To give up on expressing

[WhiteWashGails]

So
Baby is 3 weeks and spent a week in special care.
I’ve been expressing as he wouldn’t latch after the first week on NG tube then i said bottles as we would never leave the unit if he didn’t latch so bottles was easier.

I saw a lactation consultant yesterday and ordered a hire of a hospital grade pump as I get 50 ml per day and want to try and express again.
She said he had tongue tie so that cemented my idea of bottling the expressed milk and topping up with formula.

I’ve realIsed after spending all that money yesterday I get annoyed when he wakes up because I want to pump!

I’m obsessed with getting my milk inside him as family members who breastfed actually were adamant I should bottle feed (no faith in me) I want to prove them wrong.

If I give up on the idea I’ll have more time, I stay in his tiny room (for the future, he sleeps in a cot with us for now)

I’ve not been out in 2 weeks because I’m tied to this pump and the baby.

Consultant said to express 8 tines 24 hours to get supply up but I don’t know if I have th stamina.

I’m going it of my tiny mind and I’m wasting the precious newborn time freaking out.

I’m also still have bad feelings over his week in hospital (waters broke early hospital didn’t believe me as they trickled so I was open for a week before labour) and feel like I’m going mad / and feel a bit ‘suicidal’ IE I could do with not being here and feeling these emotions
Help

I am doing formula too because I only currently get 50ml breast milk at the monentb

Also when the Pediatrics doctor came and did checks on my little boy when he was first born he suggested topping up with formula as I said I was planning on breast feeding .

If a highly qualified doctor recommends combination feeding with formula then I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with it , i now have an extremely healthy and chunky 11 month old 😊

@WhiteWashGails - don't feel bad if you want to stop. My DD wouldn't latch so I fed her formula from a bottle as I was desperate to get home after a few days of trying to bf her in hospital. A midwife gave me a pumping schedule and it was hideous. Every time I put DD down I had to express, and I barely produced any milk so it seemed like a waste of time. I was so unhappy. It was hard to get out as by the time I'd expressed, fed her, washed bottles etc there was no time left.

I stopped when DD was one month old. I'd fed her a bottle of expressed milk that had taken 3 days to produce. She projectiled it across the living room floor. I never expressed again.

If you're not happy, stop. My DD is 100% formula fed and is very happy and healthy.

50ml isn't bad and you've done great keeping it up for these 3 weeks already - think how much milk overall you have managed to give him in that time!

Whatever you decide, you have already done a great job. You need to do what is best for both you and baby, there's no right or wrong here

It's such a tough situation. I pumped every 3 hours for 24 hours for the first three weeks as my baby was also tube fed.( double pump, hospital grade on full power for 10mins). I had a great supply, and a whole freezer stash of milk for when baby came home. Once home I pumped once a day, first thing in the morning (after baby's first feed ). That routine worked for me and I never had any issues with sore nipples, mastitis etc and my baby fed every two hours around the clock.

However, breastfeeding is tough, never mind adding pumping into the mix. Come week six of being home I was at breaking point.

If you feel it isn't working I would be cautious to carry on as it will get harder, more exhausting and a whole lot more demanding. Your own health is as important as your child's. Please do not compromise your own mental health.

FF is a wonderful alternative and a fantastic option we should all be very thankful for.

I also completely understand your feelings of guilt. I cried a river in the first few months before I knocked expressing on the head. I'd go to breastfeeding drop ons multiple times a week and sit there literally sobbing my heart out. If I spilled a few drops of expressed milk from the pump I'd start crying. I felt like such a failure that I couldn't give her enough milk. I was embarrassed and heartbroken.

I can look back now just a couple of months later and see how crazy that was but that's what your new motherhood hormones do to you!

As long as your baby is fed and you are happy you're doing the right thing. Your capability as a mother is in no way linked to your ability to breastfeed or not. You've done amazingly so far but just do what's best for you and your son now and try to not beat yourself up!

Congratulations on your baby OP!

Can you get DCs tongue tie cut? It'll help MASSIVELY.
I couldnt express more than like 30 ml and i hated it. Soon as DD had her tongue tie sorted, it was amazing. My sil used to express litres! So its different for everyone.

If breastmilk is important to you then get the tongue tie sorted, look for your local nhs infant feeding clinic and they will put you in a feeding plan and help you with latch etc. I found them a millions times better than thr paid for lactation consultants.

If you want, DM me for info and i can help you find the right place x

I think you should consider the tongue tie division even if you're not breastfeeding by the way. When I got my daughter's done they said she probably would have had a speech impediment as a result of it if we hadn't had it divided.

Will he latch at all?

I've done the whole feeding spectrum
DC1 expressed for 8 weeks then formual fed
DC2 breastfed for 2y 8m
DC3 was a neonate and had an NG tube until day before her first birthday. I expressed for 6 months but then had to start a medication.

I have zero regrets about any of my feeding choices. Thankfully I had a good supply with DC3 and I got on with just a manual pump (she was in for 15 days and I pumped religiously in the early days and built up a good freezer stock). I pumped whilst bolus feeding, after a few months we moved to a feeding pump so I'd pump whilst her pump fed her. I was up anyway so it didn't matter so much?

Had it not been for my medication I would have probably pumped a bit longer.

However I found expressing with DC1 an absolutely thankless task and the day we moved to formula was the day I began to enjoy my PFB.

You do what you need to do OP, anyone that judges you isn't worth your concern and you mustn't feel guilty.

Look into getting baby's tongue tie cut! The day my baby got his tongue tie cut and was able to latch was so fantastic, joy on a par with the day he was born. I expressed exclusively for two weeks before the tongue tie was divided. Expressing is SOUL DESTROYING and you've done incredibly well to get this far. There is no shame in formula feeding. But I second other posters, you should get the tongue tie divided and try latching again (will probably need nipple shields for the first few months, to mimic the bottle). It cost us £150 to have it snipped privately, best money we ever spent.

I pumped for 15 months and I’m not saying that because to show off but because once I got through the first few weeks and in to a pattern it did get better.. I pumped before my husband went to work first thing then during naps in the day once when DH got home and then before bed and middle of the night but only for a while.. I pumped for 15 - 20 minutes and fed what i pumped I did not set an amount target I did a time target and I topped up with formula.. it went from 2oz to 3 and then eventually 6 on each side in that time but formula was always there if I needed it I just started using it less.. I also pumped when out and about..

So I guess I’m trying to say it’s doable but also do what makes you happy a fed baby is a happy baby!

I think expressing and bottle feeding is probably the worst of all possible worlds- especially if you’re already giving him formula.
My suggestion would be to stop expressing, and just put him to the breast as often and for as long as you can and see if you can work it out between you. But giving him formula as well. Expressing is so soul destroying and clinical. I hated it-can you tell?

Expressing at home is hard and only really possible if you have support of someone else around to help out in the day.
Although I hated it at times, I found it was something I could control and was the only thing I could do to help my baby when in hospital. As I could control nothing else in relation to his health, it really helped me and gave me something to focus on. We were in hospital for 6 weeks though and supply is established by about 10 weeks so I could drop to 4 times a day fairly soon after getting home, which was manageable with a breast pump that clipped to my jeans.

We did go on to establish breastfeeding at 8 months and I'm feeding a two year old now.
If you have lots of support and want to, go for it, you'll get in a rhythm and it won't be so wearing. If you want to stop and get out more in these early days then do so and enjoy it. Both choices make sense! Good luck!

I pumped for 6 months with DD1. My advice? Dump the pump! Seriously formula is perfectly healthy for your baby, in your case it's more important to bond with your baby as sounds like you're not getting enough time to do that. If you're only getting 50ml it's not working all that well anyway. Enjoy your baby, this newborn phase will soon be long behind you and you won't even think about how you fed your baby. X

FWIW, my little brother was exclusively bottle fed and he's got a PhD in physics now.

I could have written this a few months ago. I gave up and went on to formula. The relief was immense! No more anxiety, meaning happier me and happier baby

I think because it was so helpful and made us so happy in hospital I really thought I could bring that home and it’s just not worked.

I’m sad about it biut I’ll be able to go tobaby groups and maybe eat more than a bowl of porridge a day

Your baby needs you to be happy! Don't feel guilty, your baby doesn't care. You are doing a great job after a tough start. Give yourself a break and enjoy your baby.

I had very similar experience. Used to be lucky to express 20 ml at a time. It is mentally draining so please don't be hard on yourself.

A few things I would say;

• I was told my baby had a tongue tie by a nurse, I asked a doctor to check who said no she didn't and some nurses jump to that for every baby who doesn't feed. I didn't have her snipped. 6 years later she's fine no speech issues etc.

• pumping is the most isolating experience it really is and if that's all you are getting don't push yourself

• don't care what other people think, Sod them. Your baby your way. And if the milk isn't coming you need an alternative.

• Please talk to someone and look after yourself. Make sure you enjoy your baby and don't get obsessed by the breast milk issue. It is hard really hard I know.

• formula saved my baby's life as she got very poorly from me not feeding her enough, there is no shame in formula.

Good luck and please go easy on yourself. You are her best mum and she needs you x

*he needs you - sorry!

Just read your update - please eat!

I was told late on with my struggles you need protein to make protein which is kind of obvious when you think about it but I was living on carbs and coffee.

I am pro bf and could offer you all manner of advice that may or may not work but...

Honestly I think you know what is best for your physical and mental wellbeing. You have made a tremendous effort to feed your little one and that can't be taken away now. There is absolutely no problem with introducing formula. You may even decide that you're ok with expressing once or twice a day so combi feed for a while. Your choice.

Good luck xxxx

My DS had a severe tongue tie and jaundice, I can't express much at all never have been able to. Had to formula fed to get him out of hospital. We had his tongue snipped privately (NHS wait was two months!) I spent a good couple of weeks persevering offering breast every feed and topping up with formula. It was a hard slog but he's now ten weeks and breastfed, I've been through nipple infection, blisters, bleeding, slow weight gain and Reynaud's of the nipple. It's now easy, comfortable and he's gained weight rapidly. He still has a couple of little formula top ups a.day but I think that's more about habit and feeling full than anything else and at least I know he's getting the benefits of breast milk. Every lactation surcoat did pump, pump pump. The midwife who did the tongue snipped told me to stock up on snacks, get a box set lined up and stay in for a free days minimum and just keep feeding, get his latch right, feed through the pain and just keep going until we both got it. It was uphill aand felt relentless but it worked , my HV is really surprised we've reduced formula not increased and he's thriving.
I have also found taking fenugreek (Holland and Barrett) three capsules three times a day made a huge difference to my supply within a few days.

Expressing can be tough when you have a newborn to look after too! I was advised to pump after every feed with my baby which meant I barely got any sleep. I stopped at a couple of weeks once feeding was established.
Right now I am a surrogate to a 4 week old baby and I am expressing for him. The difference is that I don’t have a baby to look after, my milk is coming in great after a few days of nothing at the beginning, and I only express 5 times a day, so it’s not ruling my life and I am still getting out and about with my family, expressing wherever I happen to be (I have a line in ponchos).
Expressing should be easy or a help for you, not something to stress you or struggle with.
You and your mental health are the most important thing right now, go easy on yourself