To give up on expressing

[WhiteWashGails]

So
Baby is 3 weeks and spent a week in special care.
I’ve been expressing as he wouldn’t latch after the first week on NG tube then i said bottles as we would never leave the unit if he didn’t latch so bottles was easier.

I saw a lactation consultant yesterday and ordered a hire of a hospital grade pump as I get 50 ml per day and want to try and express again.
She said he had tongue tie so that cemented my idea of bottling the expressed milk and topping up with formula.

I’ve realIsed after spending all that money yesterday I get annoyed when he wakes up because I want to pump!

I’m obsessed with getting my milk inside him as family members who breastfed actually were adamant I should bottle feed (no faith in me) I want to prove them wrong.

If I give up on the idea I’ll have more time, I stay in his tiny room (for the future, he sleeps in a cot with us for now)

I’ve not been out in 2 weeks because I’m tied to this pump and the baby.

Consultant said to express 8 tines 24 hours to get supply up but I don’t know if I have th stamina.

I’m going it of my tiny mind and I’m wasting the precious newborn time freaking out.

I’m also still have bad feelings over his week in hospital (waters broke early hospital didn’t believe me as they trickled so I was open for a week before labour) and feel like I’m going mad / and feel a bit ‘suicidal’ IE I could do with not being here and feeling these emotions
Help

If you want to give up, definitely do. I expressed solely for 9 months and it was hell and I look back and completely wish I hadn't carried on doing it. Dd was very colicky and even after spending 2 hours getting her back to sleep in the middle of the night, I'd have to stay up longer sitting in the cold expressing. Like you, I felt like I was continuously expressing and couldn't do anything. I really feel for you and wish you lots of luck. Don't beat yourself up, it can be a really difficult time and you absolutely should speak to someone if you're having suicidal thoughts. Take care of yourself.

I have no helpful advice I’m afraid, other than to say my preemie was also in NICU for 6 weeks and I did nothing but express for what seemed like every minute of the day. I breast feed him once a day during my daily visit and expressed every 4 hours, 24 hours a day. I have always thought I have no idea how I could possibly have done that if he was at home. And in fact when he came home I tried to express one bottle a day but stopped bothering after a couple of days.

Only keep going if it’s something you genuinely want. But it’s really not worth stressing over. Millions of babies never get an ounce of breast milk and grow up to be perfectly healthy.

If you would be calmer without the pump then ditch it.

If you feel suicidal give up, fed is best however which way that occurs

Congratulations on your baby first of all!

Can you get the tongue tie divided and then try again getting him to latch? I expressed 8 times a day for about 4 months so that I could top up my baby with EBM. It was so limiting. I also got very obsessed with how much I was able to express and became very anxious about my milk supply.

I'm the end I decided to breast feed and offer formula top ups and stop bothering with expressing. Within 2 weeks I was exclusively BFing with no need for top ups and I could feel my milk supply had improved.

The anxiety and measuring that comes with expressing is the worst possible thing for your milk supply in my experience! The more you stress about it the less you can get out!

I got my baby's tongue tie divided privately for about £160 within 4 days of enquiring. There are even midwives that will come and do it in your home. It can be a 2 week wait in the NHS but in my experience it wasn't worth waiting for as I was so worried and it wasn't that expensive to get privately.

I would give up in your situation. It j7st sounds so hard

You've done so incredibly well to get as much breast milk into her as you have so far. Well done you, genuinely so.

But if it's making you suicidal it's time to stop . It's not work your mental health. The difference isnt that massive!

YANBU. I've been breastfeeding for 15 weeks; for the odd bottle when I went out I expressed until my baby was 12 weeks, but it is so dull, so tying, and twice the time as you have to both express and then feed the baby. He's been having formula a few times a week instead and life is so much easier for it.

Expressing is incredibly stressful and isolating IME. I pumped for 4 months before DH asked me to stop, he could see how upset it made me when I wasn’t getting as much as I expected, or when I had to take my equipment out with me and pump as my boobs were so sore they were on fire. When I wasn’t feeding I was pumping and it was a constant struggle.
Do what is best for you and your little one, you need to be happy and healthy in order to get her stronger. You’ve done amazing, but it sounds like it time to stop for the good of your MH.
I hope everything goes well.

*him

for you OP, that sounds really tough. Can you see the lactation consultant again, or see another one? The one I saw was very non judgmental and saw it as her job to help me advocate for myself when health professionals were being pushy, and to navigate some of my emotions about feeding choices.

Honestly do what works best for you as a family. You’re allowed to take your own comfort into consideration.

Please think of yourself- suicidal is absolutely not how you should ever be feeling.

My DS was born early and spent 7 weeks in NICU where (like a pp) I spent my whole time expressing so he could be fed my milk through his NG tube.

When he came home (around 35 weeks gestation) he still didn't have the strength to bf so I tried to carry on with expressing. Short story- it didn't work. Not enough hours in the day to carry on with pumping whilst also looking after a tiny baby.

Went onto formula and never looked back- he is very happy, healthy, no issues.

If I was you I'm pretty sure I'd stop. It's not worth your mental health. And I've been BFing for 4 years and 2 DC. But if I'd had to pump. Nah I would've stopped pretty quickly. Especially as I am pretty sure I'd feel similar if not the same as you're feel. Be kind to yourself x

Congratulations on your baby

I'd definitely stop expressing. It sounds like you've done a wonderful job and now you need to take some time back to actually spend with your baby and get into the swing of living life with a baby rather than being tied to the pump and isolated. Happy mum=happy baby.

Also please talk to your midwife about how you're feeling, nobody should have to struggle on feeling like that

Don’t feel guilty about stopping - it’s important to look after yourself as well as your baby and if expressing is causing you such misery then absolutely stop.

I had terribly poor supply when my daughter was tiny. She went back to hospital at a few days old as she’d lost too much weight and I was encouraged to pump there and then sent home with the pump. I hated it. I couldn’t get much out and felt like all I was doing was pumping and getting stressed about it. We went onto formula and bottles pretty quickly, though my little girl has always been able to latch on so I kept ‘feeding’ her that way too even though I didn’t think much was coming out!

If you want to persevere with breastfeeding then I recommend taking baby to bed with you for the day and just cuddling and trying to latch baby on every now and then. But really, if it doesn’t work don’t beat yourself up. Fed is absolutely best.

If you don’t want to let certain people know due to their comments then you could always lie and say you feed formula during the day on doctors’ advice but you breastfeed over night? But really, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Although new mothers are encouraged to breastfeed and told by some professionals that it’s ‘easy’ I know so many women who had to give up early or couldn’t do it at all. It’s not your fault.

I expressed for 8 months. All I will say is that it does get easier. By about 3 months in I didn't need to express more often than every 4 hours (for 30 minutes). By 6 months I only did it 3 times a day - first thing in the morning, after work and before bed, and I had more than enough milk - I ended up donating a freezer drawer full. I was lucky, but it was still hard work. I don't regret doing it, but I wouldn't do it for a second child - it'll be breastfeeding directly or formula feeding for this one.

In all honesty though, the milk from the first couple of weeks is the really important bit; you've done so well to get that milk to your baby and now you need to focus on your own health, and that includes your mental health. A relaxed and healthy mum is the best thing you can offer your baby right now.

Tongue tie can be snipped, is it something you’d consider? I think trying to bf directly may be the way to go. Lanisoh cream is your friend, before and after the baby latches whilst your nipples toughen up a bit.

In the meantime supplement with formula. I know the your supply is important but right now you’re not in a good place. Formula means someone else can feed while you pump if you want to and not feel so overwhelmed.

There are things you can eat/drink that boost your supply. I found fennel tea and oats good (I preferrred my oats in flapjack form but you could be good and have porridge!).

Don’t lose sight of what’s important, the baby being fed is the only thing you need to achieve here, it really doesn’t matter how.

I’m tearful (again!) at your kind replies.

I can’t imagine it still being an issue at 6 months, so I think I should knock it on the head.

I really think it’s impacting my other ways of being a mother, he lies in his Moses basket while I express and I think what does he need more - cuddles, fresh air or me?

I think it’s a no brainier.

However there guilt over this is like being strangled, I feel breathless and like I’m being tied up bondage style or something, trapped. Sorry that must be a woerd way of describing it but it’s how I feel

I wish I posted yeatday, the pump and consultant just cost me £150

Expressing is so difficult - when my DS was little he lost too much weight and we ended up on a feeding/pumping schedule that was similar to how you're describing. It was awful. I'm on my own and DS was a velcro baby who never slept anywhere but in my arms - there just weren't enough hours in the day. We got through it (looking back I have no idea how) and he's still breastfeeding now (as in right this second).

There's absolutely no shame in switching to formula though, or trying a combination. Combination feeding does work for some people. I've heard nipple shields can work miracles for babies that struggle to latch, especially early babies. You can get them in boots or on Amazon. Might be worth trying if you really want to. If not then switch to formula - it'll do your baby no harm.

I was the same as you with expressing, I remember bursting into tears because I'd just finished expressing and DC woke up and wanted milk and I was trying to build up a supply as she couldn't latch, at that moment when I realised I resented her waking up and taking what I was expressing for her I stopped and started FF instead.

I was feeling suicidal too and changing to FF was my saviour, I bonded with her more because I wasn't so exhausted and when she was sleeping I could nap too or eat because I wasn't tied to a pump, when she was awake and not feeding I could do things with her.

If you are struggling don't continue, you both need looking after and FF isn't bad, fed is best.

BTW because I believe every Mum needs to hear this - you are an amazing human and you can do this Mumma!

Hi, it sounds

My dd was nil by mouth for 3wks, then fed bm through ng tube for a week in gradually increasing amounts and finally after four weeks I bf. We were then discharged to local hospital for a few days to ensure feeding was well established and went home. As time went on dd got stronger and better at feeding.

I didn’t buy a fancy pump (tho they had them at the hospital and they are great) just used a cheap one and expressed about 5-6 times per 24 hours. That was enough to keep supply going the month she didn’t feed. Could you not do some expressed milk and some formula as a compromise?

It sounds... I think I wrote tough and then thought that was too obvious. But yeah it sounds tough.

Also part of my problem is that while we were In Hospital we were so happy about getting a decent amount of colostrum and then expression it brought me and DH together, he’d hold the syringe then congratulate me and hug me when I made milk, I think I enjoyed Hospital a little bit and feeling cocooned in there and JUST being able to express and being served dinner and lunch etc it’s like I want to capture the mood at home

But 2 days away from expressing last week just ruined supply and now I feel like shit.

But you know what, fuck it I might have to leave my breasts alone and pick up my boy!

I might even go out tomorrow !

Lastly, when at the hospital on day 3 (emotional milk coming in day!!) we told the consultant that we felt we would never leave the unit if he didn’t latch, we wanted to go home so we didn’t want to BF and I started to cry - he said ‘MEH’ no word of a lie.

I was stunned - he said it was just food and over the years there was more to worry about than that!

Please just enjoy this time with your newborn honestly it goes so so fast. Be kind to yourself, stop trying to prove any points and don't worry so much about it. Fed is the only thing that matters.

Expressing 8 times a day is soul destroying. I usually only managed 6 (5 during the day and once overnight) and was enough to keep my supply up. My son was also tongue tied so wouldn't latch and it took a month of perseverance (and tears!) to breastfeed successfully.

He feeds fine now but I do wonder with hindsight whether it was really worth it as, like you, I felt it totally overshadowed my first precious weeks with him. I know exactly the feeling of guilt you are describing - that's probably the only reason I stuck with it.

Are you getting any support from your midwife or health visitor?

Well done you have done 3 weeks of pumping and given your baby the very best start but what baby really needs is a happy mummy !
Screw what anyone else thinks do what you think is best for yourself and baby , I fed my baby formula as well as pumped milk , maybe give that a go ?