopathy, chiropractic treatments, acupuncture. Things we both thought were probably snake oil, and which cost a lot of money. He got better. We are not sure what it was that fixed in the end. But you do what you have to to keel your family well. I'd have been a real twat to insist he address his pain according to my presumptions about pain treatment.

Mmmm I agree. I am a regular osteopathic patient though with a radiographer DD, not sure of the reason for the X-ray.

FWIW my osteopath charges 35 per session, I usually have two sessions twice a year to stay pain free.

I get his need to be pain free, but his choice of therapist wouldn’t be mine.

If your going to a chiropractor you need to have an X-ray. They need to check that there's no broken bones etc before they start treating you.

And yes I'm another who suffered with a bad back for years and was told by my doctor that I'd just have to live with it. 8 sessions with the chiropractor and I've never had any pain since.

I've visited 2 different chiropractors for 2 different issues and both times they fixed the issue. Such a relief to be pain free ! Sometimes it takes a few sessions to get fixed. Worth every penny spent !

Yanbu to be annoyed that this expenditure came out of the blue with no consulation with you and has put you all in the red.

^YANBU- I agree

My chiropractor charges £45 a session so £150 seems way out of line. Why did he need an xray anyway?!

I went to an Osteopath the other day, it was £55 for an initial session. I've been in agony since, but I'm so beyond being in pain every day that frankly I'd try anything.

I'd give your DH some support. Constant pain can make you feel like you're losing your mind.

Yanbu about spending so much without consulting you, but YABU about him seeing a chiropractor. I’m another who had physio for spd and sciatica in pregnancy and the physio were very limited on the help they gave, a support belt, which didn’t work and a list of exercises/manuveres and finally some crutches. One visit to the chiropractor and I was fixed.

Don’t underestimate how much continuous pain affects someone’s life, it’s not pleasant and is exhausting, fwiw the cost is probably so high as initial consultations tend to be longer and the most expensive, usually subsequent appts are (in my area) in the region of £25-35

This is your partner's health so I think you sound quite mean spirited. You want them to carry on walking around in pain?

I've had a great experience with a chiropractor - I was walking around looking like a demented budgie due to some vertebrae starting to come out of place. 2 sessions later = all fixed.

If you care about your partner, why wouldn't you want them to get better? Who cares if it's pills, injections, physio or acupuncture if it works for them?

Do not dismiss the value of chiropractors, there are some very good ones out there

I don't know about chiropractors. Any big spend that takes you into debt should be discussed. The person being a SAHP is totally irrelevant unless you think they are wasting YOUR money. In which case you're unreasonable.

This kind of expenditure without discussion is unreasonable if it's going to push you over into the red. However, you are being completely unreasonable to say what your DP can and can't do with his health. If he feels a chiro is something he'd like to try, then, assuming you can afford it, he should be able to do it. Just because you earn the money doesn't mean you get to make all the financial decisions.

Incidentally, an x ray is a sign of a good chiro who is ensuring that they aren't missing anything before they begin manipulation. Most responsible chirps would insist on such a thing before treating someone the first time.

If the SAHP in this OP is a male, and the OP is a female, how would Mumsnet react if the roles were reversed?

YABU to want to deny your OH medical care. VVUR. But YANU to expect to be forewarned before a large sum comes out of the joint account.

My chiropractor charges £35 a session so god knows what he's paying for. If you find a good one they can work miracles on your back. I used to need a pulley system to get up some mornings and seeing my chiropractor every week means I hardly even take painkillers. He's done more for me than 2 surgeries. YANBU to expect him to have discussed such a big spend though, US BY to try and control which professional he sees for his back.

If the SAHP in this OP is a male, and the OP is a female, how would Mumsnet react if the roles were reversed? the same, obviously. In fact I assumed it was that way round.